Missing Pieces
by LunaNueva522
Summary: AU. Think: 'Rizzoli & Isles' meets 'The Bodyguard'. Rizzles sizzles, stuff gets in the way, and our girls overcome! Complete. See A/N inside.
1. Worlds Apart

**A/N: 1) This story is AU in which Maura is a famous actress and Jane gets hired as one of her bodyguards. 2) This can be set pretty much anytime, but I imagine it to be after the pilot, except that Jane killed Hoyt instead of just shooting his hands. 3) It's rated M for a reason! 4) The backstory for each character is only slightly changed. (These differences will be revealed as the story unfolds.) It is important to remember, however, that these characters will be somewhat different, strictly due to the fact that they don't have each other in their lives yet. 5) I own nothing, I make no money, I just like having fun with these characters to get my creative juices flowing!**

* * *

Jane rolled over in bed as her phone rang. She knew it was her mother, again. She didn't want to talk, but she also knew that her always-concerned mother would eventually show up if she continued to ignore her calls. She leaned up on one elbow and brought the phone to her ear.

"Yes, mother?" Jane heard the sleepy raspiness in her voice, though it sounded somewhat distant.

"Are you still in bed, Jane?"

"Did you really call just to ask me that?" she deflected, irritation creeping into her tone.

"No, I called to see if you wanted to have lunch with your mother, but since it's past noon and you're still in bed, I'm guessing the answer is no."

Jane sighed, and Angela took the opportunity to continue her motherly rant.

"I'm worried about you, Jane! You don't want to do anything anymore. You don't want to spend time with your family, you don't go anywhere or see anyone, you don't even want to go back to work!"

"Ma, why are you complaining about that? You hated it when I was a detective."

"Yes, I did. But I hate this even worse. You're depressed, Jane."

"I'm not depressed," Jane lied, "I'm just… figuring some things out."

"I'm your mother, and I know you. It's not like you to act this way."

Jane sighed, knowing her mother was right. The truth was, she _had_ been trying to figure things out. Like why she was so angry, and why she had been so angry for so long. Like why she couldn't admit to herself that killing Hoyt had, in fact, been a choice. But then it always became too much for her, and she'd end up trying to drown her anger and confusion with alcohol, until there was nothing left to do but sleep. Her mother had every right to be worried, so she thought of a compromise.

"Okay Ma, how about I come over tomorrow and you can make me dinner?"

"Oh Janie, I would love that! I could call Frankie and make it a family dinner?"

"Whatever you want, Ma. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Okay, honey. Come over around five. I love you."

"Love you too, Ma." Jane ended the call and threw the phone onto the nightstand, where it slid through a pile of clutter and fell to the floor, taking a few of the items with it. She sighed and looked around her room. "This place is a mess," she realized aloud. She slid off the bed and picked up her phone, stopping to analyze the items it had taken down on its fall: a few receipts, a bar napkin with some guy's number on it, a couple wadded up dollar bills- mostly trash that she had dumped out of her pockets after a few late nights at the bar, back when she was still attempting to inhabit the land of the living. One thing, however, caught her eye. It was a business card from an old police academy friend she had run into at the Dirty Robber. He was running some sort of security company out in California, and had offered Jane a job in "executive protection" as he'd called it. The card was bright blue and shiny, like something fresh and new, something far better than the fog she had been living in.

Jane considered the possibility as she stepped into the shower, allowing the hot water to wash her body clean. A fresh start. A place free of the ghosts of her past. But could she really pick up and move across the whole damn country? Start all over, as if nothing ever happened? Be a different, happier person? The idea was nearly overwhelming, but it was also the first glimmer of hope she'd seen in weeks, and she held onto it like a life preserver. Energized, she got out of the shower and cleaned her entire apartment from top to bottom, popped a frozen lasagna in the the oven, and opened a beer. Sitting down at the kitchen table with just her beer and the business card, she dialed the phone.

"Hello, Paul?" she swallowed. "It's Jane Rizzoli. I was wondering if that job offer still stands?"

* * *

"So we're going to do the west coast first. _Jimmy Kimmel_, _Ellen_, _The Tonight Show_…"

Her agent, James, was rattling off a list of stops on the press tour for her newest movie, but Maura wasn't really listening. This was, after all, the third part of her series, and mostly a repeat of the first two. She could do it in her sleep by now. It was the same everywhere: show up, let them make you up, go on stage, say what you're supposed to say, and be sure to smile pretty. She loved acting, but the publicity side of the business often bothered her. Today she wasn't feeling particularly interested in the details.

"I'll have Dave bring some outfits by your house tomorrow- Maura are you listening to me?"

"Huh?" Her head shot up, shocked out of her reverie by the mention of her name. "Oh, uh sorry. Dave. Outfits. Tomorrow. Got it." She offered a fake smile as assurance.

"Okay. You ready for this?"

"Piece of cake."

"Alright. I'm going to make sure you get some extra security for the tour, of course. This third installment is likely to bring out some additional crazies. Also, don't forget about the dinner I told you about."

"Oh yeah, with the guy from what's-it-called-"

"I'll send you the details when we get a date pinned down…"

He kept talking, but Maura still wasn't listening. Instead, she stared through the window behind his desk at the sprawling city of Los Angeles, the place she'd called home for many years now. She remembered when she'd first moved here, a bright-eyed college freshman, so full of hope for her future. Of course, that girl never would have imagined the things that were to come, never would have dreamed her life would turn out this way. She wondered what the eighteen-year-old Maura would say if she could have a glimpse into this moment. Would she be surprised at the change in her own path? Would she be proud of her success? Or would she the loss in her eyes and run the other way? Looking out at the crowded streets, Maura wondered if the younger, less jaded version of herself would know how to fill the emptiness she felt inside.


	2. A Mistake

Three weeks after that fateful phone call, Jane sat in front of Paul's desk in his swanky Los Angeles office. Having completed a very intensive training course on the specifics of protecting a high-profile individual, she was deemed ready for her first assignment.

"Jane Rizzoli, decorated BPD homicide detective... I never thought I'd actually see you here! Not that I'm not delighted," he grinned at her. "Your scores are impeccable. Which is excellent, because I have an assignment I'd like you to start right away."

Jane smiled back at him politely. "Great," she replied, attempting to feign excitement, "care to tell?"

"Maura Isles-"

Her eyebrows shot upwards. "As in, _Queen of the Dead_, Maura Isles?"

"Yes. She's doing a promotional tour for _Queen of the Dead 3_ and she needs some extra bodies on detail. You'll be working that for now, and afterward we'll have a new assignment for you."

"Um, okay. So where do I report?"

He gave her a folder with all the details, made her sign some sort of confidentiality agreement she didn't care to read, and sent her on her way. As promised, she called her mother on the way home, and told her about her new assignment. Angela, a big _Queen of the Dead_ fan, was thrilled to say the least.

"Oh, this is so exciting! Do you think you can get an autograph? Or maybe a picture with her?"

"I don't know, Ma. I don't think that's the way it works," Jane answered, thinking that maybe she should have read that agreement after all.

"Well, when do you start?"

"First thing tomorrow morning."

"Don't worry, Janie, you'll do great."

"Sure," Jane replied, wishing she could be as excited as her mother. She sighed and added sarcastically, "Everything's going to be great."

* * *

The next morning, Maura had arrived at the studio half asleep and sipped coffee while the hair and makeup girls did their thing. She'd tried to make casual conversation, but failed as usual. She couldn't figure out why the things she said so often made people uncomfortable. Sometimes it amazed Maura how she could be so loved by her fans, so disliked by strangers, and so misunderstood by those she met, all at the same time.

The show had gone well. She'd said everything she was supposed to, didn't say anything she wasn't supposed to, and she'd smiled her pretty smile. Afterward, she gathered a few belongings and headed out of the studio alone. It was a bit unusual for her to travel alone, _ever_, but James was concerned about a recent tabloid report mentioning the word "diva", so he had insisted, for publicity's sake, that the rest of her entourage wait in the parking lot. And she always went along with whatever James said. As soon as she exited the studio, however, an excited mob of people rushed toward her, screaming, nearly knocking her off her feet. Paparazzi were there, pushing forward, light bulbs flashing inches from her face in quick succession, obscuring her vision. Between the screaming, the loud questions, and the repetitive flashes, Maura's senses quickly overloaded. She became disoriented, dizzy. It was terrifying.

Suddenly a deep but feminine voice, calm but very assertive, overpowered the others. "Alright everybody, take a step back!" Two strong hands clasped her shoulders and began guiding her in a forward motion. "Step back! Thank you!"

Maura was still having trouble seeing where she was going, but trusted the strong hands and pushed forward under their guidance. The voice, now quieter, whispered in her ear as they walked. "You're okay. Just keep moving."

When she got past the screaming crowd and into the safety of her black SUV, the hands were gone as quickly and mysteriously as they'd appeared, and she was seated next to her manager as the vehicle quickly departed.

"I'm so sorry-" James started.

Maura held up her hand for him to stop, closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths to center herself. When she looked up, she met his wide, expectant eyes. "Never again," she said quietly, but definitively, and he nodded, relieved. She then turned to the large man in the front passenger's seat, her head of security. "Thomas?"

"Miss Isles, I tried to tell him-"

"Who was that?" she asked, interrupting him.

"Who?"

"The one who pulled me out of there?"

"Oh. Uh... new girl, Jane Rizzoli. She's just on for the tour. First day."

"Please be sure that I see her personally after we arrive back home."

"Of course, Miss Isles."

"Thank you, Thomas."


	3. Something Special

Maura sat at the head of her large mahogany dining table, enjoying a spring salad when Thomas brought in a very nervous, very attractive, tall brunette. Maura swallowed her food and eyed Jane fully, regarding the woman who had rescued her with charmed surprise. She smiled brightly and extended her hand in greeting.

"Jane Rizzoli, correct?"

For a moment, Jane was speechless. Initially this was due to nerves about possibly being fired for ruining the publicity stunt, but as soon as Maura smiled at her, every thought instantly vanished and she was simply awestruck. She had seen Maura Isles in some of her movies and on a few late night talk shows in the past, and of course during the incident earlier, but this… this was different. Face to face, without an adrenaline-fueled crisis, Jane was completely taken aback by how absolutely, undeniably beautiful this woman truly was. It was easy for her to see why Maura was a movie star. How could anyone so stunning be anything but famous?

Realizing she was being rude, Jane shook her head to right her thoughts and finally answered sheepishly. "Uh, yeah… er, yes." _Get it together, Rizzoli!_ She cleared her throat and finally grasped Maura's hand. "Yes, ma'am. Sorry."

"No need to apologize," she shook Jane's hand, "I'm Maura Isles."

Jane couldn't restrain a chuckle and a smile. "Yes, I know who you are. It's a pleasure to officially meet you, Miss Isles."

"Would you like to sit down?" She gestured toward the chair on her left.

"Sure," Jane answered warily, taking a seat.

"Jane, I want to talk to you about what happened today at the studio."

"About that, please give me a chance to apologize-"

"Oh Jane, you have nothing to apologize for! The mistake was not yours, believe me. That should never have happened. I was honestly terrified before you stepped in, which I realize was quite a risk for you. I really appreciate that."

Jane smiled and sighed with relief. "Thank you. I was just doing my job."

"No, thank _you_. And you did a better job on your first day than the guards I've had protecting me for years," she said, shooting a quick glance at Thomas, who only shrugged, then returning her gaze to Jane. "I think you have good instincts. So I've told Thomas that I want you to be my number one. I want _you_ by my side, protecting me everywhere I go, until this tour is over. Would you be okay with that, Jane?"

Jane was genuinely shocked. She'd thought this conversation was more likely to leave her unemployed than technically promoted. "Um, sure. If that's what you want, Miss Isles."

"Excellent!" Maura smiled at Jane's agreement. "Oh, and you should call me Maura. We'll be spending a lot of time together, so it's probably best that we're on a first-name basis, don't you agree?" she added, rather matter-of-factly.

"Of course... Maura." Jane smiled. There was a quirkiness about Maura that she found amusing and intriguing. She was nothing like what Jane had imagined, and very pleasantly so.

Maura dismissed Thomas to resume his usual duties, leaving the two women alone, then turned back to Jane. "Would you like something to eat?"

"No, thank you."

"How about a beverage?"

"Sure," Jane answered gratefully, her mouth bone dry. "Some water would be great."

Maura rose and walked the few steps into the large open kitchen to retrieve a bottle of SmartWater from the fridge, and handed it to her with a smile.

"So, Jane," she started as she returned to her seat, "tell me a little about yourself." The request was a socializing technique that Maura had been taught many years ago, but it excited her to realize this was the first time she could remember being so truly interested.

"Okaaay," Jane shot her a sideways glance. "What do you wanna know?"

"Anything."

They spent the afternoon sharing various details about their lives and touring Maura's magnificent home. As they spoke, Maura learned that Jane was from Boston, had two brothers, and used to be a homicide detective. Despite her curiosity, she did not find out why Jane had so recently packed up and moved across the country. She wanted to ask, but Jane's clenched jaw and clipped comments suggested it was a rather sensitive subject. Maura listened eagerly when Jane spoke of her family, all still back in Boston. She told Jane how her own parents had died in a horrible accident when she was nineteen, which Jane didn't admit that she already knew from a Google search she'd done the night before. What she did not previously know, however, was that Maura had studied forensic pathology before switching to acting. This seemed strange, not only because the career paths are so vastly different, but mostly because she just couldn't picture the chic, refined Maura Isles in a morgue, cutting up dead bodies like Dr. Pike back in Boston.

Both women secretly found themselves quite surprised at how quickly they established a connection. Despite their vast differences, there seemed to be something about them that just clicked. They had become so wrapped up in each other that they were startled when another guard came to relieve Jane at the end of her twelve-hour shift.

"Wow, is it really that time already?" Jane asked, glancing at her watch with surprise.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Maura answered dolefully. The instant connection she felt with Jane was rare and special, and she was afraid to say goodbye. She wanted to invite Jane to stay, but decided it was likely bad form. Instead she met Jane's eyes and gave her a sweet smile. "I hope we can continue our conversation tomorrow. I've really enjoyed talking with you, Jane."

"Me too. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Maura."

"Goodnight."

As she walked out to her car, Jane tried to identify the warm sensation growing inside her. It was exciting and foreign and decidedly wonderful. Maybe things were finally starting to look up.


	4. Inappropriately Smitten

Jane slept surprisingly well that night and woke the next morning feeling somehow lighter than she had in a long time. When she arrived at Maura's for work, she found her in the home gym, jogging briskly on the treadmill, a fine sheen of sweat coating her skin. Maura smiled when she saw Jane walk in.

"Jane! Good morning!" Her words bled excitement, despite her labored breathing.

"Good morning," Jane smiled back. "You know you can get there faster if you get off that machine."

Maura chuckled, already becoming accustomed to Jane's sarcasm. "Keeping fit is part of the job. It also happens to be one of the parts I enjoy." She pressed a button on the machine that slowed her pace to a walk. "I'm just warming up for my trainer. He's on his way."

"Nice little gym you've got here," Jane commented, looking around.

"Thanks. I spend quite a bit of time working out, especially for filming, or these promo tours. Maintaining a certain body image is imperative in this industry. If I want to work, I have to look like they want me to." She frowned. "It's not my favorite thing about Hollywood."

"Well my job also requires that I stay fit," Jane countered.

Maura raised her eyebrows and gave a small grin. "Touché. Speaking of which, you know you're welcome to use the gym anytime you want."

"Thanks, I might just take you up on that. The gym at my building smells like feet."

And just like that, they picked up right where they'd left off the night before.

The next couple weeks went by incredibly quickly. There were talk shows, radio shows, magazine interviews, photo shoots, dress fittings... There was always somewhere for Maura to be, and of course Jane remained by her side. It was a lot different than working homicide, but Jane found that she was enjoying herself, and each day seemed a little brighter than the last. The fog she'd been living in for so long seemed to be lifting. She'd even started waking up earlier to work out in Maura's gym before her shift, which delighted Maura more than she cared to admit. Jane spending time with her outside of working hours reinforced her belief that they had some kind of friendship building, which was both rare and exciting for Maura. When they were working, she took Jane everywhere and always kept her a bit closer than necessary... inside her dressing rooms at the studios, in hair and makeup, she even had a tendency to drag Jane with her to the restroom. Not because she was being demanding, she just really enjoyed her company. Besides, they were usually so immersed in conversation that flowed right through each activity, it just seemed natural.

It was a couple days before they were scheduled to leave for the overseas part of the tour and they had just returned home from a radio show. David, Maura's stylist, was on his way over with a selection of promo-gig garments, so they were sitting together on the couch, waiting for him to arrive.

"I never would have imagined how much preparation goes into you simply showing up somewhere," Jane commented.

"We have to make final decisions on what I'll wear for each appearance, and make any final adjustments now. There won't be time for that when we're abroad, as our schedule will be rather tight."

Jane's face twisted slightly and she looked down at her feet. "So, are you ready for all this Europe stuff?"

Maura sensed her unease. "It's really not that bad, you'll see. Just a lot of traveling, in a very short period of time. How about you, are you ready?"

"I don't know. I don't exactly travel well." Jane took a deep breath. "I'll be fine though."

"Do you get sick?" Maura's voice was one of concern.

"Just nervous, mostly."

"You'll be fine," Maura reassured her. Then added teasingly, "You can even hold my hand if it makes you feel better."

"Oh?" Jane raised her eyebrows and smirked. "You promise?"

"Anytime." She grinned.

"Are you flirting with me, Maura Isles?" Jane was almost incredulous.

Maura shrugged evasively. "It is a fact, Jane, that studies have shown hand-holding to induce a positive neural response, including that of stress reduction-

"Maura, my darling!" A voice boomed from the doorway, interrupting their playful banter. Both women turned to see a short, flamboyantly dressed man with arms outstretched. His demeanor was pure energy.

"Dave!" Maura rose to greet him, giving and receiving air kisses on each cheek. "Good to see you, as always. Have you brought everything?"

"You know it, girl! We're all set up in the next room. Everything's here, all the alterations have been made and," he lowered his voice conspiratorially, "I picked up a few extra beauties for you to wear at your own discretion." He winked at her, then turned his attention to Jane. "And who is this model-lookin' thing over here?"

Jane glanced quickly behind her, seeing no one, and turned back, putting her hand on her chest for clarification. "Me?"

"Ooh and modest too? Wherever did you find her?" His eyes remained on Jane, raking up and down her lithe frame.

Maura giggled. "Dave, this is Jane Rizzoli. She's doing some security work for me for the duration of the tour."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," Jane blushed at all the attention.

"Security work? Mmmm girl, look at you! You are way too pretty for that, honey! You're like a six-foot Barbie doll and I just wanna dress you up!" he gushed.

"Yeah, I don't see that happening, like _ever_," she answered drily.

Dave would not be deterred. "Never say never, darling!"

Jane rolled her eyes and Maura laughed as they made their way to the makeshift dressing room. The actress took her time trying on the many designer garments, mostly lavish dresses in the most luxurious of fabrics, and modeling them each for Dave's approval. Soon though, she found herself taking account of Jane's subtle reactions to each sexy outfit, and paying less attention to her stylist. Maura smiled to herself. Jane, to her credit, was making a valiant, but unsuccessful attempt to control the rapidly increasing heart rate she couldn't explain. She was sure her features were betraying her as well. Trying to make herself invisible, she was embarrassed when her growling stomach reverberated through the room and turned the attention to her.

Maura's amusement turned to concern. "Are you hungry, Jane?"

"My stomach seems to think I am," she answered. "Come to think of it, I did skip breakfast this morning."

"Why don't you go to the kitchen and get yourself something to eat?"

"Maura, I don't think I'm allowed to eat your food. Company rules and all."

"Oh. Well, I don't mind, but I certainly don't want to get you in any trouble either. Go get yourself some lunch, then."

"Nah, I don't want to leave you. I'll just wait."

"Don't worry, Jane. I'll be fine. Dave and I will be here for a while, and the other guards are in the garage watching the monitors, as usual. Go. Eat."

Jane sighed. "Alright, I'll just go get something and bring it back. You sure you're good?"

"Absolutely. Go."

"Okay. You want me to pick you up anything?"

"No thanks. I'm saving all my extra calories for Europe," she admitted. "It's sweet of you to ask, though."

"Of course. Anytime." They shared a smile and a look- the look that had started appearing between them lately, that lingered- the one that made Maura's stomach flutter and electricity shoot up Jane's spine.

"Okay," Jane breathed finally, not wanting to leave. "Just call my cell if you need anything. I'll be quick."

Maura's eyes followed Jane out the door. Having forgotten Dave was even there, she didn't notice him watching her.

"So," Dave asked, "what was _that_ about?"

"What?" Maura was genuinely confused.

"_What?_ You two, that's what!" he answered cheekily.

Maura gave him a bewildered look, but said nothing.

"Don't play coy with me, honey! There is obviously something going on here!"

"There isn't anything 'going on here'..."

"_Mmmm_hmmm..." His tone made it clear that he wasn't buying her story.

"Dave!?"

"I always knew you had a little lez in you-"

"DAVE!"

"What? She's hot! You know, for a girl."

"Well she is gorgeous," Maura admitted.

"HA! See! I knew it!"

She slapped his arm playfully. "Do you really see something there?"

"Uh, YEAH! You two are obviously smitten! It's written all over your pretty little faces!"

"And you don't think it's... inappropriate?"

"Oh, it's totally inappropriate, honey!" He chuckled at Maura's frown. "But that just makes it more _delicious_, don't you think?" He winked at her.

She looked down. "I wouldn't know."

"Don't waste an opportunity like that, girl! You'll regret it. Trust me."

Maura looked back him with something akin to fear, and he became serious for the first time since he'd arrived.

"What's stopping you?" he asked.

She sighed heavily and looked away. "Everything."


	5. Uncharted Territory

Jane sat upright in the airplane seat, eyes wide, jaw clenched, fingers white from her tight grip on the armrests.

"Jane, relax," Maura soothed. "We're not even moving yet."

"I'm good," she replied tightly, her voice betraying her words. Just then the plane began to taxi out onto the runway. "Oh dear God," she choked out under her breath.

Maura immediately took Jane's hand and laced their fingers together, placing her other hand on top and squeezing tightly. She lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned in close to Jane's ear. "Just breathe in slowly, through your nose... Good, now hold it... Okay, slowly breathe out through your mouth, just like that. Yes, keep doing that, Jane..."

After a dozen or so slow, controlled breaths, Jane swallowed and turned her head to Maura. A strained "thanks," and the tiniest hint of a smile were all she could manage.

"Jane, you still appear anxious. I brought my iPod, would you like to listen to some music? Studies have shown that listening to certain types of music during times of high stress can lower anxiety levels, heart rate, blood pressure-"

"No!" Jane blurted out. She didn't want Maura to move and let go of her hand. "No, thank you. Can you just keep talking to me? Please?"

"Of course. What would you like me to talk about?"

"Anything. I don't care."

"Okay..." Maura thought for a second, then with a small smile she began recounting an old anxiety-related tale of her own. "The first time I ever performed on stage, I was so nervous- even more nervous than you probably are right now..."

Maura narrated the event in meticulous detail, and the longer she talked, the calmer Jane became. She laughed at the funny parts of the story, and delighted in the closeness they were sharing, completely distracting her from her fears. After about an hour, Jane had nearly forgotten they were in flight and their discourse returned to normal. There was something a little different though, because even long after the moment had passed, neither woman made any effort to remove her hand from the other's grasp.

Over ten hours of talking, napping, and periods of discreet hand-holding later, they touched down in London. They went through customs, along with Thomas and Maura's assistant Charlie, then made their way briskly to the waiting town car, avoiding the curious public as best they could. In the car, Jane stared excitedly out the windows to the cobblestone streets and ornate buildings. She had never been to England, so the experience was new and a bit surreal. Maura watched her with a silent smile. She had traveled the world, a few times over probably, not even keeping track, but seeing it through Jane's eyes was a different experience entirely. She felt a strange but comfortable warmth bubble up inside of her. Maybe this tour would be different, after all.

When they arrived at the hotel, Jane's eyes grew wide and she gasped.

"_This_ is where we're staying?"

The brick and limestone building was enormous and elegant, with tall columns reaching up to the sky, and a huge door that looked like it belonged in a castle. It was far more luxurious than anyplace Jane could remember setting foot in, let alone being an actual guest.

"Yes Jane," Maura replied, amused by her awe. "Is it up to your standards?"

Jane's reply came soaked in sarcasm. "Oh yeah, I suppose it'll do."

The interior of the hotel was at least as spectacular as the exterior, with black and white marble floors, carved mahogany furnishings, elegantly framed artwork... every inch overflowed with splendor. Charlie handled their check-in and Thomas personally checked Maura's room for any potential threats while the others waited. The hotel staff had already brought up their belongings by the time they reached their rooms. Jane was given the adjoining room next to Maura's, and Thomas and Charlie were sharing a large suite across the hall. Maura insisted they all take the rest of the night off to get some rest for the very busy day tomorrow, as the hotel could attend to any unexpected needs that might arise.

"Well," Jane said after the men had already left, "I guess I'll go ahead over to my room too. Give you a chance to get settled and rest. If you need anything at all, you can call me and I'll come right over."

"Oh." Maura tone was clearly disappointed. "I was hoping we could open the door connecting our rooms. But if you would prefer your privacy, I'm okay with that as well."

Now that they were on the road and traveling with a smaller security detail than they had in L.A., Jane was technically on duty 24/7, including at the hotel. In fact, being Maura's primary guard, it was her job to keep Maura's room secure, even in the middle of the night, which is probably why she was given an adjoining room in the first place. Not that she was complaining. "No, we'll keep it open. I was just trying to offer you the same privacy."

"Great," she replied with a smile. "You go get settled. I think I'm going to rent a movie to help me relax before bed. I'm not nearly as tired as I should be. You're welcome to join me if you'd like."

Jane's suitcase was waiting for her on the bed. There was no sense in unpacking it, since they'd only be at the hotel a couple of nights, so she just grabbed an old BPD shirt and a pair of sweatpants to put on for the night. Meanwhile, Maura slipped into a satin pajama set and poured herself a glass of wine from the gift basket the hotel had left for her.

"Wine?" she offered Jane when she returned.

"No thanks. I'm kind of on duty, so I should really keep a clear head."

"Okay, but it's fine with me if you change your mind. This hotel has excellent security, so you don't need to worry."

They settled at opposite ends of the couch and flipped through the on-demand selection. "What do you want to watch?" Maura asked.

"Why don't you pick? You're the movie expert, after all."

"Oh here's an old favorite! Do you like _Fried Green Tomatoes_?"

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Are we talking about movies or food now?"

Maura chuckled. "The movie, _Fried Green Tomatoes_!"

"I don't think I've ever seen it."

"Never?"

Jane shook her head.

"Well, we'll have to fix that."

She dimmed the lights and started the movie, occasionally sneaking peeks at Jane's reaction to all of her favorite parts. When the movie ended, Jane had tears in her eyes but Maura had somehow made her way to Jane's lap and fallen asleep. She looked down at the blonde and smiled. In just a few short weeks, they had gone from strangers to co-workers to friends, and suddenly she could feel something more simmering beneath the surface. She felt so comfortable like that, she didn't want to move, but she knew they both needed to get a good night's sleep, in a real bed. She gave herself until the credits finished rolling to revel in the moment, then shook Maura gently.

"Maura. Hey, Maur-"

Maura groaned and looked up at her, momentarily confused. "Oh, did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah, you missed half your movie."

"That's okay, I know how it ends." She smiled. "Did you enjoy the movie?"

"I did. It was a good selection. Idgie and Ruth were a couple, weren't they?"

"Yes they were, though their relationship was more obvious in the novel. I have it if you ever want to read it."

"Maybe. But I think we ought to get to bed now. Big day tomorrow."

Maura sighed. "Yes, I suppose you're right." She didn't want to move either.

They both rose and stretched, and Jane headed for her room, turning briefly at the doorway. "Thanks for the movie. Yell if you need anything, okay? Goodnight, Maur."

"Goodnight Jane."

They each turned out the lights and tucked themselves into bed. Jane fell almost immediately into a blissful sleep, but Maura was having trouble wrestling with her thoughts in the dark. When she had fallen asleep on the couch, she'd had a dream that left her feeling a bit ruffled. She couldn't remember many details, but she and Jane were definitely more than friends in the dream, and it felt very real. Maybe it was the conversation she'd had with Dave before she'd left, or all the time they'd spent together on the long flight there. Maybe it was being so close to Jane, breathing in her scent while she slept and waking up in her lap. Whatever it was, Maura couldn't get Jane out of her head and she had no idea what to do about it.


	6. Just Us

**A/N: Okay... y'all asked for longer chapters, so here you go! Also I think this is my favorite one so far. And I'm upping the rating to 'T' now, just to be safe. Enjoy!**

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The night was over too quickly and the next day was pretty much a blur. Maura and her small entourage got started before dawn with a morning talk show, continued straight to a press junket, then immediately began preparing for the premiere that evening. Jane accompanied Maura to her hair and makeup session, which was the first time that day they'd had a chance to say more than a few words to each other. However, neither was talking. Both were stewing in their thoughts and stealing nervous glances at each other every few minutes.

It was the makeup artist, Kelly, who finally broke the silence. "So how are you enjoying London?" she asked Maura politely, in her sing-song accent.

"Oh it's lovely, as always," she answered sweetly. "What about you, Jane?" Maura asked Jane's reflection in the mirror, her eyes hopeful. "This is her first time visiting," she whispered to Kelly.

Jane looked up, surprised to have suddenly been addressed. "Oh uh, it's really nice. I wish we could stay longer, so we could have time to really enjoy it."

"Well then, you'll have to come back someday for pleasure, rather than work." Kelly proceeded to rattle off a list of her favorite places that Jane would just have to visit if she ever did come back for a vacation. Maura added a few opinions here and there, and the comfortable feeling slowly returned throughout the conversation.

Maura looked absolutely stunning for the premiere. Her designer gown was dark blue with a halter neckline and open back, the silky material flowing almost to the floor, where a pair of matching heels added about four inches of height to the actress. Jane's jaw nearly hit the floor when she saw her, and her body started sending her signals she didn't completely understand. Warmth flushed across her skin, her breathing increased and she licked her lips unconsciously. Since when was she turned on by a woman in a dress? Maura saw Jane's reaction in the mirror and smiled to herself, remembering the dream she'd had while sleeping in Jane's lap the night before. She wasn't a guesser, but if Jane's response was any indication, her ever-growing feelings might be returned in at least some aspect.

The event went very smoothly, Jane hanging by the sidelines with the other guards while Maura walked the red carpet with the director and some of her co-stars who had also flown in for the premiere. Afterward, the cast enjoyed some late night drinks at the hotel bar before retiring to their individual rooms, leaving Maura rather tipsy as she made her way back to her suite. She stumbled on the way through the door, Jane catching her before she hit the ground.

"Woah, there. Slow down, you little lush," she said jokingly, guiding her towards the bed.

"Ooh thank you! Sorry, I don't usually drink like this. I think I will sit down." She plopped down on the edge of her bed, kicked off her heels, and fell back against the mattress. The room was spinning, but she was too tired to get up.

"You should probably get some rest," Jane suggested. "The sun will be up in a few hours and we have a plane to catch."

Maura groaned. "Just a nap... and we can sleep on the plane." She started fumbling with her necklace, trying to remove it but failing due to her inebriated state. "What is wrong with this thing?" There was a slight slur to her words.

"Nothing, it's _you_!" Jane chuckled and sat down on the bed next to her. "Here, let me help." Maura rolled her head to the side to allow Jane access to the clasp on her neck and the intoxicating scent of her perfume drifted up to Jane's nose. She tried to ignore it as she removed the expensive jewelry and set it on the nightstand. The indescribable pull she felt near Maura, that magnetic feeling, was growing too strong for comfort. "I'll go so you can get changed for bed. Do you need anything?"

Maura's eyes were already closed while she spoke. "Just you," she breathed.

Jane sat up straight suddenly, shocked. She didn't know how to respond. _What do you say when the woman you work for, now your best friend, says something like that? What does it mean?_ Jane shook her head. Maura was just drunk, she didn't know what she was saying... right?

Jane opted for a change of topic. "Um, aren't you going to change out of that very expensive designer gown?"

"Nope." Maura yawned slowly, her eyes still closed. She spoke softly, almost dreamlike. "You can stay here if you want. You can sleep here. With me."

_Okay that's twice_, Jane thought. She swallowed. She didn't say anything. She didn't move.

After a moment of still silence, Maura pushed herself up on her elbows and crawled up to rest her head on the pillow. She curled up on her side and patted the empty space next to her as yet another invitation. Jane still didn't say anything as she slowly took off her boots, removed her jacket, and lay down next to Maura, facing her. Their faces were inches apart on the pillows. Maura's eyes were still closed, but Jane could tell by her breathing that she had not yet fallen asleep. "Do you want me to sleep here?" Jane whispered.

Maura smiled slightly and nodded, releasing a sigh of contentment. Jane examined her features, desperate to know what she was thinking behind that beautiful face. "Why?"

She waited a long time for Maura to answer, but when her breathing evened out, Jane realized that she had finally drifted off. She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She still had on her work clothes, which weren't particularly comfortable, and she contemplated getting up to change and returning to her own bed. But she couldn't bring herself to leave Maura's side. She couldn't think of anywhere she'd rather be.

Just a few hours later, the alarm clock blared and Jane woke with a start, scrambling to shut it off. Maura sat up and yawned, stretching in the evening gown she had refused to take off the night before. She turned and looked at Jane beside her, momentarily confused, then smiled.

"Morning," she greeted, sleep still in her voice.

"Is it?" Jane raised her eyebrows and nodded toward the large window. It was still dark outside.

"Yes it is. We have an early flight this morning," Maura answered seriously.

"For which you may want to find some more comfortable attire."

Maura looked down at her dress. "Oh, yes." She looked at Jane. "I suppose you need to change clothes as well."

"And shower," she added, standing up to collect her jacket and boots.

"Me too. And a dose of acetylsalicylic acid would be helpful."

Jane looked at her, baffled. "A-what?"

"Aspirin," she clarified. "For my head. And water to rehydrate."

"Don't you mean 'dihydrogen monoxide'?" Jane mocked.

Maura smirked and threw a pillow at her playfully. "Go get ready!"

"Yes ma'am!"

After they each showered and changed, they met up with Thomas and Charlie and departed for the airport. The flight to Spain was only about two hours, and Jane did considerably better this time around. Maura held her hand again, which somehow felt even better than it did the last time, and they napped through most of the flight.

The hotel in Madrid was just as ornate as the one in London, only with a classic Spanish flair, and Jane and Maura were again given adjoining rooms. They ordered room service and ate together in Maura's suite while Maura pointed out landmarks through the window, giving a full history and geography lesson all at once. They had a late night talk show appearance later that evening, which went very smoothly, and then returned to the hotel very late. After they changed into pajamas, Maura enjoyed some more expensive gifted wine while they watched Spanish television on mute and made up their own words. Maura couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed so much.

"I can't believe it's after three in the morning and I'm not even tired," Jane sighed. She had even shared some of Maura's wine, at her insistence, but it didn't make her sleepy like it usually did.

"A symptom of desynchronosis," Maura told her. "Commonly referred to as 'jet lag'. Your biological clock is more attuned to Pacific Standard Time. It's barely after six in L.A."

"Do you always know what time it is in L.A.?" she asked, half-sarcastically.

"Well, yes," Maura answered seriously. "It's simple math, Jane. Madrid is one hour ahead of Coordinated Universal Time, and California is eight hours behind, making for a total of nine hours difference. Except, of course, when daylight savings time changes are not concurrent."

Jane stifled a giggle. She hadn't meant the question to be taken so literally, but then again she must not have considered her audience. Everything seemed technical to Maura, and her supply of random knowledge seemed endless. Jane always found herself wondering what was going on inside that beautiful mind. "Do you ever get homesick?" she asked suddenly.

Maura looked at Jane, now concerned. "Are you homesick?"

"I asked you first."

She sighed. "I'm used to it, I guess. I've been doing this for a long time."

"How did you ever... get used to it?" Jane wondered aloud.

Maura thought quietly for a moment, then took a deep breath and stood up. She reached a hand out toward Jane. "Come here, I want to show you something."

"Are we going somewhere?"

"No questions. Just follow me."

Jane shrugged and let Maura pull her up off the couch.

"Here," Maura said, tossing a throw blanket at Jane and grabbing one for herself. "Bring that with you."

Maura picked up the room key, tucked it into her bra, and peeked her head out the door to see if anyone was in the hallway nearby.

"Uh, where are we-" Jane started, but stopped when Maura turned to her with an exasperated expression. "No questions. Right. I'll just shut up now." Still, she pushed her way to the door, making sure to position herself close to Maura in case of any trouble. They linked arms as Maura led them down the hallway, past the elevators, and through the door to the stairwell. They climbed all the way up without a word, listening only to their footsteps echoing off the narrow walls until they reached the final door at the top. Maura used her weight to push it open and stepped out onto the roof. The cool night air enveloped her, bringing her an instant sense of harmony and causing her lips to curl into a small smile. She held the door open for Jane to follow, pulling the room key out of her shirt and expertly wedging it into the locking mechanism as she let the weight of the door pull it closed, while not allowing it to lock. Jane continued to watch silently as Maura spread her blanket out on the floor of the roof and stretched out on top, motioning for Jane to join her.

"Come here. Bring that blanket, it's a little chilly."

Jane did as she was told, laying shoulder to shoulder with the slightly smaller woman, and unfolding her blanket to cover them both. They stayed like that in silence for a few moments, until Maura pulled an arm out from beneath the blanket and pointed up to the sky.

"Do you see that constellation right there?"

Jane had no idea what she was pointing at. "Uh, I see stars…"

Maura leaned closer to Jane, trying to better align their fields of view. "There," she pointed again, this time moving her fingers in the air to outline the shape of the constellation as she spoke, "it's like a house. See the square there, and the triangle for the roof?"

"Oh yeah, I see it now! What constellation is it?"

"That's Cepheus, named after King Cepheus of Ethiopia. Greek mythology. And see there, on the left, shaped like a 'w'? That's his wife, Cassiopeia. They had a daughter, Andromeda- her constellation can be seen from here in the fall. Cassiopeia and Andromeda were vain and boastful women. They insisted their beauty was so great, it eclipsed even that of the Nereids." She looked at Jane. "Sea nymphs."

Jane looked back at her and smiled. She was captivated by Maura, and Maura could tell. It excited her in a way she couldn't describe. She smiled back, then looked back to the sky, continuing her story.

"The Nereids, angry and resentful, complained to Poseidon, the god of the sea. Upon hearing of the women's arrogant claims, Poseidon sent a great flood to the land of Ethiopia, along with the sea monster, Cetus, to destroy the family's kingdom. King Cepheus was given a choice, however. He could save his kingdom, but he would have to sacrifice his daughter. So Andromeda was chained to a cliff to be sacrificed to Cetus-"

"Wait," Jane cut in, "so he sacrificed his _own daughter_ to save his land or whatever?"

"His whole kingdom, Jane. His choice likely would have saved everyone in Ethiopia. It could be considered a noble sacrifice. Besides, it was her own arrogance that brought on Poseidon's wrath in the first place."

"This is a horrible story."

"It gets better," Maura promised as she continued. "So Andromeda was chained to the cliff, waiting for the sea monster to devour her, when Perseus, nephew to the King of Argos, came sailing by. He saw Andromeda chained to the cliff and instantly fell in love with her. Perseus killed the sea monster and rescued Andromeda in a heroic act of valor. They were quickly married and ran off together. He eventually became a king himself."

"Okay, so the story did get better," Jane admitted, then added drily, "though I hope she and her mother learned some humility."

Maura chuckled. "Anyway, these constellations are called circumpolar constellations. It means they can be seen year-round from anywhere in this hemisphere. These stars, the ones we're looking at now, here in Madrid, are the same stars I can look up and see from my own backyard in Los Angeles. Almost anywhere I go, I can look up and see these same stars. New York, Berlin, London, Turkey-" she paused and looked at Jane, waiting for her to meet her gaze before continuing, "-Boston. Wherever I am, I can come up to the roof and look at these stars. They're always here and always the same. They almost feel like home to me."

Jane finally understood why Maura had brought her to the roof. "Do you come up here and tell this little story to all your homesick employees?"

"I've never told anyone, actually. No one even knows I come up here." She turned and her eyes focused on Jane, studying her. "And I think you know by now, Jane, that you're much more than an employee to me."

Jane raised her eyebrows. She did know, of course, but she was still surprised to hear her say it out loud. She decided to push, to use her detective skills and see what else Maura would reveal. "Is that so?"

"Don't be coy. I know you know." Her tone was serious.

"You never really answered my question earlier."

"What question?"

"Do you get homesick?"

Maura sighed heavily. "You need a home in order to be homesick."

"What do you mean? You have a home. A damn nice one too, if you ask me."

"I have a house, Jane. It's not a home. There's a difference," she said quietly.

"You're right, there is a difference," Jane agreed softly. "So make it a home."

"It's not that easy. Especially in this business."

"You always talk about 'this business' and 'the industry' like you despise it. Why do you do all this if you hate it?"

"It's so complicated. I love acting. I always have. It's what brought me out of my shell as a child in school. It forced me to be around people and gave me the social skills that I needed to thrive. When I went to college, I kind of gave it up initially. I focused on my studies, worked on finding a good internship with a qualified medical examiner, and then the accident happened."

Through their many conversations, she had learned how affected Maura still was by the death of her parents, despite all the time that had passed since. It was something she barely touched on, but Jane could sense a deep sadness there. She gripped Maura's hand in the dark.

"It was instantaneous," Maura told her. "I was told they didn't suffer. But I did. I felt so alone. My parents were the only family I had, and they were gone. I didn't really have any close friends, just acquaintances. So I threw myself back into acting. It gave me the opportunity to put myself aside and be someone else, even if only for a little while. It was an escape. I guess it still is sometimes."

"I'm sorry, Maura." She didn't know what else to say.

"I miss them, everyday. Not that we were ever that close to begin with, but at least they were here. I knew they cared about me and wanted a good life for me. I guess that's why they adopted me, after all."

"What? You never told me you were adopted!"

Maura shrugged. "I never told anyone."

"And no one- even the press- ever found out?"

"I was an infant, it was a closed adoption, the records are sealed. My parents were very private people. They didn't even tell their friends."

"Wow." Jane thought for a moment, then turned fully towards Maura to look her in the eyes. "Your parents never told anyone, you never told anyone... so why tell me?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly, looking into Jane's eyes with a depth she could never voice. "Maybe because I trust you. And because you make the bad things in my life seem not so bad. It seems illogical because we haven't known each other for very long, but I've never felt so close to anyone in my life as I do to you, Jane."

It was very sudden and unexpected. Jane didn't even realize what she was doing until her lips touched Maura's. The kiss started soft and tentative, but electrifying. As soon as it started to deepen, Jane pulled away quickly.

"Shit, Maura! I'm so sorry, I have no idea what I was thinking!"

"Please don't apologize Jane-"

"No, that was totally out of line. I'm so sorry. You're my client and-"

"No, Jane." Maura's tone was firm, but gentle. "Not right now. Right now I am not your client and you are not my security. Right here, right now, it's just you and me. Jane and Maura. No jobs, no titles. Just us." Her eyes remained locked on Jane's. "Okay?"

"Okay." Jane smiled. "That's good because I really want to kiss you again if that's-."

But Maura didn't give her the chance, because she wrapped her hands in Jane's hair, pulled her face toward her, and kissed her with every ounce of passion she had.


	7. Not Today

**A/N: Trigger Warning: Mild knife violence and a tiny bit of blood at the very end of this chapter. Please skip it if it bothers you.**

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_But Maura didn't give her the chance, because she wrapped her hands in Jane's hair, pulled her face toward her, and kissed her with every ounce of passion she had._

The kiss was broken only by their desperate need to breathe. Both women panted as they stared into each other's eyes, searching for visual confirmation of what they both felt.

"Wow," Jane said finally, still a little out of breath.

Maura smiled, taking her hand from behind Jane's head to stroke the side of her face, then finally cupping her cheek. Her eyes slowly scanned her face, as if committing it to memory. "You are so beautiful," she whispered.

"Hey, that was supposed to be my line," Jane quipped, unable to stop grinning.

Maura let out a small laugh, and Jane decided it was her favorite sound. She silently vowed to make Maura laugh as often as she possibly could from that moment forward.

They stayed on the roof like that for almost an hour, kissing and cuddling under the stars. There was no urgency, no anxiety or fear, just the two of them living blissfully in the most perfect moment. Eventually their bodies began to ache from lying on the hard surface, so they decided to retire back to Maura's suite, sneaking back hand-in-hand like naughty schoolgirls. Without discussion, Jane climbed into Maura's bed and wrapped her body around the blonde's slender frame. Maura craned her neck around for a soft goodnight kiss, and snuggled her body back into Jane's, falling into a wonderful sleep.

That night, Jane dreamed she was sailing an ancient vessel, fully armored, when she spotted Maura tied to a cliff. She was perched precariously above an enormous, grotesque sea monster with sharp, yellow teeth the size of Christmas trees. Jane jumped from the vessel, running so fast across the water that she reached the monster before she began to sink, leaping on his huge back. With her sword, she battled him in the rocky surf, nearly drowning several times in the struggle, but never giving up. She could hear Maura cheering her on from where she was trapped above, watching intently. Finally, Jane climbed on the monster's chest and rammed her sword through his cold heart with all her strength, twisting until his movements ceased. When she was sure he was dead, Jane scaled the cliff with ease, rescuing Maura, who rewarded her with kiss after sweet kiss. So it didn't surprise her when she woke up to Maura's lips on hers.

"Sorry," Maura whispered, looking up at Jane bashfully, caught in the act. "Your lips just looked so... kissable. I guess I couldn't help myself."

Jane smiled and returned the chaste kiss with one of her own. "You never have to apologize for that."

They shared a few soft kisses before Maura pulled away and snuggled against Jane with a sigh. "I have to get ready," she said reluctantly. "I have a magazine interview and another screening today."

Jane groaned and squeezed her tightly. "I wish we could just stay like this all day."

"Mmm, me too."

"Five more minutes?"

Maura smiled against her neck. "I think we can spare five minutes."

They spent the next several days stealing fiery glances and secret smiles at work, anticipating the moment when they could hide behind the hotel doors and return to their own little world. It was understood that they would have to maintain their distance around others, but that didn't make it easy. It always seemed to take forever. In their evenings alone, they kissed and cuddled and talked and laughed. Neither wanted to officially acknowledge what was happening, for fear of somehow ruining it, but both wanted it with a passion they couldn't tame.

Late one evening in Glasgow, after finally making it back to the safe haven of their room, they fell immediately into each other's arms. Their kiss was heated by the angst of the day, being able to see but not touch, and Maura felt arousal growing within her. This was happening increasingly often and it both excited and terrified her. She broke the kiss to catch her breath.

"Do I leave you breathless, Maura Isles?" Jane joked, laboring to replentish her own oxygen.

"Regularly, Jane Rizzoli."

"Good, then we're even." She winked.

"What shall we do tonight?"

"I don't know. I hadn't really thought past kissing you. We could just keep doing that."

Maura laughed and leaned in for another kiss, just as Jane's phone started to ring.

"Dammit!" She pulled it out of its holster and looked at the caller ID. "Of course it would be my mother." She looked at Maura apologetically. "Sorry, I gotta take this."

"Of course. I need to get changed anyway."

Jane nodded and accepted the call. "Hi Ma!"

"Jane!" Angela's voice boomed from the other end of the line. "You haven't called me, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Yes, Ma, please stop worrying. Sorry I haven't called. I'm still in Europe."

Her tone changed immediately. "My little girl is a world traveler! It's so exciting, Jane! How are you doing with all the flying? I know how you hate to fly."

"Well, Maura kinda helps me out with that."

"Oh. She doesn't give you drugs, does she? I heard those Hollywood people like to do a lot of drugs-"

"Wha- no! No, she does not give me drugs, mother! Maura doesn't do drugs!"

"Okay, you don't have to get so defensive! Maura seems like a sweet girl, but I've never actually met her. You never know these days. Though you could introduce me to her sometime. Anyway, I just wanted to call and check on you and make sure you're doing okay."

Jane watched Maura as she uncorked the red wine and strolled into the bedroom. "I'm... better than okay, actually," she said with a broad smile. "And I appreciate you checking on me."

"You do?" Angela sounded skeptical. "Since when? Who are you and what the hell have you done with my daughter?"

Jane laughed. "It's me, Ma, don't worry. I'm just... I'm really enjoying myself right now."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, honey! This is the best I've heard you sound in a long time. Maybe getting out of Boston really was the right choice for you." She sighed. "I still miss you though."

"I miss you too, Ma. And I love you," Jane said earnestly, thanking God she still had her mother in her life, while remembering that some, like Maura, were not so fortunate. "And I'm sorry that I don't tell you that often enough."

"Oh, Jane! I love you too! So much!" Angela's voice was full of joy. She wondered what had gotten into Jane all of a sudden, but she decided to just let it be for now. She was just happy that Jane seemed so happy.

They chatted for a while, catching up on where Jane had been, the things that she had seen, and all the happenings of the Rizzoli family back in Boston. Maura listened from the bedroom, wishing her own mother could call, and they could catch up on all the things they'd missed. She felt a pang of jealousy and instantly hated herself for it. There was just so much she wished could share with her mother, but would never be able to. After nearly twenty years, you'd think she would have gotten over the loneliness, but she had only learned to live with it.

This new thing with Jane- it was something unlike anything she had ever experienced. Jane's very presence took that empty feeling away, and replaced it with something wholly unfamiliar. Something big and beautiful and wonderful- and absolutely terrifying. She never imagined she would feel this strongly for Jane, and so quickly. Maura had learned by now that to love was to get hurt, and thinking about her parents now was the biggest reminder of that. And the more you love, the more pain you must endure when it inevitably ends. She was torn between allowing herself the joy of being with Jane and saving herself from the hurt that was to come later.

"Hey," Jane leaned through the doorway to the bedroom where Maura was sitting on the bed, lost in thought. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied, looking up and forcing a smile. "Everything okay with your mother?"

"Oh yeah, everything's fine." Jane came in and sat down on the bed next to her. "Helicopter mom likes to check in pretty regularly, so... are you sure you're okay?"

"Of course." She gave Jane a peck on the lips as assurance, then tried again to change the subject. "Do you want to get out of here? Go grab a bite to eat or something?"

Jane frowned. She had been looking forward to being alone with Maura all day, and now she wanted to go back out in public where they'd have to put unnecessary space between them again. But she could also tell something was up with Maura, and maybe she did just need to get out for a bit. "Sure, if that's what you want. Personally, I'm not very hungry."

"Me either," Maura admitted. "How about we just go for a walk then?"

"Okay. I'll call Thomas and-"

"No," she interrupted quickly, "that's not necessary. I don't want the whole entourage, please. I just want some fresh air."

"I don't know, Maura. It doesn't seem safe. I can't even carry a weapon here."

"It'll be fine, you won't need one. Residents don't carry weapons either, by law."

"It's not the law-abiding citizens I'm worried about."

"We'll go incognito. Please, Jane?"

When Maura gave her those puppy-dog eyes, Jane's heart melted along with her resolve. "Okay, fine. But stay close to me, alright?"

Maura's smile returned. "It would be my pleasure."

They both changed into jeans and hoodies, aimed at blending in with a crowd. Maura put her hood up to aide in her disguise, and they made their way out onto the dark city streets. Since they were trying to camouflage themselves, they allowed a rare public intimacy, Jane wrapping her arm around Maura and pulling her close. They walked in a comfortable silence for a while, until Jane couldn't take it anymore.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked finally.

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever has got you wandering the streets at night?"

Maura sighed heavily. "No, I don't think so." She looked up at Jane. "But thank you for asking."

"You know how much I care about you, right?" Jane asked.

"I believe so, yes."

"You know you can tell me anything?"

Maura remained silent. Jane stopped suddenly, startling her, and put her hands on Maura's shoulders. She stared her straight in the eye for several seconds before she spoke. "Look, I know we haven't really talked about what's happening between us, and I admit to some fault there, because I've been so afraid I'll say something to mess it up. But I want you to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that even though I can't explain it, even though I don't really understand it, _I love you_." Jane put significant emphasis on those last three words, making every attempt to drive the meaning home. "And honestly, I'm still working out the details in my head, but I know love you, Maura, and I will love and support you one thousand percent, no matter what. You can tell me anything and there's nothing you can ever say that would make me feel any different."

She searched Maura's eyes for some sign of understanding, but she could only see sadness and fear. The fear she understood. The fear was present for her too, always and increasingly so. Because Jane had never known anyone who could love her for exactly who she was. Everyone always seemed to want to change her somehow, to make her fit their mold of who they thought she should be, but not Maura. Maura knew her, Maura loved her, and Maura never tried to make her into someone she wasn't. But Jane knew that could all change at any moment. One of her greatest fears was that Maura would finally realize Jane wasn't good enough for her, and every beautiful thing in her world would come crashing down. Parts of her told her she should get out first, run before the inevitable happened, but she could never bring herself to actually do it. She was already too far gone.

"I-I-," Maura started crying, silent tears falling fast, before she could get out another word. Jane had said it. She'd said those words. _I love you_. Three words, three syllables, eight letters... and far more meaningful emotion than could ever be quantified. It wasn't that she didn't already know it to be true. It wasn't that she didn't feel the exact same way. It was that everything had just changed in an instant, the stakes made immeasurably higher. Now that it was spoken, it was real.

Jane hugged Maura tight against her chest, praying to God or whoever was listening that she didn't just ruin everything. Finally Maura pulled away slightly, sniffling, her eyes red. She kissed Jane sweetly and smiled at her, eyes still wet with tears. "I love you too, Jane," she whispered. "So much. And it frightens me to my very core."

"It scares me the hell out of me too!" Jane agreed enthusiastically, eliciting a giggle from them both. "So what should we do?"

"Well, Eleanor Roosevelt said you should do one thing every day that scares you," Maura said contemplatively.

"And I scare you? I'm trying really hard not to make that into a dirty joke." They laughed again.

"Okay how about this quote by C. Joybell: 'Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it'."

"I like that one." Jane leaned in and kissed her softly, letting her hands slide down Maura's arms to grasp her hands, then kissing the back of each one with a playful sweetness. "Because you are worth it."

"_We_ are." Maura gave Jane one more kiss on the mouth before they continued walking, hand-in-hand down the street.

Jane soon started to notice the thinning of other pedestrians as they walked. Normally this wouldn't alarm her, but they were in a strange city and she was regretfully lacking her sidearm, making her feel nervous. "Hey Maur, maybe we should turn back."

"Sure, if you want."

They stopped to turn around, releasing hands for only a second to do so, and he sprang on the opportunity. Neither of them saw him coming, and before they knew what was happening, he already had Maura's body pinned against his chest, knife to her throat.

"Money!" he screamed at them in a gruffy Scottish accent. He was large, taller than Jane, and sturdy, but his movements were frantic. "Now!"

Maura felt the cold steel of the blade against her skin. She could hear her pulse beating in her ears. She was paralyzed with fear.

Jane fought to remain steady as panic threatened to overtake her. "We don't have any money! We were just going for a walk. We didn't bring any money, I swear!"

Maura felt the blade barely pierce her skin, a small trail of warm blood spilling across her neck. _A threat, or a promise?_ She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, trying to shut out the fear, but it was useless. She prayed this man would believe them and let her go. She didn't want to die, not today. Not on the day she told her she loved her.


	8. What's Best

**A/N: If you had to skip the last paragraph of the last chapter, I suggest you also skip the first one here (plus the italicized part). Same TW applies.**

* * *

_Maura felt the blade barely pierce her skin, a small trail of warm blood seeping out onto her neck. A threat. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, trying to shut out the fear, but it was useless. She prayed this man would believe them and let her go. She didn't want to die on the day she told her she loved her._

"Here!" Jane removed her watch and threw it at the mugger, turning his interest from Maura for a split second- just long enough to make her move. She grabbed his wrists, ripping him quickly away from Maura and pushed him into the brick face of the building behind him. She slammed the hand with the knife into the wall, bloodying his knuckles and forcing him to drop the weapon while pinning his hand against the brick. With her other hand grasping his other wrist, effectively restraining him against the wall, she drew her knee up forcefully into his groin. He groaned in agony, doubling over in pain, and she released his hands to punch him hard in the face, his head jerking with the force of the blow. Blood poured from his nose as she hit him again, busting his lip wide open and staining his teeth deep red. His hands flew to his face for protection, and she kicked him in the stomach, violently forcing the air from his lungs. When he fell to the ground, bloody and beaten, Jane picked the knife up off the ground and tossed it into a nearby trash can before enveloping Maura in her arms.

"Are you okay?" she asked, hurriedly looking Maura up and down.

"Yeah, I think so," she answered, her hand covering the cut on her neck.

"Let me see your neck."

"I'd rather not release pressure just yet. Let's just go back to the room so I can get a good look at it."

Jane jerked her head up in surprise. "Maura, we need to get you to a hospital! We need to call the police and have this asshole arrested!"

"No! Jane, we can't do that! It will be all over the news – it will be a huge mess." She looked at Jane with renewed panic in her eyes. "Please Jane, let's just go."

"Maura this is serious-"

"Jane, please," she begged.

Because she was apparently incapable of saying no to Maura, Jane agreed for the moment and they walked briskly back to the hotel, Maura clinging to her the entire way. When they got back to her suite, they went straight into the bathroom to examine Maura's neck. The fresh cut was just over half an inch long and not quite deep enough to require stitches. It had stopped bleeding, so they worked together to clean, seal, and bandage it with the supplies they found in the room's first aid kit. Maura repeatedly refused to see a doctor or to report the attempted mugging, despite Jane's many attempts to convince her otherwise. She was insistent that no one find out about the incident, lest any of the details make it to the press, especially her late night walk alone with Jane, and the kiss that her mugger likely witnessed before the attack. She only hoped he didn't know who she was, or that if he did, he'd keep his mouth shut, given the circumstances.

"You're absolutely sure we can't tell somebody about this?" Jane asked again, both frustrated and concerned.

"Can we please just drop it?" Maura pleaded, walking out of the bathroom to sit on the edge of the bed and remove her shoes.

Jane followed her. "Maura you could have been killed!"

As the adrenaline faded from her body, the realization began to set in for Maura that she really could have been killed. She could be dead right now – or worse, dying alone in the street – had Jane not been there to save her. She felt her heart rate increase, the pounding in her chest growing in intensity the more she thought about it. She tried to take a deep, slow breath, to clear her head of the images, but she couldn't seem to fill her lungs with air. It felt like someone was sitting on her chest.

"Maura, are you okay?" Jane stared into her panic-stricken eyes.

She looked up at Jane and swallowed, unable to speak. Her hands went numb and she started to shake.

"Oh baby, come here," Jane soothed, frustration now replaced entirely by worry. She sat down beside her and pulled Maura into her lap, wrapping her arms around her, and squeezed tightly. She gently rocked her back and forth, softly whispering words of comfort in her ear.

It took a long time, but eventually the trembling subsided, and Maura's heart rate seemed to return to normal. When she finally felt like she could breathe again, she rasped into Jane's ear a quiet but sincere, "Thank you."

"Are you okay?" she asked again.

Maura nodded.

Jane searched her eyes for confirmation. "What can I do?"

"Just hold me."

Jane hugged her tightly. "Come on, let's get under the covers."

They kicked off their shoes, removed their jeans and hoodies, and wiggled under the covers together. Jane pulled Maura to her chest, and Maura snuggled into the crook of her neck, the raw smell of Jane calming the rest of her over-excited nerves. They lay like that in silence for several minutes, just breathing each other in.

"Thank you for saving me," Maura said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'll always save you," Jane replied softly.

Maura smiled against her skin. "You were very... badass."

Jane chuckled. "Oh that's nothing. You should have seen me when I was on the force. I could easily take down guys twice his size. Drug dealers, murderers... I'd have 'em on the ground and in cuffs before they knew what hit 'em." She smiled fondly.

"You really liked being a detective, didn't you?"

"I loved it. I was damn good at it too."

"So why did you quit?"

Jane sighed heavily. "That's a loaded question."

Maura remained silent, hoping Jane would elaborate.

"I killed a man," she said finally. "A bad man, a very bad man. A serial killer."

"Is that a bad thing?" Maura was genuinely confused.

"Only because I didn't have to kill him," Jane admitted. "And I've never said that out loud to anyone."

"But he was a serial killer, right? Isn't the world a safer place without him?"

"Yes, definitely. But I shouldn't have done what I did. I should have arrested him, let him have his fair trial, and rot in prison for the rest of his life. That's what good cops do. It wasn't my place to do what I did." Jane felt nauseous even thinking about it.

"I'm sure you did what you had to do," Maura said, stroking her arm tenderly.

Jane shook her head. "No. I didn't have to kill him. But I was so angry, I- _I wanted to_. I made a conscious choice. I _wanted_ to kill him and I did." Jane didn't know why she was spilling her deepest secret to Maura as if she was her therapist, but she couldn't stop. "In that moment, I became just like the killers I hunted down. I became one of them. And now I have to live with that every single day of my life. What I did. What I am."

Maura pulled away slightly to look at Jane's face. It was dark, contemplative. Worry lines creased her brow and her eyes seemed unfocused. Maura wanted to reach into whatever world Jane had slipped into and pull her out, bring her back. "One little moment of your past does not define who you are, Jane."

"Oh, there was nothing little about this moment, trust me." She went on to explain the entire Hoyt fiasco, starting from the very beginning. She told Maura about working the case, hunting him down, about being knocked out and pinned to the floor with scalpels, terrified of what he was about to do to her. "I never felt so scared, so vulnerable. That's just not me. I've always been the strong one, you know? The brave one, not afraid of anything. Hoyt changed that, and I guess I started to forget who I was."

"You don't seem afraid anymore."

"Well, being afraid made me angry, because that was easier for me, I guess. I was so mad all the time, and I wouldn't talk about it to anybody. They made me see a shrink, but I just said what I had to say so that I could get cleared for duty again. I took out my anger on every perp, every case. I took it out on my family, my co-workers. The few friends I had just sort of disappeared. Then when Hoyt escaped prison, he came after me again. I didn't seek him out, he came after me to finish what he'd started."

"So then wasn't it technically self-defense?"

"Officially, yes. Truthfully... not so much. I had already shot his accomplice in self-defense – that part doesn't bother me – and had subdued Hoyt with a taser. He was lying on the ground, pretty much defenseless. I stood over him and I aimed my gun at his chest, right at his heart. I looked him in the eyes," she paused and took a breath. She'd never told the real story to anyone. "And I shot him dead."

Maura laid her head on Jane's chest, trying to think of the right thing to say, but coming up empty. Instead, she traced slow patterns on Jane's arm.

"So you see," Jane said, "I'm the same as him now."

"No," Maura argued firmly. "You are _not_ the same." She reached up to run her hand through Jane's hair. "You are strong. You are brave. You're smart. And you're a good person, Jane."

"No, I'm a killer."

She shook her head. "It's not that simple. Think of all the people who got to live because of what you did. All the potential victims whose lives you saved. You're a hero."

"I'm not a hero."

Maura leaned up on her elbow and looked into Jane's eyes, holding her with her gaze. "You are to me."

Jane stared back into hazel orbs, searching for signs of doubt, but not finding a single one. "I wish I could see myself the way you do."

Maura kissed her softly, and Jane closed her eyes, giving in to the passion that had been building. She pulled Maura closer, quickly deepening the kiss, letting all of her emotions flow through her. Her hands wandered from the back of Maura's head down to her shoulders and back, caressing the tight muscles, and landing finally on her firm backside. Maura's body reacted favorably to the touch, her hips began to roll and a small moan escaped her lips. The sound caused a jolt of electricity to run through Jane, straight to her core, and she felt wetness growing between her legs.

"Woah," she said, pulling back suddenly.

Maura blushed. "Sorry. Did I get carried away?"

"Uh no, actually I think I did," Jane sighed. "I'm still trying to figure this out."

"Figure _what _out, exactly?" Maura was genuinely confused.

"This. Us." Jane lowered her gaze to avoid looking at Maura. "The fact that I want to do things with you I've never even thought about with another woman."

"Such as?"

Jane's face reddened. "Don't make me say it."

Maura felt bold enough, though. "Sex?" Jane didn't answer, so she continued. "I've been thinking about it too."

Jane's head shot up. "Really?"

"Yes," she chuckled and gave Jane a sly smile. "A lot, actually."

"With me?" Jane pointed to her own chest, still in disbelief.

Now Maura had to outright laugh. "Yes, of course with you!"

Jane was momentarily relieved. "Wait. Have you ever – _you know _– with a woman before?"

"No. Though I've always found the idea rather... intriguing."

"Well what if we try it and we're no good at it?"

"Why are you so worried?" Maura wondered aloud.

"Because I don't want to lose you."

"Jane, what we have between us isn't going away over something as trivial as intercourse."

"Ugh, can you please _not _say the word 'intercourse' ever again?"

"I'm serious. If, on the off-chance, we're not 'good at it' as you say, then we'll simply have to keep practicing until we get 'good at it'. Fair enough?"

Jane smiled brightly and squeezed Maura again. "How did you get to be so perfect?"

"I'm not perfect, Jane."

"You are to me." She offered a soft kiss as evidence of her feelings. "But I don't know if I'm ready for... _you know._"

"That's okay. There's no rush," Maura assured her. "All I want right now is for you to hold me until I fall asleep."

"That, my dear, I can do."

Then with smiles and a kiss, they fell asleep in each others' arms.

That night, Maura's screams woke Jane in a panic. The room was dark and empty, except for the two of them, and it only took her a few seconds to realize that Maura was having a nightmare. She shook her gently.

"Maura..."

Still asleep, Maura pushed Jane away, screaming at her, hitting and kicking violently in the bed.

"Maura!" She yelled this time, grabbing Maura firmly by the shoulders, and her eyes shot open, wide and terrified. "Maura, honey, it was a dream. It was just a dream," she soothed, pulling the blonde to her chest and gripping her tightly.

Maura clung to Jane, trying to steady her breathing while surveying her surroundings. It took her a moment to be sure that she was in fact here, in the hotel suite with Jane, and not in an abandoned alley, bleeding to death alone on the pavement. A thick layer of sweat coated her body, and had drenched the twisted sheets beneath her.

"Jane," she whispered in relief, maintaining her firm grip.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm right here. Everything's okay."

When Maura calmed down, she pulled away to look at Jane, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, I don't know what happened."

"I'm pretty sure what happened is that you had a nightmare," Jane said softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "I don't remember much."

"What do you remember?"

Maura took a few deep breaths. "Dying," she said finally, and looked down at her lap. "Alone."

"Hey." Jane put her hand under Maura's chin and lifted her face so they were eye to eye. "I will never let that happen, okay?"

Maura nodded. She knew Jane would do anything in her power to keep her safe, but she also knew that some things were out of her control. Her hand flew instinctively to the bandage on her neck. _If Jane hadn't been there..._

"Try not to think about it," Jane said, removing Maura's hand from the wound and holding it between her palms. "We have an early flight. Do you think you can sleep?"

"I'm going to try."

Neither of them really slept, but they held each other silently until the alarm went off, then got up to shower. Maura removed the bandage on her neck and covered the glue-sealed mark with makeup as best she could. The ride to the airport was quiet, as both women were too tired from lack of sleep to attempt conversation, and the three hour flight to Rome was no different. Their attempts to nap on the plane were thwarted by several bouts of turbulence, leaving Jane more than a little unsettled. There was no time to rest afterward either, because they had to go straight to the studio to begin hair and makeup for Maura's interview. Jane sipped coffee and watched, captivated, as Maura carried on a conversation in Italian with the makeup artist. She almost didn't notice when Charlie sat down next to her. In fact, she almost didn't notice Charlie at all, most of the time. He was a small man, close to Maura's height but chubbier, with ugly Simon Cowell-looking hair and eyebrows so high he looked perpetually surprised. His plain appearance and dainty voice made him typically inconspicuous, but there was a vexing air about him today that Jane noticed and tried to ignore.

"She's really something, isn't she?" He motioned toward Maura. His voice was quiet, but there was something mildly antagonistic in his tone that Jane didn't appreciate.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Sure."

He chuckled. "Nice. Act like it's nothing."

She was way too exhausted for this bullshit. "If you have something to say, Charlie, just say it. I'm too tired today for childish games."

"Aww, but I like games," he said mockingly.

Jane took a deep breath to calm her irritation. It didn't work. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Nope. I'm her assistant, remember? I'm here to assist her."

"Well she's got plenty of assistance right now, so how about you run along? I'll come get you personally if she needs you."

"I bet you will."

"Charlie, so help me-

"I see the way you look at her. The way you two buddy up and run off together, spending all that time alone together in her room. It's inappropriate, you know."

Jane swallowed. She thought they'd been more careful in front of the others. And how did he know she'd been spending so much time in Maura's room? Their rooms were adjoined, no one could have known which one she was in at any given time. Perhaps he was guessing. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay, keep pretending. But you can't keep it a secret for long. People notice things. The looks, the little touches, holding hands on the plane... it's only a matter of time."

She huffed. "What are you saying, exactly?"

"I'm saying you should stop whatever it is you're doing. For her sake and yours. You'll lose your job, you'll get blacklisted. Worse yet, it could ruin her career. Do you really want to be responsible for that?"

Jane looked down. She knew the prick was right. "No."

"Good 'cause I don't wanna end up working for someone like Naomi Campbell."

Jane looked back up at Maura, smiling through her weariness as she chatted away in smooth Italian. She was so beautiful, in every way. And the way she made Jane feel when they were together – that feeling was completely incomparable to anything she'd ever felt, and probably ever would. This amazing woman had given her so much emotionally, had taken away her anger and replaced it with something wonderful. How could she return the favor by willingly ruining Maura's life?

When they finally got to the hotel suite that night, Maura could tell something was the matter with Jane.

"What's going on with you?" she asked as soon as the door shut behind them.

"Huh? Oh, nothing."

"Your body language suggests otherwise," she remarked with a raised eyebrow.

Jane sighed. Maura didn't miss a thing. "I'm just tired. It's been a long day on very little sleep."

"Sorry. I guess that's kind of my fault." Maura looked down at her hands.

"Hey," Jane grabbed Maura's hands in her own, suddenly feeling guilty. "It's not your fault, okay?" She wanted to kiss her, to pull her into her arms and tell her everything was just fine, but she didn't. "How's your neck?"

"It's fine. Doesn't hurt."

"Did the makeup artist say anything?"

"I just told her I'd had a little incident last night. I didn't elaborate and she didn't ask."

"That's good." She let go of Maura's hands and turned towards her own room. "Well, I'm exhausted. We should probably try to get some sleep."

Maura furrowed her brow as she watched Jane walk away into her own room. She decided to go ahead and change into her pajamas and wait on the couch for Jane to return. When Jane failed to come back after several minutes, dressed for bed as usual, Maura decided to go investigate. She tiptoed quietly through the door to the adjoining room and found Jane sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over with eyes closed and her head in her hands.

"Jane?" she asked tentatively, "is everything okay?"

Jane's looked up, her pained expression almost too much for Maura to bear. "Uh, yeah. I told you, I'm just tired. I might, um, sleep in here tonight."

Maura stepped back as if she'd been slapped. "Alone?"

"If that's alright with you."

"Of course," she said slowly, wrapping her arms around herself. "Staying with me – or not staying with me – is always your choice, Jane."

Jane knew what choice she wanted to make, but she did what she felt was best. "Okay," she said with a tight smile. "Goodnight then."

"Goodnight."

Maura turned to leave, but then she stopped. This didn't feel right. She couldn't give up this easily. Not on Jane.

"But first," she said, turning back to face Jane again, "can I make one request? Not as someone you work for, but as your friend?"

Jane shrank back. She didn't want to hear Maura's request because her willpower was fading. She was hurting Maura, she could see it, and it was breaking her heart. She needed her to leave, so she nodded her consent to get this request over with.

"Please tell me _why_." Maura's voice broke on the last word and a single tear fell down her cheek.

Jane's resolve shattered. She jumped off the bed and hugged Maura tightly. "It's because I love you," she whispered.

"What?"

"I love you, Maura, and I don't want to be your downfall."

"Jane, what in the world are you talking about?"

She sighed and pulled Maura down on the edge of the bed, sitting next to her. "Charlie said something to me today."

"Okay...?"

"He's noticed... the way we interact. He knows there's something going on between us."

"Charlie's my PA. He signed a contract with a confidentiality clause, which he's legally bound to abide by. He can't say anything or he could be sued, and he knows that."

"I doubt he's the only one, Maura. If he's noticed, other people eventually will too."

Maura took a deep breath. "Maybe we'll just have to be more careful when we're around other people. We'll... not hold hands on the plane, we'll avoid touching each other at all in public if we have to. But this is our safe haven, Jane. This is where we can be together however we want and it's no one's business but ours."

"We're risking your career!"

"You don't think I know that?"

"Don't you care?"

"Jane, if my acting career goes up in flames because I fell in love with you, then it will be _my_ fault, not yours. Let me worry about that."

"See that's the thing, I don't _want_ you to worry about it. I don't want to be the cause of your worry at all."

"Well that's tough, Jane, because I worry everyday that you're going to get scared and run off on me. Pretty much like you're doing now."

"I'm sorry Maura, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I'm just trying to do what's best for you."

"No, you're trying to do what _you think_ is best for me. But in this case you're wrong." She brushed a stray lock of hair from Jane's face and tucked it lovingly behind her ear before placing a meaningful kiss on her lips. Her eyes were full of unshed tears when she looked into Jane's chocolate eyes. "What's best for me, Jane, is _you_."


	9. Named Desire

**A/N: We're venturing into 'M' territory now, folks. Of a sexual nature. Don't say I didn't warn you.**

* * *

"_No, you're trying to do what you think is best for me. But in this case you're wrong. What's best for me is you."_

Jane chewed her lip. "Are you sure?"

Maura smiled and nodded. "Absolutely."

Jane smiled back and leaned in for a kiss before she realized what Maura had said. "Wait, did you just say you... _fell in love_ with me?"

Maura nodded. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Well I think that you love me, but _in love_..." Jane was caught between skepticism and elation, "that's something completely different."

Maura took a deep breath. "What I feel with you _is_ something completely different. It's different than anything I've ever felt. I can't even describe how you make me feel. I am definitely in love with you, Jane Rizzoli. And you better not try running off for my sake, because losing you would be the worst thing that could happen to me."

Jane pulled Maura to her lap and squeezed her tightly, peppering her face with kisses until they both started giggling. When their laughter subsided, still smiling, she looked into Maura's hazel eyes. "I want to protect you, in every way possible. Because I am in love with you too, Maura Isles, and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy."

"All you have to do is stay. That will make me happy."

Jane pulled her in for a long, sensuous kiss. When their lips parted, they leaned cozily into each other, utterly exhausted, the weight of the day settling around them. They spent several minutes simply basking in the comfort of each others' bodies, feeling and appreciating each other's warmth.

"Maura?" Jane finally whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go to bed."

"Let's sleep here," she suggested, weariness evident in her voice. "I'm so tired."

"Okay."

"Okay," Maura echoed, climbing under the covers.

Jane removed her clothes, except for a t-shirt and underwear to sleep in, and curled up closely behind her. She wrapped an arm around the smaller woman, pulling her even tighter, and whispered in her ear. "Sweet dreams, beautiful."

"Sweet dreams," Maura murmured back, and fell into the sweetest slumber.

As exhausted as she was, Jane didn't fall asleep as quickly. She lay there listening to Maura to breathe and thinking about the love growing between them. It was so unexpected. So unlikely. And not just because Maura was a woman, or a movie star, or even because she was the most amazing person Jane had ever met. What made it so unbelievable was the fact that Jane had long given up on the idea of truly being in love, dismissed it as a childhood fantasy fueled by Disney fairy tales and poorly-written movies. Like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, it made for a great story, a fun illusion, but nothing more. Yet here she was, in a fancy hotel on the other side of the world, holding tightly to the most precious thing she'd ever known – and absolutely, positively, _terrifyingly in love_.

The next morning, Maura woke early, feeling refreshed and cheerful. She gently eased out of bed, careful not to wake Jane, and sneaked back into her own room to order room service. While she waited for the attendant to arrive, she put on a pot of water to boil and opened the curtains to admire her spectacular view of Paris. Smiling down at the city, she realized how lucky she felt. She had always been thankful for her successful career and financial prosperity, but Jane's love was something so great, she wondered if she even deserved it. More than anything, she wondered if it could last. Maura still feared losing Jane – more than anything in the world – but she had decided to let herself fall, because she really couldn't stop herself anyway.

The room service attendant brought up a steaming breakfast platter, a bowl of fresh fruit, and a bag of French gourmet coffee beans, leaving them in the suite's kitchen and and silently retreating with his generous tip. Maura hummed to herself while she ground the beans and added them to the French press, then carefully poured the boiling water over the fresh grounds. She was stirring the slurry when Jane walked in.

"What's with all the– is that bacon I smell?"

Maura looked up and smiled. "Good morning! And yes, it's a breakfast platter with bacon, sausage, eggs, Belgian waffles, crepes-"

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeding the entire floor?"

"I didn't know what you'd want," she answered with a shrug, finishing her task and setting the timer.

Jane grinned and walked behind Maura, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing her cheek. "Mmm... just you. But the food does smell really good."

"Coffee too," Maura added, nodding toward the steeping press. "It's Carte Noire. Very well-known here, but equally hard to find in the United States. It has a rich, full flavor, without the bitterness. It's delicious, I can't wait for you to try it!"

Jane looked at the bag and frowned at the French writing. "Uhn cafe nome deesir?" she profoundly mispronounced.

"Un café nommé désir," Maura corrected, the words rolling off her tongue in the sexiest way. "_A coffee named desire_."

"Desire?" Jane smirked. "I think I know a thing or two about that." She leaned down to place open-mouthed kisses on Maura's neck.

Maura let her head fall to the side, allowing Jane better access, and closed her eyes to revel in the sensation. Her skin ignited under Jane's lips and she tried to ignore the warmth growing between her legs. She didn't mind waiting until Jane was ready to have sex, but moments like this were making it increasingly difficult. She bit her lip to stifle a moan.

Jane barely noticed her hips pushing forward into Maura, who was meeting her with equal force. Maura's throat was so soft under her lips, and the scent of her skin made Jane dizzy. She could no longer deny the need that was burning deep inside her.

The timer went off and they both jumped, breaking apart just enough to come to their senses. Maura cleared her throat.

"That's the um- the coffee. It's- ready." She picked up the carafe and pressed down on the top, separating the dark liquid from the fresh grounds. Then she poured them each a cup and added a little cream and sugar for herself. Jane fixed hers as well and took a tentative sip.

"Wow!" She looked at Maura, who was watching her reaction intently. "You're right, this is quite possibly the best coffee I've ever had!"

Maura beamed. "Have some breakfast too."

Jane walked over to the covered dish and removed the lid, steam rising, the aroma filling her nostrils. Her mouth watered. She picked up a plate and filled it with a little bit of everything, knowing she couldn't eat it all, but determined to try anyway. Maura put some fruit on a small plate and joined Jane at the table.

"That's all you're having?" Jane scrunched her face at Maura's breakfast.

"I have a premiere this evening so I have to eat light."

"Is that why you're making googly-eyes at my bacon?"

Maura's face twisted, then she shrugged. "Just a small piece won't hurt," she said, picking up a slice from Jane's plate.

"Hey, get your own!" Jane said with a smile.

They talked about their schedule for the upcoming day and tried to work out some ground rules for discretion in public. No touching at all, unless it was a life-threatening emergency. All conversations should include at least one other person. No inside jokes. And smiling at each other should be avoided. It seemed simple enough.

They were wrong. Every inch of intentional distance between them felt like miles. The lack of their usual conversation made awkward minutes stretch into agonizing hours. And each woman found great difficulty in looking at the other without smiling, so they eventually started avoiding eye contact too. Jane glued herself to a chair in the corner while Maura was being made up, trying her best to ignore the way the actress's tailored scarlet dress hugged her incredible curves. Meanwhile, Maura couldn't stop stealing glances, trying to read Jane's face in the mirror. It was torture for them both.

They rode to the premiere in the back of a rented limousine with one of Maura's costars and both entourages. It was a bit crowded, and Jane and Maura ended up seated next to each other, pressed thigh to thigh. Jane could feel Maura's body heat through the fabric of her slacks, and subconsciously leaned in closer. She smelled incredible.

Maura noticed Jane's slight movement and the change in her breathing. She dared look her in the eye and their gazes locked. Jane swallowed. Maura licked her lips. They both looked away simultaneously. _So much for simple._

When the door opened to the crowd, they both went into work mode. Maura turned her attention to the cameras, smiling and posing with the other stars, while Jane took to seeking out potential dangers. With all the cameras and the event's own security, Jane would sometimes end up far enough that Maura could no longer sense her presence. Whenever this would happen, Jane would watch as Maura sought out her face among the hundreds, and felt her stomach jump every time eye contact was achieved. Maura's mouth would turn up into a satisfied smirk, and Jane would match it. Even across any distance, with any number of people between them, electricity flew from just that look.

After the showing, the cast decided on food and drinks at the hotel bar. Maura couldn't wait to be alone with Jane in the suite upstairs, but she knew she had to keep up appearances, so she slowly sipped a glass of red wine while the others got trashed on shot after shot of expensive liquor. Jane was seated with the other bodyguards, halfway between the stars and the door. While some of them were talking amongst themselves, Jane's attention was fixed on Maura, who also couldn't keep her eyes off Jane. It didn't matter how hard they tried to avoid it, their eyes always found each other, and everything else seemed to fall away. Jane was having a really hard time focusing on her job, and Maura could tell. It was as if they could speak their own secret language without words. When she decided her costars were intoxicated enough forgive her early departure, Maura excused herself back to her room with Jane in tow.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Jane had Maura pinned up against it. Maura let out a small yelp of surprise and excitement as Jane's lips enveloped hers, red hot passion spilling out and spiraling through them both. They pressed their bodies together hungrily, hands wildly roaming, searching, grasping. Maura pushed Jane's blazer down her arms and set to work unbuttoning her shirt until she could no longer restrain herself and she ripped the shirt open, sending the remaining buttons flying across the hardwood floor. Jane gasped as cool air hit her bare skin and allowed Maura to push the shirt off her back before grabbing Maura's wrists to pin them against the back of the door. With Maura's hands bound above her, Jane proceeded to nip and suck at her exposed neck, eliciting unrestrained moans from the smaller blonde. Part of Jane was yelling at her to stop and think about what she was doing, to consider if she was ready to take this step and face the possible consequences. But that part of her was being silenced by the burning desire that had been steadily growing within her, now uncontrollable as wildfire. Passion had completely taken over and there was no room left for fear or insecurity. As her mouth moved down Maura's hot flesh, her hands slid down her arms and around to her back, pulling down the zipper of her dress and running her hands along her bare back. As she pulled the dress down, she kissed every inch of skin as it became exposed: her freckled chest, ghosting over silk-covered nipples, down to the sensitive skin below her belly-button. Maura closed her eyes, gasping for breath, her legs trembling as the sensations took her over. When the dress finally fell to Maura's feet, Jane stood back up to her full height, grabbed Maura's ass and picked her up off the ground, wrapping her legs around her waist. Maura moaned loudly as Jane pressed her against the door, pushing her core into her as she kissed her deeply.

"Bed, Jane. Bed." Maura's voice was deep and breathy, full of lust. Jane obeyed, supporting both their weight as she made her way quickly to the king-sized bed. They fell back on the soft mattress, Jane's lips never stopping for a moment as she found Maura's breast and took it into her mouth, sucking through the fabric of her bra and running her teeth over the hardened bud.

"Oh Jane..."

The sound of her name on Maura's swollen lips was enough to make her moan. She moved to her other breast to worship it equally, Maura's hands threading into her hair, tugging at her wild curls. Maura's hands guided Jane's mouth back to her own, forceful tongues battling for dominance as she sat up, still straddling Jane's torso. Clothing had become too much a hindrance for Maura, and she quickly reached down, grasping the hem of Jane's tank top and pulling it off roughly. Jane returned her lips to Maura's, and reached her arms around her to unclasp her bra. Maura exhaled as she felt the release, then quickly did the same for Jane. They pressed their bodies desperately together, skin on hot sweaty skin, and for the first time Jane felt Maura's wetness through her silk panties, pressing hard against her. It was enough to drive her irrevocably mad. She didn't know it was possible to be this aroused.

Without ever removing her mouth from Maura, Jane pushed her back onto the bed, holding herself above her with her with one hand and fondling her breast with the other. Maura reached down to unbutton and unzip Jane's pants, tugging them at the hips in silent request. Jane obliged and quickly removed them, tossing them blindly across the room while keeping her attention firmly affixed on the woman in front of her. She hooked her fingers around the sides of Maura's lace thong and pulled it down smooth legs, exposing her fully. Jane had never seen anyone or anything so beautiful in all her life. A fresh wave of desire washed over her and she thrust her hips desperately downward. Maura let out a raw moan.

"Jane please..."

She palmed Maura's left breast while taking the other in her mouth and sucking hard, eliciting a sharp cry from the blonde. Maura was quaking beneath her, aching for release. She took Jane's hand from her breast and guided it through a light trail of curls to where she needed it most, pressing against hot flesh. They both gasped as Jane let a finger slide through wet folds, barely grazing the side of Maura's swollen clit.

"Jane please," Maura begged again, "I want you inside me."

A fresh wave of heat radiated through Jane's body and she pressed two long fingers to Maura's opening, teasing briefly, then thrust deep into her.

"Oh yes!" Maura's breath came out in short gasps as Jane developed a rhythm, pumping with her fingers and stroking her clit with her thumb. Maura was completely unhinged. She was so close already, all Jane had to do was curl her fingers and Maura's walls clenched around them. When Maura came, it was fully and loudly, without a single inhibition. Her body shook and she made the most delicious sounds, shouting affirmations and calling Jane's name like a prayer. Jane's heart raced and she became intoxicated at the sight and sound of it, helping Maura ride out her orgasm on her fingers.

When the last tremors left her body, Maura collapsed back into the bed, still breathing heavily. Jane withdrew her fingers, sucking Maura's juices from them, and fell down next to her. She figured Maura would need some time to recover, but Maura didn't miss a beat. With a strength and energy neither knew she had, she rolled on top of Jane and kissed her passionately, tasting herself on Jane's lips. She brought her thigh to rest between Jane's legs, adding pressure to her burning core as she nipped at her neck and shoulder, causing Jane's hips to thrust hungrily against her. Her skin was salty with sweat as Maura kissed her way to Jane's breasts, biting and sucking the hardened nipples. As hard as she tried, Jane could not control the throaty moans escaping her, desperate for the release that had been building for far too long. Maura sensed her need and removed her thigh to continue kissing downward, running her hands graciously over toned abs before slipping her fingers under the hem of Jane's panties and pulling them down and off her long legs. She ran her hands along the insides of Jane's thighs, spreading them open and placing hungry kisses along an upward path. The scent of Jane's arousal was heavy and tantalizing, and Maura closed her eyes as she ran her tongue through Jane's folds.

"Oh God, Maura..."

She circled her clit with her tongue and Jane's moans grew louder, hypnotizing her. As her tongue continued to tease and touch Jane's bundle of nerves, she slid a finger easily inside her opening, then two, and synced a rhythm with her fingers and tongue until Jane's hips bucked off the bed, intense pleasure washing over her in carefully orchestrated waves as she came silently, twice in quick succession.

Maura crawled back up Jane's body, a satisfied smirk on her face, and laid her head down on her shoulder, wrapping an arm around her waist and intertwining their legs. She had a sudden sharp need to be as physically as close to her as possible. Jane took her hand and laced their fingers together, silently taking a moment to catch her breath.

"So," Maura started, "all that worrying you did about our potential sexual incompatibility-"

"Waste of time," Jane finished with a chuckle. "Huge waste of time. Time that could have been spent doing _this_ instead."

Maura laughed and nodded. "True."

"So now I guess we have to make up for that lost time." She raised her eyebrows. "That was... well, let's just say I thought multiple orgasms were an urban legend until tonight."

A faint blush crept up Maura's cheeks at what she took as a personal compliment. "I told you you had nothing to worry about."

"Maura Isles, where have you been all my life?" she asked playfully.

Maura gave a genuine smile. "I've been waiting for you, of course."

Jane's heart swelled and she kissed her deeply. Kisses and light touches quickly turned into more as their arousal began to build again. They never stopped to count the hours that passed as they made love without haste, tenderly exploring each other's bodies, learning every inch, every curve, every scar. They cataloged every sound and the touch that elicited it. They touched and tasted and felt, and they forgot everything in the world that ever existed outside of the two of them. And when the sun came up, they watched it rise through the window, wrapped naked in each other in a state of unmatched bliss, before drifting off to sleep.


	10. Two Surprises

As the sun climbed over the city of Paris, two lovers took advantage of the rare opportunity to sleep in. A full night of lovemaking had left their bodies in desperate need of rest, and the dreams that flowed through their minds were full of light and beauty, rather than the darkness that had so often haunted them. When consciousness threatened to steal that away from her, Jane first tried to fight it, but when she opened her eyes to a sleeping Maura, she realized that her reality had surpassed even her happiest dreams, and a warmth washed over her. Her eyes studied Maura's face, breathtaking and peaceful. Her breathing was soft, her bare chest rising and falling with each inspiration, each expiration. She was wrapped only partially by the satin sheet, much of her creamy white skin left exposed, and memories of the previous night flooded Jane's mind instantly. Had she not woken feeling physically and emotionally fulfilled, with a naked Maura next to her, she likely would not have believed it happened. It seemed too good to be true. How could she be _so _loved by a woman like Maura Isles? And how could she feel such love for her in return? And the sex... God, the sex. It should have been terrible, awful, awkward- it simply wasn't possible for everything with Maura to be so perfect. But somehow it was. She hadn't planned it. In fact, she had planned to avoid it, for fear that the expected awfulness would ruin what they already had. But her burning desire for Maura had become too strong, and she could no longer fight what they had both wanted so badly. It was pure passion at first- raw and untamed desire. After that, the fear was gone, and they were free to take their time exploring one another. It was amazing. It was ethereal. It was unlike anything Jane had ever experienced.

One of her arms was trapped under sleeping Maura, cradling her neck, and the other reached over to stroke her soft cheek. Maura stirred slightly, a sigh in her throat, and a smile crept across her face. Though she didn't open her eyes yet, Jane could tell she was awakening. She let the fingertips of her free hand trail lightly down the blonde's neck, over her rounded shoulder, and down her slender arm to lace their fingers together.

"Good morning, beautiful," Jane whispered in her ear.

"Good morning." Maura turned slightly, searching for Jane's lips and greeting them with a warm kiss.

"Sorry about the morning breath," Jane smirked.

"It's well worth it."

"Can you believe we slept til after eleven?"

"Well considering we didn't go to sleep until after sunrise, it isn't all that surprising." She looked at Jane seriously, studying her features nervously for the reaction to her next statement. "I hope you enjoyed last night as much as I did."

Jane hummed. "Even more."

"I do not believe that is possible."

"Oh, it is. And I assure you, it is true."

"How about we say we enjoyed it equally?"

Jane's head snapped up. "Why, were you keeping score or something?"

Maura chuckled at that. "No!"

"I don't care, as long as we can keep enjoying it." She gave her a chaste kiss.

Never one to pass up an opportunity, Maura quickly rolled over on top of Jane and started kissing her deeply, pressing her center to Jane's. They were both panting by the time she broke the kiss. Maura smirked and raised an eyebrow. "We could start right now?"

Jane grinned and pulled her body as close as possible, crushing their lips together in another searing kiss.

After a few rounds of extraordinary morning sex, the women lay in bed again, procrastinating their inevitable departure from their little bubble of bliss. "I wish we weren't working," Maura thought aloud, her typically logical mind swirling with sex-induced hormones. "I wish we didn't have any responsibilities and I could take you around Paris to show you the sights."

Jane pictured it in her head, the two of them strolling the old streets hand-in-hand, taking pictures together in front of the Eiffel Tower, feeding each other fresh croissants and people-watching at sidewalk cafes. Normally that level of 'mushy' would disgust her, but this fantasy seemed so sweet that she found herself longing for it. "Maybe someday."

When they had not a single minute left to spare, they forced themselves out of the bed and got ready for Maura's final Paris appearance. Afterward, they caught a red-eye to who-cares-where, because now that they had each other, totally and completely, they were at home and location no longer mattered.

More than a week passed by unnoticed. They went through the motions with Maura's appearances, better able to control themselves in public now that the sexual tension was being handled with astounding regularity. Time spent alone in various hotel suites was never wasted. Behind closed doors, they made up for lost time, and then some. It wasn't until they landed in New York that they paused long enough to remember the existence of the real world.

"I can't believe we're back in the States already!" Jane exclaimed as they climbed into the back of their towncar at LaGuardia. "Europe went by way faster than I expected."

Maura leaned in so the others wouldn't hear when she replied. "Well, you were a bit... distracted."

Jane stifled a laugh and shook her head. "To say the least."

As they neared the hotel, Jane was struck by the familiarity of New York City streets. It was the first city she'd recognized in weeks, and so much had changed in that time. It had been easy to dismiss the change in herself when she was in a foreign place, as if it were a dream she could wake up from at any moment. But this place she recognized as real, concrete proof of the world that she did in fact still inhabit, a world that had remained largely the same, while she had become someone entirely different by comparison. It was shocking and extremely disconcerting. Maura noticed the change in her demeanor, but waited until they reached their privacy to mention it.

"Jane, honey, what's wrong?" She wrapped her arms around the taller woman's waist.

Jane's face was contorted when she looked at Maura. "Huh? Oh, nothing."

Maura suppressed a knowing smile. "That's what you always say when something's bothering you. I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but I wish you would not lie to me, Jane. Or shut me out."

Jane looked at her and smiled a little. "Sorry, Maur. Sometimes I forget that when _you _ask that question, you actually want to hear the real answer."

"Well of course, why wouldn't I?" She shook her head in confusion, then frustration. "No, never mind. Please stop avoiding and tell me what's bothering you."

She sighed. "Honestly, Maura, I don't really know. It's just strange being back to somewhere familiar and... _feeling _unfamiliar to myself." She paused, thinking about what she'd just said. "Is that weird? It's weird. It doesn't make any sense, I know." She put her head in her hands.

Maura took a step to close the distance between them and slowly removed Jane's hands from her face, squeezing each one in her own. "It's not weird," she assured Jane softly, "And it does make sense. If you think you need some time alone to process things-"

"No!" Jane interrupted, "I don't think being alone will help. I may need to process things, yes, but I would prefer to do it with you right here."

Maura smiled brightly and planted a soft kiss on her lips, before pulling Jane into a tight embrace and holding her for several minutes. She closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm scared too."

There was a moment of silence before Jane whispered back, "I know."

The New York stop on the tour was by far the busiest. Maura had multiple appearances scheduled for each day, from the screening to daytime talk shows, late-night talk shows, press junkets, interviews, and everything in-between, to finish up with a Sunday morning radio show before their flight back to Los Angeles later that evening. The pace of work kept both women from having much time to worry about existential things, as they preferred to save what energy they had left at the end of each day for bedroom activities. On Saturday morning, Jane woke to find the bed empty and Maura's voice chattering from the other room. She listened intently, concluding that Maura must be on the phone. Craning her neck to hear better, she tried to catch what she could of the conversation.

"Thank you, James. I owe you one." A pause. "No, of course I haven't forgotten." Another pause. "Yes, Wednesday night should be fine. Now go back to sleep. Sorry for waking you."

Maura was all smiles when she hopped back on the bed next to Jane and leaned in for a kiss.

"What's got you all excited?" Jane asked.

"I have a surprise for you," she beamed.

"Is that what 'Wednesday night' is about?"

Maura's face fell and worry creased her brow. "No. Although that might come as a surprise to you as well." Her face twisted in uncertainty. "So, _two _surprises."

"Okay, now I'm confused."

"That's what you get for eavesdropping on my phone calls," Maura teased.

Jane tried her best to look offended. "I wasn't eavesdropping!"

Maura gave her a strange look. "Wednesday is a meeting with another actor. James, my agent, is setting us up on sort of... a date."

Jane's brow furrowed and it took her a beat to respond. "A date?"

"A _faux _date," Maura amended.

"Okay, now I'm really confused. What the hell is a _faux _date?"

Maura's gut was churning with anxiety. "Well this guy, this other actor, he's a bit younger than me, and not as established – he's what we call 'new talent' – and he needs a little extra publicity for his new movie that's coming out in a few months. So James thought it would be a good idea to set us up on a date."

"You're going on a date, with a man, on Wednesday?" Jane's eyes were wide with shock and she could feel irritation slipping into her tone. "I would say this comes a surprise to me, yes"

"It's not a _real _date, obviously. It's more of a... publicity stunt. He just needs a little bump in popularity to help ensure the success of his film, and since I'm nearing the end of my own publicity tour, I'm in the perfect position to assist him with that."

"And what do you get out of this... arrangement?"

Maura huffed slightly. "James says I need to show fans once in a while that I am – and I quote – 'not a cold-hearted bitch who is incapable of love'."

"Did he really say that?"

Maura nodded matter-of-factly. "He did."

"Where is this James? I'd like to show him a cold-hearted bitch-"

"Stop." Maura put up her hand. "It didn't come from him. Not originally, anyway. He'd read it somewhere, one of those social media internet forums or something... I don't know, but someone said it and it became a topic of discussion amongst some fans, and James says that's not the kind of publicity we want. He's always afraid that I'm going to be seen as a diva, and the fans will no longer be able to relate to me. That would mean the end of my career, Jane, and my career is all I've ever had. I don't know who I'd be or what I'd do without it."

"Come here," Jane said, pulling her in for a hug. "I can understand that. I used to feel the same way about being a homicide detective."

"So you got over it?" Maura pulled back to look her in the eyes, hopeful.

Jane gave her a tight smile. "Jury's still out on that one."

"So are you okay with this? The fake relationship thing?"

Jane sighed, contemplating. "Well I don't like it. But I'm not ready to be on the cover of _National Inquirer _as your lesbian lover either." She shook her head at the thought. "How long is this thing supposed to last?"

"The contract is for six months."

"There's a contract?" Jane was feeling entirely out of her depth.

"Of course. Mostly for confidentiality reasons. No one is supposed to know that it's all a ruse. But I haven't signed it yet, so there's still time to back out."

"Is this kind of thing, like... _normal _in Hollywood?"

Maura nodded. "It's quite commonplace, yes."

"And you don't have feelings for this guy, right?"

"No. Only for you, Jane," she replied with a smile. "Actually, Wednesday will be our first meeting. And if all goes well, we'll sign the contract then. Unless you don't want me to."

"No, I want you to do it. It's your career, and I don't ever want to get in the way of that. I don't ever want you to have a reason to resent me."

"I don't think I could ever resent you, Jane, but thank you. I thought you would understand."

"So what was the surprise that had you so excited earlier?" Jane asked, eager to change the subject.

Maura immediately brightened once again. "I talked James into making a few changes to the schedule, and managed to work in some off-time tomorrow."

"Oh, that's nice. Did you want to go see a show or something?"

"No, I thought you might want to visit Boston."

"Boston?" Jane jumped up, excited as a kid on Christmas. "Hell yeah I want to visit Boston! It's over four hours each way though, are you sure there's time?"

"Over four hours drive time. It's only about an hour flight. You can leave early Sunday morning, spend the day, then come back late that night or early Monday morning. And don't worry, I'll pay for your flight."

"You- wait, you're not coming with me?" Jane's spirits fell about a hundred stories.

"Well, I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting myself into your parents' home..."

"Um, okay fine." Jane cleared her throat and put an official tone into her voice. "Maura Isles, you are officially and cordially invited to join me in visiting my family in Boston this Sunday. Please come." She smirked, looking at Maura hopefully. "There, is that good enough? Or would you prefer a written invitation? Because I'm sure I can arrange that, if necessary."

Maura laughed. "That won't be necessary, and I would love to meet your family. But only if you're sure."

"Oh, I'm sure. My mother has been dying to meet you and my brother Frankie- oh, he's gonna be so jealous!" She sighed. "But maybe we shouldn't tell them__everything __just yet. Mostly because there seem to be a lot things that should be kept private for right now, and Angela Rizzoli does not understand the meaning of another person's privacy."

Maura nodded. "Understood. But you know I cannot lie, right?"

"Oh yes, there is that." Jane pondered the potential complications for a moment, then grinned. "You know what, don't worry. Just leave all the lying to me. I'm basically a professional."


	11. My Boston

Jane squirmed restlessly under the shared blanket in her first-class seat. The truth was, she hadn't thought it all the way through when she'd invited Maura to visit the Rizzoli home with her. Not that she didn't want her there. She wanted Maura with her all the time, and especially wanted her to meet the other most important people in her life. But she had to admit that Maura made her feel different, and that she had changed quite a bit since they'd been together. It was a good change, of course, but she wasn't quite the same person she'd been when she'd left Boston, and she wondered if her family would even recognize her, if there would still be a place there for this new Jane. _Maura's Jane._

And Maura. She looked over at Maura, sitting perfectly still with eyes closed, the picture of peace, and she envied her ability to quiet her mind with meditation. Maura was different than the Rizzolis. She came from a different kind of people, she had lived a very different kind of life. No Isles had ever worried about how to pay an overdue utility bill, or how to stretch a week worth's of groceries into two. And it would take every Rizzoli combined, even ones she hadn't met, to match half the stamps in Maura's passport. The worlds in which they had grown up and built their lives could not have been more different. It suddenly seemed strange, the idea of a diamond like Maura in her rough old North End Boston neighborhood. She wasn't so sure anymore that this trip was such a good idea. But it was too late to turn back now. She sighed heavily.

"What's the matter?" Maura asked quietly, eyes still closed.

"I thought you were meditating."

"I was." She opened her eyes to peer at Jane. "And you were worrying."

Jane looked back at her and smiled. "I kind of love that you can do that."

Maura's brow wrinkled. "Do what?"

"You always seem to know when something's bothering me. Even when I don't tell you."

"You never tell me."

"But you always know."

"Are you going to tell me what it is or are you going to make me guess? Because you know how I despise guessing."

Jane shrugged. "Just nerves, I think."

"About what? I thought you'd be excited to see your family?"

"I am, I just... I don't know. I guess I'm still feeling weird. I hope my family doesn't think I've... changed too much."

"We all change, Jane. We're changing all the time. It's to be expected. I'm sure they've changed some as well."

"But not like me," she whispered.

"No, probably not like you." She smiled as Jane looked at her, confused. "You've been through a major life experience; you sold your condo to move across the country, away from friends and family and everything you've ever known, changed careers, traveled Europe... and you fell in love. These things change a person. But it's for the better, don't you think?"

Jane smiled, took the hand that was resting on Maura's arm, and laced their fingers together under the blanket. "Definitely better." She looked down at her lap. "It's just going to take some time for me to get used to it, I guess." She looked back up at Maura. "Thank you."

"For what, Jane?"

"For being here. For coming with me. For keeping me sane."

"I didn't realize I was responsible for your sanity," she quipped.

Jane laughed. "No, I suppose that's too tall an order for anybody."

When they arrived at her parent's home, Jane parked the rental car and turned off the engine. Maura watched her as she hesitated, staring ahead, eyes slightly glazed. She reached a hand to Jane's shoulder, a silent reassurance. Jane took a deep breath and looked at Maura.

"You ready?"

Maura smiled and nodded. But before they could even get out of the car, a very excited Angela Rizzoli came running across the lawn, arms outstretched. Jane got out quickly and hugged her mother, a surprisingly warm, tight hug that she'd forgotten how much she missed. Her worries began to dissipate almost immediately.

"Oh Janie! I missed you so much! I'm so glad you're here!" Angela pulled back to look at her daughter. "You look... amazing! Wow!"

"Thanks, Ma. You look good, too." She turned to Maura. "Ma, this is Maur-"

"Maura Isles!" Angela's eyes widened at the sight of Maura exiting on the passenger's side and she audibly gasped. "In my driveway!" She rushed over to her.

"Good morning, Mrs. Rizzoli," Maura greeted with a polite smile, extending her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Instead of shaking her hand, Angela pulled Maura into a warm hug. "Please, call me Angela! And thank you for bringing my Janie home to me! Even if it's only for the day. I'm so very grateful!"

Angela didn't know which was more exciting, her daughter visiting or meeting a movie star. She led them both into her kitchen, where she had already been busy preparing food, and started yapping about one thing, then another. Jane and Maura simply communicated through glances while they half-listened to Angela's latest gossip.

"What about you, Jane? Tell me about Europe!"

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "Europe?" To her, Europe was Maura. It was the taste of Maura's lips and the softness of her skin. It was the curve of her bare hip and discovering how their bodies fit together so perfectly. But somehow she imagined that wasn't what her mother wanted to hear. "Europe was good. It was, uh... busy. We stayed busy. Lots of hotel rooms. I told you already," she said, shifting the focus away from herself.

"Did you at least get to have any fun?"

Jane tried not to smirk, but failed. She turned her head away from her mother and toward Maura, sharing a look. "Oh sure. Lots of fun."

Maura decided to cut in and steer the conversation slightly. "I told Jane we would visit again sometime when we're not working, so I can really show her the sights."

"I bet you've traveled a lot, Maura" Angela mused. "Doing movies and talk shows and everything."

"Oh, yes. Though it's not quite as exciting as it sounds, I'm afraid. We generally keep a very tight schedule when we're working."

"Yeah, Maura had to pull a lot of strings just for us to be able to come here today."

Angela gave Maura a huge smile. "Thank you again. It means so much to me to have my Janie here!"

"Well, don't get used to it, Ma. You know we have to catch a plane back to L.A. tonight."

"Why do you have to go so soon? Can't you just stay another day?" Angela groaned.

"Ma, we talked about this..." Jane warned.

"I'm sorry, Angela," Maura said apologetically. "I have several upcoming promotional engagements that I am obligated by contract to attend, starting as early as tomorrow. This was something of a last minute trip."

Angela tilted her head. "It's okay, Maura, I understand. I'm just so happy you all came! We're going to have a real Rizzoli family dinner, with my favorite daughter and our very special guest!" Angela was obviously overjoyed.

"Easy, Ma. Your _only_ daughter and _my_ very special guest are going to take a drive."

"But you just got here!"

"I know, but I want to show Maura around Boston a little. We'll just be gone a couple hours, I promise."

"Alright. Have you two eaten?"

They shook their heads.

"Let me pack you a little lunch."

While Jane helped her mother gather food for a picnic lunch, Maura excused herself to the restroom. As she walked down the hallway, she couldn't help but admire the pictures on the walls. Not art, but family photographs. A picture of the whole family, Jane and her brothers, looking to be in their early twenties, smiling on a beach somewhere. A preteen Jane in a softball uniform. Angela in a hospital gown, holding a newborn. Maura smiled to herself. She liked the Rizzoli home. It wasn't large and elegant like hers, but it possessed a warmth and a charm that far outweighed her expensive decor. This was not a house, but a home. It was the kind of home where you watch a baby take its first steps. Where kids play basketball and open presents on Christmas morning. Where you make a family. A small ache bloomed in her chest and she smiled wistfully.

"You ready to go?" Jane called out, poking her head around the corner.

Maura's head jerked in her direction. "Almost."

"So where are we going?" Maura asked excitedly as they pulled out of the driveway. "I read an article recently in Time Magazine in which they compiled a list of popular Boston destinations, such as the Paul Revere House, the Museum of-"

"Nope," Jane interrupted. "We're not tourists. This is my hometown and I'm going to show you _my_ Boston. You've already been to stop number one: the Rizzoli house. I thought next we could go ahead and have our picnic at the public garden, then maybe take a stroll around the Common. What do you think?"

Maura smiled. "That sounds perfect." She looked down at her casual clothes, her best option for disguise, and bit her lip. "I hope no one recognizes me."

Jane stopped at a stop sign and took the opportunity to look Maura over. She took the baseball cap off her own head and placed it on Maura's, stopping only to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, and adjusted it so that it partially hid her face. "There you go," she said with a wink, "now you're totally incognito."

Maura leaned over and tilted her head to plant a chaste kiss on Jane's lips. "Thank you."

Jane pressed on the gas and they started moving again. "You know, it kind of sucks that you have to hide with me all the time."

Maura frowned. "I know."

"I didn't think it would bother me, but... I dunno, it kinda does."

Maura paused, trying to find the most appropriate response. "Jane, I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable."

"No Maura, it's not your fault. I get it. I just..." she sighed. "I just don't like it."

"Me either," Maura admitted. "I don't want to have to hide my face to have a picnic in the park with you. I want to be able to walk down the street and hold your hand. I want to put my head on your shoulder and kiss you when I feel like it, and not have to worry about who might see." She looked down at her lap. "But I can't. James says that coming out publicly as being in a lesbian relationship would most likely end my career-"

Jane's eyes grew wide and her voice raised four octaves. "You talked to James about us?"

"Not exactly..."

"_What_ exactly?"

"I asked him _hypothetically_ what his thoughts were on the idea of me being in a relationship with a woman. That's all."

"And when did you two have this little discussion?"

"After Paris."

"Paris?" The steamy recognition hit her immediately. "Ohh, _Paris_. And where was I?"

"Talking to your mother, I believe. Why?"

Jane sat in silence for a moment, pondering. "I don't know, for some reason I don't like the idea of him knowing about us. I don't really like the guy."

"You don't even know him," Maura countered, mildly amused.

"That too. You know, being with you is pretty damn exciting, and I can't tell _anyone_." She shrugged. "So I guess maybe I was also going to be jealous if you got to share with someone and I didn't. I mean, who wouldn't want to brag that she gets to have sex with Maura-freaking-Isles?" Jane winked at her.

"Well, if you want to tell someone – someone you can really trust – then I think that would be okay. Just as long as that person can remain very discreet."

Jane smiled, suddenly thrilled by the idea. "Okay. How about two people?"

Maura laughed. "I trust your judgment."

"Good. We're here."

They carried their things from the car and found a quiet area near the trees, which Maura could face without being recognized, and settled down for their picnic lunch. It was a little early, but their bodies were not attuned to the time zone anyway, so it didn't matter much. Angela had made them salami sandwiches and insalata caprese, with a cannoli each for dessert. While they ate, Maura listened, fascinated, as Jane recounted childhood memories that took place in the park, and nearby. She cherished these morsels of knowledge about the woman she loved, storing them in her memory for safe keeping. After they finished eating, they went for a stroll. Jane continued sharing her memories as they streamed blissfully through her mind.

"You miss it, don't you?" Maura asked when Jane finally paused.

She nodded contemplatively. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Do you consider moving back?"

Jane sighed. "I grew up here. I made a life here. It was a good life... before it all went bad. But now I have a wonderful life with you." She grabbed her hand for just a moment, to get her attention, squeezed it and looked her right in the eye before releasing it. "I want to be wherever you are."

Maura smiled, then grunted in frustration. At Jane's amused look, she sighed and whispered, "I really want to kiss you right now."

"Your rules," Jane teased.

Maura took a moment to consider this. "Would you be ready to come out, as a couple, if it weren't for my career?"

Jane cleared her throat. "I wouldn't know you if it weren't for your career."

"You know what I mean. If I said I wanted to come out publicly, as your lover, would you be ready for that? Hypothetically, of course."

"In this hypothetical world, are you still famous?"

Maura considered again. "Probably not for long after the announcement. But initially, yes."

"This hypothetical world sounds familiar," Jane teased again, attempting to use sarcasm to hide her discomfort. She thought hard, then shook her head. "No, I don't think I'd be ready for that. I don't even know if I would be ready to tell my family yet, much less the whole world. So I guess I'm kind of grateful for our situation, in a way? I don't know, it's so confusing. It would be a lot easier if you weren't famous," she deflected again.

"But then you wouldn't know me," Maura reminded her playfully.

When they finished their walk and left the park, Jane couldn't resist stopping by the precinct to surprise her old partners. As soon as she walked through the door, she was greeted heartily by the officer at the front desk, and nearly every other cop that walked by. Maura watched from a slight distance, silently in awe as Jane was treated like the celebrity for once. It was nice to see Jane so in her element.

"Korsak! Frost!" Jane shouted, throwing up her hand from the center of the small crowd that had gathered around her by the door.

"Jane!" Korsak yelled back, elbowing Frost as they walked. "Told you!"

Jane pushed through to hug them both as the others said their quick goodbyes and went their separate ways.

"It's so good to see you guys!"

"You too, world traveler," Barry replied with a smirk. "When did you get here? I didn't even know you were coming."

"Neither did we, until just a couple days ago," Jane answered, pulling Maura to her side. "Vince Korsak, Barry Frost, meet Maura Isles."

Maura smiled and stepped forward to shake their hands. "It's a pleasure to meet you both. I have heard quite a bit about you."

"Mostly good, I hope." Vince grinned and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "You know, you're even prettier in person."

"Alright," Jane cut in, smirking at Maura. "Don't give her a big head. So you guys got plans tonight?"

"Dinner at your mom's," Frost answered cheekily.

"What? She already invited you?"

"She always invites us to Sunday dinner," Korsak told her. "Every week since you moved. We make it when we can."

Jane smiled, warmed by the gesture. "I'm glad. You're both gonna make it tonight, right?"

Barry was earnest in his reply. "If you're gonna be there, we wouldn't miss it, Jane."

After driving around town a while longer to show Maura her favorite places, Jane took them back to help Angela prepare the large meal. That pretty much meant doing exactly what Angela told them to do, listening to her stories, and answering her random questions. She was curious about Maura's house, and what it's like to work on a film set, and what celebrities she knows. She wanted to know what Jane's favorite city in Europe was, but didn't get any details at all on why she chose Paris.

"Hey Janie!" Frankie's voice boomed from the front door.

"Frankie!" Jane ran to the front door to greet her little brother, hugging him immediately, then moving on to her father right behind him. "Hey Pop! Oh I missed you both so much!"

"And who's this?" Frankie asked with poorly feigned innocence, looking right at Maura, who had followed Jane at Angela's insistence.

"This is Maura. Maura, this is my dad, Frank Sr. And this here is my brother Frankie."

Maura flashed her movie star smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you both."

"Oh the pleasure," Frankie started, trying to be smooth but failing miserably, "is all mine."

"Oh dear God," Jane laughed under her breath.

"Easy Frankie, this one's way outta your league. It's nice to meet you, Maura," their father greeted politely enough, though with little interest. He looked to Jane. "Is the game on?"

"No, but dinner's almost ready. Frankie, you heard from Frost or Korsak?"

"Yeah, they're on their way. Need any help settin' the table?"

Everyone started moving around, grabbing food and plates and silverware, pouring sauces into fine dishes, transferring things to the table. It was controlled chaos. _Kind of like a film set_, Maura mused. She liked how everyone pitched in to make a team effort, without being asked or told. _This must be what family is like_. She looked at Jane, who fit seamlessly into the mix, like she was exactly where she belonged, a fish in water. She looked happy and at home.

Frost and Korsak arrived just as the final plates were set on the table, and everyone sat down to eat. Family dinner with the Rizzolis was an experience unlike any that Maura could recall. It was loud and boisterous, and a little crazy, but also a lot of fun. They ate and told jokes and stories – lots of stories – many in an attempt to embarrass Jane in front of Maura. It was silly and comfortable, and Jane was so incredibly happy, it was infectious. By the time they finished eating, the wine and conversation left Maura feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time. These people had no expectations of her, they simply took her for who she was and accepted her as one of their own. She loved it.

Jane was surprised when Maura offered to help Angela in the kitchen, while insisting that she enjoy time with her father, brother, and old partners. As she and the guys wandered into the living room to watch the game, she took the opportunity to pull Korsak aside.

"You're good at keeping your mouth shut, right?" she asked, looking around suspiciously.

He eyed her strangely. "Of course. You know that. Why?"

"I got something I've been dying to tell somebody and I can't tell my mom because she's the Unofficial Boston News and I can't tell Frankie because _he'll_ tell my mom... you see where I'm going here?" He nodded for her to continue. She grinned, stood up a little taller, and pointed to the kitchen. "That woman in there, the gorgeous blonde movie star? We're kind of... a thing."

Korsak raised his eyebrows. "You and Maura Isles? Damn Rizzoli, I didn't even know you were into women and it turns out you're some kind of major stud or something!"

She laughed, amazed at how at ease she felt after she'd said the words out loud. "Not exactly. I've never dated a woman before, and neither has Maura, but we just... I don't know. I can't explain it. She's amazing."

"She's something special alright," he agreed.

"But the press can't find out. Her publicist or whatever is afraid it will mess up her career, and I can't have that on my head."

He waved his hand dismissively. "That's old Hollywood thinking. Things have changed. There's plenty of A-listers now who are out and proud."

"Well either way, I don't think I want to be pushed into the middle of that shitstorm. Paparazzi and all that." She took a long swig of her beer. "Plus what if it did ruin her career? I would be responsible for that and I can't do that to her. I care about her too much."

Vince smiled. "I could tell there was something different from the moment I saw you today at the precinct. You're happy, Jane. And it looks good on you."

Jane smiled back at him, feeling nothing but relief from his implied blessing. "Thanks, Vince. That means a lot. I'm gonna tell Frost too, but just the two of you, alright? No one else can know yet."

He nodded. "I'll go get him and send him over."

"Thanks," Jane said again, knowing Barry would be just as supportive.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Maura was trying to make herself as useful as possible, while not really knowing what she was doing. When it came to dinner parties, she'd always had plenty of hired staff to take care of the cooking and the cleaning.

"Tell me what I can do," she said simply, and Angela directed her to pulling out tupperware for storing leftovers. They stocked the fridge with containers for guests to take home later, and started on dishes together. It was only slightly awkward, both women yearning to get to know the other better, but not knowing where to start.

"So it seems that you and Jane have become pretty good friends, eh?" Angela finally asked.

Maura smiled, choosing her words carefully. "We have become quite close, yes."

"I was really surprised when she said she was going to be traveling with you overseas. Jane hates to fly."

"She did have some trouble at first, but I think she's gotten used to it some."

"She said you helped her with that." It sounded more like a question than a statement.

"I've helped her employ some relaxation techniques proven to combat anxiety."

"Oh." It clearly wasn't the answer she was looking for. Angela was digging for information. What information she was looking for however, Maura didn't quite know, but she remained suspicious. "So what made you ask her to come with you, anyway? She was originally supposed to stay in L.A. right?"

"Initially, yes. But after an incident outside a studio, I felt her instincts were superior to that of my current staff, and I asked if she wouldn't mind accompanying me." Maura almost got lost in her thoughts. "I feel safer with Jane there."

"So it was just the work thing, then? Not because you two were becoming friends?"

Maura looked over at Angela, who was already analyzing her face. "I had Jane essentially promoted on the first day I met her. We started becoming _close_ after that." The conversation was becoming uncomfortable for Maura, so she decided to cut to the chase, while keeping her tone as casual as possible. "Angela, is there something specific you want to ask me?"

Angela didn't expect Maura to be so forthright with her. It certainly wasn't something she was accustomed to. Her eyes locked on to Maura's, studying her even harder now. "Jane's acting different," she said simply.

Maura waited silently for her to elaborate.

"Well I thought maybe you would know why. Is she seeing somebody?"

Maura tried not to freeze solid on the spot. She started getting itchy. "Pardon?"

"Well you're her friend, and she never tells me anything, but she would tell you, right? If she was seeing someone?"

Maura thought for a moment. "We have previously discussed romantic relationships..."

"So is there a man in her life? Is that why she's acting so different?"

"I don't think it's a man..."

"Are you sure? Because she kinda seems like she's... I don't know, like maybe she's in love."

"I'm pretty sure there's no man in her life, Angela. I'm sorry to disappoint."

"Damn!" Angela sighed. "So what do you think it is?"

Maura thought carefully, trying to steer the conversation away from the minefield she was so dangerously treading. "Well, she seems happy, right?"

"Happier than I've seen her in a very long time," Angela commented.

Maura shrugged, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. "So then what does it matter?"

Angela seemed to process this idea for a while. "You know what? You're right! If she's happy, I'm happy, and the rest doesn't matter, does it?"

Maura smiled back at her.

"I'm just really glad she has you as a friend, Maura. Jane's never been that great at keeping friends, but she seems to trust you and that's pretty rare."

Tears threatened to reveal how touched Maura felt by Angela's statement. "I'm glad to have her too," she admitted.

"Jane said that when your tour is up, they'll assign her to someone else. Do you think you'll still be able to stay friends?"

"To be honest, we haven't discussed it. I've considered asking her to come work for me directly, instead of through the agency. That way she could stay on past the tour, but that would be entirely up to her. Either way, I can't imagine losing touch with Jane now that we have become... as close as we have."

Angela just smiled. "That's good to know. I'm sure you girls will work it out. What about you, Maura? Is there anyone special in your life?"

At that moment, Jane came walking around the corner just in time to catch her mother's question. "Ma, don't ask her personal questions like that!"

Angela looked offended. "We were having a conversation, Jane! If it bothers you, butt out!"

"It's not me I'm worried about Ma, it's Maura. And you're not Barbara Walters so stop interviewing our guest!"

Maura chuckled. "It's quite alright, Jane."

Jane looked at her and raised an eyebrow in question. Maura replied with a smirk that told her not to worry.

"To answer your question Angela, _yes_ there is someone _very_ special in my life right now. _But_," she added, "I'm not ready to talk about it just yet. I'm sure you understand."

"Of course," Angela replied quickly, then turned a smug eye to her daughter. "See Jane? Maura and I have an _understanding_."

"Oh you do, do you?" she countered playfully. "That's nice, Ma. Why don't you and your _understanding_ new friend come join us in the living room? We only have a couple more hours before we have to leave for the airport, and I'd really like to spend it all together."

"Of course, honey." Angela pulled both her daughter and Maura into a warm hug, sharing all the love they were afraid to admit to, and walked out together.

* * *

**A/N: My new favorite chapter! I hope y'all enjoyed it a lot, because things only start to get more difficult from here...**


	12. Separation Anxiety

**A/N: Mild sexytime ahead! (If that kind of stuff bothers you... honestly, why are you even here?)**

* * *

"Hey Rizzoli! You're good to go."

She looked at him, puzzled. "Excuse me?"

"You're off duty," he clarified. "I'm your relief."

Her eyes went wide. How did she not expect this? Los Angeles was different. This was not the road. This was home. She had to _go home_. To her empty little apartment, by herself. Maura's house was on twenty-four hour surveillance, with security staff working round-the-clock. These were Jane's co-workers, many hired on just for the tour like herself, and it was well-known that bedding the client was strictly forbidden. Not to mention the implications for Maura's career that were ever-present and now under the microscope of the always hungry L.A. paparazzi. Their privacy was gone. No more adjoining hotel rooms. _No more sleeping in the same bed?_

She looked at Maura, who also seemed to be processing a form of shock, though much more subtly, then back at the other guard whose name she could not recall. "Oh," was all she could manage to reply.

Maura recovered more quickly, turning her attention to Jane in a most courteous manner. "Thank you for traveling with me these last several weeks, Jane." While her eyes showed her distress, she kept her tone professional. "I trust I'll be seeing you again soon?"

Jane looked at her, clueless, and they both looked to Mr. Clean. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is I'm supposed to be here the rest of the week. Not sure about the next schedule. I'm personally pretty excited about it though." He smiled at them both, apparently excited enough for all three.

"Well," Maura turned to Jane, already feeling the first signs of what seemed to be some kind of separation anxiety, "I hope you enjoy your time off." She smiled politely.

Jane returned her tight smile. "Thank you. Have a lovely night. Both of you." She nodded to Mr. Clean before turning and walking away.

As soon as she pulled out of the driveway, Jane dialed Maura's cell. Maura stepped into her bedroom and closed the door before answering.

"How did we not see this coming?" Jane asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth.

"I don't know," Maura answered, equally dumbfounded. "I guess we just hadn't thought about it. What are we going to do, Jane?"

"I don't know! I can't stay at your place, that would be too obvious. You can't come here, without that goofy-looking Mr. Clean guy or – God forbid – _paparazzi_ tagging along. How are we going to work around this, Maura?"

"Again, I don't know yet, Jane. We'll figure something out, I just have to think."

"Ugh, this is going to suck! I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I want to be back in Europe!" Jane sighed heavily and banged her horn in frustration. "Fuck!"

"Jane, are you driving right now?"

Her reply was obviously frustrated. "Yeah, why?"

"Besides the fact that it's illegal to use a cellphone without a hands-free device while operating a motor vehicle in California, it's also extremely dangerous. Statistics have shown-"

"No statistics, Maura please. I get it, I'll call you when I get to my apartment."

"Okay. Please be careful. Driving emotionally impaired is nearly as dangerous as driving under the influence of alcohol."

Maura's worry was enough to earn a small chuckle from Jane. "I'll be careful, I promise. I love you."

"I love you too, Jane."

By the time Jane reached her apartment, fresh twelve pack in hand, she had calmed down considerably. Being physically separated from Maura was not actually going to kill her. It just came as a shock, that's all. Somehow they had become so consumed in the moment together, they hadn't even thought about what was going to happen when they got back to Los Angeles. She opened a cold beer and immediately downed half of it before sitting down on the couch and dialing Maura's number.

"Hey," came the actress' soft reply.

"Hey. You sound tired."

"I am," she answered quietly. "I wish you were here."

"Me too." Both were silent for several moments, thinking. Neither wanted to admit their frustration. "If I was there right now, what would we be doing?" Jane asked, aiming to lose herself in their shared imagination.

"You mean if we didn't have to sneak around?"

"Yeah. If we were just a normal couple."

"Well, I suppose you would be here with me, in my bed, holding me. Kissing me."

Jane sighed, imagining it. "Absolutely. Kissing you all over." It wasn't until after she said it that she realized how erotic it sounded.

Maura's voice came back sweeter than before. "Mmhmm. Wet kisses. On my neck, on my chest..."

"I'd take your shirt off so I could kiss your breasts..." Jane's arousal was speaking for her now, surprising her and Maura both.

"I love that. I love how your mouth feels around my nipples..."

"Your skin is so soft. So smooth. God, Maura..." Jane was nearly panting already.

"Jane, are you touching yourself?" The question was not at all teasing. More a combination of desperate and curious.

"No."

"Do it."

She swallowed the rest of her beer and set the bottle on the table before unbuttoning her pants and thrusting her hand inside. Her dripping arousal greeted her and a small moan escaped her lips. "I'm so wet."

"So am I, Jane. You should feel how wet I am for you."

"I want to Maura. So badly." Jane brought her fingers to her clit and started rubbing slow circles.

"Tell me what else you'd do to me." Maura's voice was thick.

Jane swallowed. "I would take my time, sucking your nipples, raking over them with my teeth. Then with my tongue..."

"Oh Jane..." Maura's breathing had audibly increased and the way she said Jane's name let her know exactly how turned on she was.

"I'd kiss my way down your stomach." Jane's hips twitched as she remembered the way Maura's muscles always flutter as her lips trail over her abdomen.

"I'm so wet for you, Jane. Please. I want you to touch me. I want you inside me..."

"Not so fast, gorgeous. I want to spread your legs first, slowly, and kiss the insides of your thighs..."

"Jane I'm so close..." She sounded desperate, which only added to Jane's pleasure. She was near the edge, too.

"Not yet."

Maura's frustrated groan carried across the distance.

"I kiss higher and higher, until I can see you and smell you and all I want to do is taste you..."

"I want you to taste me... Please..."

"I run my tongue slowly, all the way up, tasting all of you..."

"Yes..."

"Your clit..."

"It's so hard for you..."

"I run my tongue around it. Give it a gentle kiss..." Jane wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out. "Then I take my fingers..."

"Please, Jane..."

"And push them inside you, feeling you all around me..."

"Oh yes..."

"Thrusting in and out while you push your body into me. Come for me, Maura. I want you to come for me..."

"Yes Jane! Oh yes!"

As Maura cried out, Jane's orgasm shot through her like lightning, and she rode it to the soundtrack of Maura's voice. The line was quiet for a while afterward, both women just breathing and recovering.

"That was fun," Maura managed between breaths.

"I actually can't believe I just did that."

"Why? Seems to me like you needed it. I know I did. And it was enjoyable, wasn't it?"

"Hell yeah," Jane answered. "It's just not something I ever thought I would do. I guess I got carried away."

"I seem to have that effect on you, Jane."

Jane laughed. "Yes, you do."

"So you're off tomorrow?" Maura asked sadly.

"And Wednesday. And I'm still in negotiations for Thursday. Paul wants me benched for the rest of the week, _to rest._ I told Thomas I'd lose my mind with that much free time. He said he'll see what he can do."

Maura sighed. "We'll figure something out, Jane."

They talked on the phone until they were almost asleep, then spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in separate beds. It was not a restful night for either of them, and they were both feeling it in the morning.

Unfortunately for her, Maura had a full day of interviews scheduled, and she was stuck with Mr. Clean as her guard. He was actually a pretty decent guy, and Maura knew he must be good at his job to be Jane's temporary replacement, but his company could not compare to Jane's. And he liked to talk. A lot. Mostly about himself, which Maura did not find remotely interesting. It was exhausting. When she had a late-morning break, she excused herself to the restroom and called Jane.

"Hello?" Jane sounded groggy.

"Are you still in bed?"

A pause. "I would like to say no, but..."

Maura giggled. "I can't say I blame you, if you slept as well as I did."

"Probably worse. How's work going?"

"No fun at all. I miss you."

"Yeah, I'd rather be there than here, trust me."

"What are you doing today?"

"I have about a thousand emails to go through, I need to buy some food to go with the beer in my fridge, and I really have to clean this apartment. It's amazing how much dust accumulates when you're not even here."

"That's why I have a cleaning lady."

"Oh that reminds me, how is _Mr._ Clean?"

"Talkative. Boring. Not nearly as attractive as my regular guard..."

Jane chuckled. "How's your schedule today?"

"Tight. I'll try to call you when I can though."

"Okay. Maybe you should try to squeeze in a nap. I can survive one less phone call if you means you can get a little rest."

Maura smiled. "You're sweet. I might do that. Try to enjoy your day."

"You too, beautiful. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Maura was all smiles when she returned to her seat, waiting for a touch-up on her hair and makeup. Mr. Clean was chatting loudly behind her with someone she didn't recognize, and though she tried to ignore him, something he said caught her attention.

"Did you say you take the bus to my house?" Maura asked suddenly, turning in her chair to address him.

"Oh uh, y-yeah." He seemed surprised at her engagement in the conversation. "Well, I used to, until I got enough paychecks from this job for the down-payment on my car."

"I didn't know the public transit system extended into my neighborhood."

"Sure, it goes pretty much everywhere. I mean, I had to walk a lot sometimes. The stop is pretty far from your house. But if you can get past the smell, and you can avoid rush hour, it really ain't as bad as everybody says."

"Interesting," she said, wheels in her brain already turning.

Jane was halfway through the last item on her checklist when she felt her phone vibrate. Turning off the vacuum, she fished the phone out of her pocket and saw that it was Barry.

"Hey Frost, what's up?"

"Rizzoli, you got a minute?"

"For you? Always. What is it?"

"I know I'm not supposed to share information on an open case, but Korsak and I have been over this thing a hundred times and we could really use a fresh pair of eyes. Yours are the best. Think you could do it?"

"You kidding? You couldn't have called at a better time. Give me a minute to get my computer up and you can show me what you got."

The hours flew by as Frost and Korsak rehashed the details of the case with her over video chat. The three of them worked out theories together, analyzing details and fitting them together like puzzle pieces. It was just like old times, and to Jane it felt amazing. She didn't realize how much she missed the mental game that came with solving homicides.

"Good catch, Rizzoli!" Korsak commented. "We'll have to wait til morning to do the interview though. Want us to let you know how it goes?"

"Of course! Man, I forgot how much I love working a case."

"You sure haven't lost your touch, either," Frost added.

Jane cocked her head. "Did you think I had?" she asked sarcastically.

"Never!" he answered with a smile. "This was nice though. I've missed working with you, Jane."

"Same here," she told him earnestly.

"You know there's still a spot here for you," Korsak added.

"You guys are the best," she avoided with a smile. "And you owe me a beer for cracking your case!"

"We'll call you after the interview," Frost said. "Then we'll see about that beer."

"Alright, you guys go get some sleep. I'm still three hours behind you and I'm waiting on a call from Maura."

"Tell her we said hello," Korsak replied. "Goodnight, Jane."

"Night, guys."

Maura tried squinting through the dirty window, but she couldn't see a thing. It was too dark outside, and the lights from inside the bus forced her reflection to stare back at her. The hoodie she wore was two sizes too big, and covered most of her face, which she kept pointed downward as she let her body fall into a forward slouch. From a distance, she could easily be mistaken for your average sullen teen or young adult. Looking down at her phone, she decided she'd have to trust that the little GPS dot was accurate enough for her to find her stop. She didn't want to be on this bus any longer than she had to. It smelled like urine and body odor, and she wondered how anyone could actually 'get used to it' like Mr. Clean had said. He also hadn't mentioned the unusually high percentage of intoxicated riders. She should have just called Jane to pick her up at the transit station, where she changed buses. Or better yet, around the block from her house. The element of surprise didn't seem worth it anymore. She'd just wanted to do something nice for Jane, a gesture of how much she cared, but this was a terrible idea. At this point though, she had come too far to turn back.

Wasn't the driver supposed to be calling out the stops? He seemed to be daydreaming instead. She looked down at her phone. This seemed like the right place. She reached up and pulled the cord to signal the driver to stop at the next stop. Jane's apartment was only a few blocks from there.

Jane was flipping mindlessly through the channels on her small television when she heard the buzzer.

"What the hell?" She didn't know anyone in Los Angeles outside of work, so who would be coming to visit her in the middle of the night?

It buzzed again, more impatient this time, and she got up to answer it. She pressed the little button and spoke into the box. "Um, I think you have the wrong apartment."

The voice that came back, despite the garbled crackling of the crappy speaker, was unmistakable. "It's me Jane, let me up!"

"Maura?" She was in disbelief. "How?" Finally coming to her senses, Jane flew out of her front door and downstairs to the main door, flinging it open to reveal a very odd-looking, slightly disheveled Maura. She quickly pulled her inside, guiding her up the stairs while she tried desperately to form complete sentences. "What the hell are you do- How did you even- What the-"

"I realized that I actually _can_ sneak out of my own house. Imagine that," she replied, wagging her eyebrows. "Sneaking back in later, however... well, I decided to worry about that later."

"It unsettles me to know that your security is so easily breached." Jane led her into the apartment and they sat down on the couch.

"Oh, I didn't say it was easy."

"How did you even get here?"

"Uh, let's see... a quiet and very well-timed exit, a six block walk to the bus stop, then a bus transfer, followed by a short walk and another transfer, then finally I got off two blocks from here and walked to your building, and now here I am." She smiled bashfully. "I wanted to surprise you."

"So let me get this straight. You snuck out of your mansion, past a staff of trained security guards, took three nasty, disgusting city buses, and walked at least eight blocks, in Los Angeles, at night, _by yourself_, just to come surprise me at my door?" Jane was incredulous. What Maura had put herself through _for her_ was no small feat. She didn't know if she should be elated or terrified.

Maura nodded. "That all sounds correct, yes. And now that I think about it, maybe a little silly."

"Silly? Maybe. I was thinking _dangerous._ But also, incredibly sweet. And still dangerous. Either way, I'm willing to overlook it since you're safe here with me now. We will discuss this more in detail later. But right now..." Jane smiled, pulling Maura to her and began kissing her, thinking she may never stop.


	13. Proposition Me

Both women woke early to the alarm, a quiet sun just beginning to rise in the sky. They lie intertwined together on Jane's bed, not yet ready to break their bubble of bliss to face the world.

"I want to ask you something," Maura said quietly, her head resting on Jane's chest.

Jane tried to catch a glimpse of her face. "You can ask me anything," came her sweet reply.

"It's not a question, really. More of a... proposition." Maura shifted her position to face Jane, growing serious.

"Okay, _proposition_ me then," Jane quipped with a half-smile and raised eyebrow, still wondering where this was leading.

Maura intentionally ignored the implication in her joke. "I would like to offer you the opportunity to come work for me directly."

Jane furrowed her brow. "Can I do that? Can _you_ do that?"

Maura shrugged, as if permission was something she gave no notice to. "We can do whatever we'd like. Well, Paul wouldn't like me essentially poaching you, but I'm a pretty good client of his otherwise and I'll find a way to make it up to him. If you say yes, of course. And don't worry about the money. Whatever he's paying you, I can offer you the same or better. Benefits, too. But please don't feel pressured. It's your choice."

Jane was silent for a long moment, considering. "I don't know, Maura. I mean, I can see where it would have its advantages, of course, but... being your _employee_, on your _payroll_... and in your _bed_... Don't you think that makes it a little... I dunno, _weird_?"

Maura had sensed this might be a concern with Jane and her pride, so she was prepared to push just a little. "Your job would essentially remain the same. It's really not so different from how things are now."

"Yes, except that right now the studio pays the security company, who then pays me. What you're suggesting is you writing me a check every week just to have me around. You get how that sounds, right?"

"No, it's not 'just to have you around'. I expect you to _protect me_, of course," she told Jane with a smirk. "And I don't actually write the checks, I only sign them. Also, I pay every _two_ weeks."

Jane chewed her lip indecisively. "Is it okay if I think about it?"

"Of course." Maura reassured her with a smile and planted a chaste kiss to her lips. Then her expression changed to one of worry. "But first, can you help me think of a way to sneak back into my house without the guards noticing?"

Jane laughed and sat up. "Just walk in there like you own the place – which I feel it's necessary at this point to remind you that _you do_! And I guarantee you nobody's going to say anything because they don't want to admit that they didn't know where you were, much less that you were even gone at all. It looks bad on them, not on you."

Maura considered this briefly as they both started to get up and dress for the ride to Beverly Hills. "You're right. That would be the easiest option as well." She smiled in amusement. "Besides, it might be rather humorous to see their faces when they realize I pulled one under them."

"Pulled one _over on_ them," Jane corrected with a chuckle. "What time do you finish up today?"

Maura tried to be nonchalant. "I have that dinner tonight, remember?"

"Dinner?" When the recognition hit her, it made Jane's stomach turn a little. "Oh, the _date thing_."

"Yeah, the _date thing_." Maura was hoping the conversation would end itself, because it was the last thing she wanted to talk about in her rare alone time with Jane.

"So, how exactly is that supposed to work?" Jane asked, genuinely curious.

"What do you mean?"

"How are you going to pretend to be in a relationship with this guy when you can't lie without hives or unconsciousness?"

Maura chuckled. "It's not like we intend to hold a press conference with a formal announcement, or anything like that. That's not how it works. Think about it- how often do you hear celebrities publicly discuss new relationships directly with the media?"

Jane did consider it. "Pretty much never," she admitted. "But then again I don't really follow that kind of stuff."

"All we have to do is show up places together – restaurants, clubs, events – and act like a couple. Someone, probably someone in James' office, will tip off the paparazzi, they'll take photographs, and people will make of it what they will. They'll probably even throw in some vaguely cited "sources close to the couple say" quotes. The press does all the work, really."

"The whole thing sounds pretty stupid to me," Jane commented, feeling as childish as she sounded.

Maura sighed. "It is," she agreed earnestly, looking at Jane. "I can still back out, you know."

Now it was Jane's turn to sigh. "Don't back out. I'm supposed to protect you, and I guess protecting your career kind of goes along with that. You do what you have to do, and I won't stand in your way."

"I want to protect you too, Jane. And if this is going to hurt you, I will absolutely say no."

Jane gave her best attempt at a smile. "I'm tougher than that."

After some quality one-on-one time, Maura had Jane stop for coffee and drop her off just around the corner from her house. They kissed goodbye in the car and she walked the two blocks with her head held high, punching in the security codes she knew by heart. The guards nearly fell out of their seats when she waltzed by, coffee in hand, with a small wave and a cocky grin. She went straight to her room and closed the door, immediately dialing James' cell.

"I think we should cancel the dinner date tonight," she told him. Even though Jane had said she was fine with it, Maura felt it wiser to back out.

"And by cancel, you mean postpone?"

"No, I'd really like to cancel. I no longer feel comfortable with the situation."

"This is pretty last-minute, Maura. You're gonna need to give me more than that."

"Excuse me," she started, getting defensive, "but the only document I have signed, and therefore the only agreement I am bound to, is to not disclose the identity of the individual, which I am not yet even aware of, nor the nature of the meeting-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Maura, slow down! You're acting a little strange- even for you. Let's just talk for a minute, okay? Can we do that?"

She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Okay."

"We've been discussing this for months, right?"

"Yes, but circumstances have changed for me."

"Maybe they have, and I'm not going to ask for details, but as far as your career is concerned, _that _hasn't changed. You still have an image to protect. This agreement is a vital step in protecting that image. You do understand that?"

"Well, maybe I don't care very much about that image anymore."

"Then you're in the wrong profession, Maura." His words were not mean or condescending, they were simply reasoning, almost hypnotic. "Come on, you've been around long enough to know how things work. If you want to remain in this industry, doing what you _love_, what you're _good at_, then this is just a small price you have to pay. You do love what you do, don't you?"

"Yes." Maura sat down on the edge of the bed. "I always have."

"And this industry, this career- you know it like the back of your hand, and it's never let you down, has it?"

"No."

"And it _won't _let you down. Not as long as you hold up your end. You've spent a lot of years learning that, haven't you? The people in your life, they come and go, but this has been the one and only constant, has it not?"

"Yes." Her voice was smaller now.

"And there's no doubt you're good at it. Do you know how many people, young women especially, are so inspired by you and what you do, that you make a real difference in their lives? People you don't even know draw joy and inspiration from your work. You give them _hope_. Isn't that what you want?"

She looked down at her lap. "Of course. That's what I've always wanted."

"And you don't want to take that hope away from them, do you?"

"No, of course not."

"Then don't cancel tonight. Please. Pay this small price, so you can continue to do what you do so well."

Maura sighed. "Fine," she finally agreed, remembering what Jane had said earlier. "I'll do what I have to do."

When she got back to her apartment after dropping off Maura, Jane cleaned her apartment some more, until every nook and cranny was spotless, but it didn't clear the anxiety from her mind, so she decided to go for a run. When that didn't help, she hit the gym for a good workout, followed by a nice long shower. She still hadn't heard from Thomas on whether or not she could return to work this week, nor had Frost called her with the results of that interview. Maura was likely busy with work and unable to get a quiet moment alone. Jane needed to do something to still her mind. Deciding to go straight to the source, she dialed Paul's office, and Cindy the receptionist put her right through.

"Hey Rizzoli, what's this I hear about not wanting to take your vacation? You know you're still getting paid, right?"

"I don't care about the money, I just want to work. I'm going crazy here."

"Why don't you get yourself a hobby? I hear that Frisbee golf is a thing now-"

"I don't want to play Frisbee or golf or any combination of the two, I just want to work."

"You need time off, to rest and recharge. I can't have you working exhausted. It isn't safe. I want you to take the rest of the week off, and late next week you'll start your new assignment."

The last thing she needed was this man telling her what she needed and- "Wait, what? New assignment?"

"Yeah, I told you you were only on with Isles for the tour. That will be wrapping up by the time you're off your rest period, so I'm placing you elsewhere. Not sure yet where, but-"

"Maura offered me a job," she blurted out.

He was silent for a moment. "Better pay?"

"It's not about the pay. I like working for her and she likes having me around."

"You make me wonder if the rumors are true."

An alarm went off in Jane's head. "Rumors?"

"About you and Maura Isles."

She paused, noticing that he seemed more amused than angry. Still, she sure as hell wasn't going to tell him anything. "I haven't heard any rumors."

He laughed. Definitely amused. "I would sit here and torture you like this all day if I didn't have a meeting in five minutes. Are you asking to be let out of your contract?"

"I... I don't know. I guess maybe I am."

He sighed. "You know, I don't normally take kindly to clients stealing my guards, nor to my guards jumping ship. But because it's you, Rizzoli, and because we go way back- and because in this case, _I totally get it_\- I'll let it slide."

Jane smiled. "Wow. Thanks, Paul. I really appreciate you being so cool about this."

"Yeah, well, you tell Maura that she owes me a big fruit basket. No, make it a wine basket. Expensive wine. With cheese. Not joking. I gotta go. Good luck, Jane. I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you around," she said into the phone, although he'd already disconnected the call. "That was a lot easier than I thought." She sent Maura a carefully worded text, in case anyone should intercept it.

_I have put much thought into it, and I would like to accept your employment offer. Please contact me to discuss the details._

After a few minutes with no reply, she decided Maura was likely busy and moved on to her next order of business. She was on a roll, best to keep it going. She dialed her old partner.

"Frost," he answered on the first ring.

"Hey, you interview the suspect yet?"

"Rock solid alibi."

"Damn! Are you sure?"

"Checked it out myself. He did give us another lead though. Korsak and I are headed downtown to check it out, then we'll Skype you with the new info. Will you be around?"

"Absolutely. Let me know."

"You got it!"

She ended the call and sighed, looking around her spotless, empty apartment. "Now what?" she wondered aloud. _Maybe I should get a hobby_. Instead, she ordered Chinese, turned on the sports channel, and popped open a beer, settling herself on the couch for a little distraction.

Jane was grateful when Frost's video call came through. She turned all of her attention to the case, once again combing the evidence for hidden pieces to their puzzle. And once again, she fell into that familiar groove, the one that she fit into so perfectly, as they worked through the details of their next and most promising theory. The rush of police work was like a drug to her, ironic as that may seem, and there was no doubt she missed the feeling it gave her. She had lost it once, that feeling. After Hoyt, the feeling was gone- it was why she'd left the department in the first place. But it was coming back now, renewed and even sharper than before.

She was just debating sharing this feeling with her old partners when her phone rang, flashing Maura's number. "Hey guys, that's Maura."

"Ooooh!" they mocked her in unison.

"Shut up! Isn't it past your bedtimes anyway, both of you? Call me tomorrow and let me know how this interview goes. I'm still gonna earn that beer."

They said their quick goodbyes as Jane accepted the call, her voice softening as she spoke into the phone. "Hey."

"So you're accepting my job offer?" Maura asked, clearly excited.

"Yeah, well, Paul tried to pull me off your service, and I kind of panicked, but he was pretty okay with it, actually..." Jane realized she was starting to ramble. The whole situation still made her a bit uncomfortable. "He did say you owe him a wine basket though."

"Oh? Did he specify what kind?"

"Expensive."

"I meant whites or reds or-"

"He just said expensive. And something about cheese."

Maura chuckled. "I'll send him something special. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Yeah, sure. I love getting paid by people I'm sleeping with."

"Jane..."

"I'm fine, Maura. It will take some getting used to, but I'll be fine. Just please tell me I can come back to work tomorrow?"

"You can come back to work tomorrow."

"Yess! Thank you!"

"Of course!" she chuckled. "Look Jane, I only have a minute, I just wanted to hear your voice and say that I'm glad you decided to accept."

"Well, I'm glad you're glad." She decided against bringing up the date. It was too awkward. "I don't want to keep you. Call me when you get home?"

"Yes, I will. I love you," Maura said quietly.

"Love you too!"


	14. Hot Date

**A/N: Beware "M" content ahead!**

* * *

Maura wasn't ready for this. But she was eager to get it over with, so she followed the maître d' to a small corner table where a broad-shouldered gentleman, likely a few years younger than her, was already seated. He had a handsome face, perfectly symmetrical with well-defined cheekbones and a strong jaw, and he wore a bright but nervous smile. His hair was cropped short, which accentuated all of his features, and his Armani suit had been expertly tailored. He rose when he saw her approach.

"Miss Isles. It's a pleasure," he said, shaking her hand lightly. "Wiley Davis. Thank you so much for coming." He gestured to the chair the maître d' had pulled out for her, and waited for her to sit before he followed suit.

Maura nodded politely. She didn't really know where to begin. "This is a lovely restaurant. Did you select it?"

"Uh, no. James probably." He fidgeted in his chair. "Um, would you like some wine?"

"I'd love some, thank you." She smiled as he poured her a glass from the expensive bottle of cabernet that he'd already started. He seemed more anxious than she was.

"I saw your new movie," he told her, flashing a shy smile. "I've seen them all, actually. I'm kind of a big fan."

"Thank you! I don't believe I've seen yours yet. Why don't you tell me about it?"

Their conversation slowly turned from awkward to friendly, and they agreed that while the whole setup was a bit silly, they trusted James enough to do what he told them. Maura was happy to find that while Wiley was a fan, he was not actually romantically interested in her, which made things considerably easier. He was also a decent conversationalist, and was full of questions about Maura's career. He seemed to look up to her in a way, or admired her experience at the very least. They agreed on the terms of their arrangement, which had already been outlined for them, and physically signed on the dotted lines. James had an assistant discreetly pick up the contracts before dessert. They left the restaurant holding hands, as they had been instructed, and pretended to ignore the camera flashes outside the restaurant as they ducked into the back of Wiley's limousine together. Although it had already been a late dinner, James had insisted they take advantage of the time they were together and make a quick, and very public, nightclub visit. Their names were already on the list.

It had been a long time since Maura went out dancing. It was one of her favorite things, and she was quite good at it. The dance floor was too crowded, and the music was too loud, but the good wine and the fast beat had her just loose enough to really enjoy herself. Wiley wasn't a bad dancer either. He was even young and healthy enough to keep up with her, which was a rare find. They danced close, surely turning heads, with rumors likely to follow. After an hour or so of nonstop dancing, but before anyone could have the chance to chat them up, they made a mad dash for the car, running like teenagers and laughing all the way.

"People must think we're crazy!" Maura managed between labored breaths.

Wiley raised his eyebrows. "No, people probably think we couldn't wait to get out of there to tear each other's clothes off!"

"Oh." She scrunched her face. "You're probably right."

"Hey, that's a good thing! That's what we want them to think, right?"

"I suppose it is." She looked up at him seriously. "I think we played our roles well tonight, don't you?"

"Oscar-worthy performances!" he said with a wink.

Wiley's limo dropped Maura off at her house and they said their pleasant goodbyes. It was very late by the time she made it to the privacy of her bedroom, but she dialed Jane's number anyway.

Jane picked up on the final ring, her voice heavy with sleep. "Hello?"

"Hey," Maura whispered. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. I fell asleep on my couch." Jane yawned into the phone. "And so did my foot. Ow!"

"I should let you go to bed."

"No!" Jane was trying to sound alert. "I wanna hear about your hot date."

"What do you want to know?" Maura asked, surprised.

"Well who is the guy, first of all?"

"It's Wylie Davis."

"Is that the dude that looks like Channing Tatum?"

"There are some resemblances, yes."

"He is pretty hot, actually," Jane replied, and Maura couldn't tell whether or not it was sarcasm.

"He has a lovely bone structure, and he's well-muscularized," she agreed.

"Ugh. Whatever." Jane seemed to have lost interest. "So is he a total jerk, or what?"

"No, he's pretty nice, actually. We had dinner, signed the contracts, went to a club and danced, and then he brought me home."

"Busy night."

"James felt we should make the best use of our time together. It was fun, though. I hadn't been out dancing in a while."

"I want to take you dancing," Jane whined.

"I didn't know you liked to dance, Jane."

"I don't. But I would rather _me_ take you than _him_."

"Someday. Somehow," Maura sighed. She was too tired to think about it.

"So I guess you're not coming over tonight?" Jane asked.

"It's so late already. Why don't we both get some sleep tonight, and you can come over early to use the gym. Call me when you're on your way and I'll come down and work out with you."

Jane's sigh was audible through the phone. "Alright. It sucks sleeping without you though."

"I hate it too. But look on the bright side. You get to come back to work tomorrow, and we have the whole day together."

"The whole day _working_." Jane was being petulant.

"The whole day working _together_," Maura corrected.

"You're right. I'm going to bed so I can get up really super early and wake you up to come work out with me."

"I look forward to it," Maura said, smiling into the phone.

"Sweet dreams, beautiful."

"Sweet dreams."

* * *

The next morning, Maura awoke to the ringing of her phone. "Hello?"

"Good morning, gorgeous," Jane crooned.

"Jane!" Maura snapped to life. "Are you on your way over?"

"Yeah, my flabby gut told me I needed to hit the gym this morning."

"I'm not even going to dignify that terribly incorrect statement with a response," she said, her tone only slightly amused. "I am, however, going to need to brush my teeth and get dressed for working out. Meet you in the gym?"

"Whatever you say... _boss_!"

"Jane!"

"Kidding!" Jane laughed. "I'll see you in a few."

When she entered the empty workout room, Jane dropped her bag by the door and started rolling her shoulders and neck, trying to loosen up. With everything that had been going on lately, she was carrying around a lot of tension. She jumped rope for a few minutes to warm up, coating her body with a fine sheen of sweat. Then, after adding some weights to the bar, she lied down on the weight bench and pressed the bar high above her, repeating the action and grunting lightly with exertion, whispering numbers as she counted. She didn't notice Maura enter until she heard the door click shut, followed by the lock sliding into place. Maura turned to Jane and eyed her fully, taking in her swollen muscles, the sweat shining on her skin.

"Is this a show, or did you come here to work out too?" Jane asked sarcastically as she placed the bar back in its rest and leaned up on her elbows.

Maura smirked as she moved silently to the stereo and turned it on, a fast steady rhythm filling the room. The bass pounded as Maura cranked up the volume, loud. Jane had to yell over the sound to be heard.

"Really, Maura? Did you go deaf in the past twenty minutes or something? Why so loud?"

Maura's smirk only grew as she advanced toward Jane, pulling off her top in the process, her nipples poking beneath a the bright purple sports bra. Jane sat up straight on the bench, riveted by Maura's sudden predatory display. She sat down in front of Jane, straddling the bench to face her, and pressed her body against Jane's as she spoke seductively in her ear.

"Because you know I have a hard time being quiet."

Arousal flushed through Jane's body and she turned to capture Maura's lips with her own, reaching into her hair to pull her somehow closer. They kissed passionately, hands roaming each other's bodies, working hastily to remove tight clothing.

Naked, kissing, touching, their bodies flush, hips bucking toward one another, every nerve was coming alive, that sweet ache growing at both of their centers. Maura bit into Jane's neck, running her teeth and tongue over her pulse point and Jane threw her head back, groaning in exquisite pleasure. When Maura's mouth started to work its way toward her chest, Jane righted her head and took in the reflection she saw in the giant mirror in front of her: The muscles in Maura's back flexed with her movements, her ass moving slightly to the rhythm of their bodies. Jane pulled the elastic band from Maura's hair, releasing a waterfall of messy curls onto her well-toned back. Jane watched as her own hands kneaded at the other woman's flesh.

"Turn around," Jane said, her voice deep and raspy.

Maura looked at Jane briefly, confused but not unwilling, her body vibrating with intense arousal. Jane smirked and Maura turned to see the mirror, instantly connecting the dots, and smiled back at her lover.

"Yes," was all she could say as she quickly moved to face the opposite direction, pressing her back into the front of Jane's body, ass to core, and grabbed Jane's hands, pulling them around in front of her to place them on her wanting breasts. Both women watched their reflections intentently as Jane teased Maura's mounds, pinching, pulling and twisting her tight nipples between her fingers. Maura could feel Jane's center pushing forward from behind, seeking her out, Jane's body wrapped entirely around her, and the heat between her own legs grew. Jane's right hand moved lower, taking its time as it ghosted over Maura's abs and hips and, finally, to the place where she needed it most. Jane froze for a moment and stared at the sight before her, at the two of them together, at Maura, so perfect without any designer clothes or even makeup. Skin flushed, hair wild, mouth open, it was just Maura, hanging on the edge of desire, and she had never looked more beautiful.

"Jane…" It was a breathless plea, and Jane was eager to answer it. As soon as her hand touched Maura's clit, Maura threw her head back over Jane's shoulder and released a loud moan. "Oh, Jane!"

Jane rubbed in small circles, dipping toward Maura's entrance every few strokes, working her up as she watched, and loving every second of it. "Please," Maura begged, more than once, before Jane adjusted their positions slightly to slip two fingers inside Maura's dripping core. At that point, Maura lost what little control she had left, and Jane savored the sight and feel of her body writhing with every thrust, with every pass of her thumb over a hardened nub. Most of all, she relished the moment Maura fell over the edge, her orgasm washing over her, igniting every inch of her body with the sweetest fire.

The sight of her like that, the delicious sounds she was making, the feel of Maura's amazing body on hers, the friction of her round ass on Jane's throbbing center, all of this crashed into Jane and she came unexpectedly, calling out Maura's name as they chorused together.

After they'd both come back to earth, Jane removed her fingers from inside of Maura and interlaced both hands with hers, sharing the sticky wetness, and folded their arms together across Maura's chest, holding her tightly. They leaned their weight into each other.

"Well good morning to you too," Jane whispered into Maura's ear softly, leaving a soft kiss at her damp hairline.

Maura giggled. "Nice start to the day, don't you think?"

"Better than nice," Jane agreed. "So what's on the agenda today, boss?" She eyed Maura in the mirror with a playful smirk.

"Would you please stop calling me that?"

"Is that an order, boss?"

Maura gave her a look. "You're impossible."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Jane and Maura spent a lot of time sneaking around together, making up lame excuses for Jane to stay over, and for the two of them to be alone. There were still a number of public appearances to be made, though the pace had slowed considerably, but also there was the addition of Maura's required attendance to several of Wylie's press events, fancy dinner parties, etc. As the routine continued, Jane began to feel more and more out of place in this awkward situation. She still didn't entirely understand the need for Maura to go through with the whole charade, and she was growing tired of watching her girlfriend play arm-candy to this goof. Although he was, admittedly, not all that bad. He didn't make passes at Maura, nor crack rude jokes in front of her, or anything like that. He genuinely treated her with respect. Still, Jane couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of jealousy when he pulled Maura close to him in front of the cameras.

And those pictures! Jane couldn't buy a box of cereal at the grocery store without seeing those damn pictures of Maura and Wylie littering the newsstands, their smiling faces, names in bold print with extremely unclever puns about their relationship:

_**Royal Amour: Queen of the Dead and King of the Box Office!**_

_**Wylie Davis and Maura Isles Spotted Together at LA's Trendiest Hot Spots!**_

'_**Isles' of Love? Maura Claims the Heart of Hollywood's Newest Hottie!**_

It all seemed to spill over one day when the false couple granted the shouting crowd's request for a kiss. It was chaste and passionless and purely for the crowd, but it still hit Jane like a sucker-punch to the gut. And her discontent only grew as she waited to express it until they reached the safety of Maura's room.

"Really, Maura? Was that really necessary?" Jane blurted as soon as they'd closed the door behind them.

"What?" Maura asked, bewildered.

"Kissing him?! Did you really have to go there?!"

"Jane, it was hardly even a kiss. And it was all for the cameras, you know that."

"Is that supposed to make it okay?" she asked incredulously.

Maura sighed. "Look, I don't like it any more than you do, but you know this is my job."

"It's your job to kiss guys outside movie theaters?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is!" Maura answered, trying to keep her cool while beginning to feel defensive. "Outside movie theaters, on movie sets, sometimes in rehearsal... I'm an actress, Jane, it's what I do. If that little kiss upset you, how are you going to feel the next time I film a passionate love scene?"

Jane knew she was overreacting, but she couldn't shake this insecure feeling, and she couldn't stand it. Shaking her head, she sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed heavily.

Maura, sensing the fear in Jane's frustration, aimed to assuage it as best she could. She sat down next to her, placed a hand on her thigh, and spoke to her calmly. "I'm sorry if that kiss upset you. Surely you know it didn't mean anything?"

Rationally, Jane knew. "I know."

"And you also know that it could happen again," Maura reminded her. "I can avoid it with Wylie, but you know that when I'm on set, eventually it _will_ happen again, with somebody else."

This was something that had crossed Jane's mind before. Dating an actress meant sharing her with her work, much like dating a police detective, though with different consequences. She understood it, and she hadn't thought it would bother her. So why was she so upset?

"Maybe... maybe it's not the kiss itself," Jane reasoned aloud. "Maybe it's the fact that I can't do that. I can't kiss you openly like that. In front of people."

Maura raised her eyebrows. "Do you want to kiss me in front of people?"

"No! Well yes, but no, not like that. I just- ugh!" Jane huffed loudly and paused to gather her thoughts. "It almost seems like your relationship with _him_ is more real than your relationship with _me_. I could have dreamed the whole thing up, but he has proof." _Every homicide detective knows, it's all about what you can prove._

"Well, what if we came out?" Maura asked.

"Huh?" It was Jane's turn to be surprised. "No, you can't do that-"

"I don't mean entirely," Maura clarified. "But to people around us. At least to the rest of the staff. And to Wylie. People we both know. And anyone you trust."

"I've already told the only two people I trust. I don't see how that changes anything."

"Well, we wouldn't have to sneak around _here _anymore for one thing. You wouldn't have to make up excuses for coming over-"

"-And I could keep Wylie in check," Jane thought out loud, a smile sprouting on her face.

Maura furrowed her brow. "I didn't know you played chess-"

"I do, but that's beside the point." Jane grinned. "I like this idea. It won't solve everything, but at least I can set some ground rules for the beard."

"The _beard_? What on earth are you talking about, Jane?"

"Nothing. Let's do it. Let's tell them."

* * *

**A/N2: Alright folks, our girls are moving one step closer to being OUT! Hold on to your seats though, because this ship's about to get rocky!**


	15. It Pours

**A/N: Please don't hate me. I did warn you.**

* * *

When they'd announced their relationship to Wylie, and to Maura's staff, things had gone pretty smoothly. Wylie was surprisingly happy for them, giving hugs and congratulations as if it were some sort of accomplishment, and he made an earnest effort to keep a respectful distance. Thomas had already known, of course, but he was glad they'd finally decided to open up about it. No one else seemed to care really, except Charlie, who seemed inexplicably annoyed. Jane, ever the detective, decided to watch him closely. She remembered the warning he'd given her months ago, that had nearly scared her away. She hated it, but it kept replaying in her mind and she wondered, _should she have listened?_ Each new acknowledgment about their relationship brought their secret closer to the light, and with that Jane's fear and anxiety grew. Maura was scared too, but she hid it well behind her practiced smile. She kept telling herself that everything would work out okay, as long as she had Jane by her side. But the question still remained, nagging incessantly within her logical mind, _would Jane always be there?_

One afternoon, while Maura was taking a phone call in another room, Jane was resting on the couch, bored, when she spotted Charlie's phone sitting on the coffee table unattended. He had been such a prick lately, she figured she'd do a little spying, and maybe get back at him with some social media hacking. She remembered his birthday last month, in which he'd gotten incredibly hammered and stumbled in the next morning still drunk, and typed the date in for the password. Jane smiled when the phone unlocked.

"Why do people actually use their birthday for their passwords?" she wondered aloud, and silently thanked Frost for tip. She immediately started scrolling through Charlie's picture gallery, looking for anything suspicious, and potentially for an embarrassing selfie to post, when she discovered a photo of herself and Maura, lip-locked in a rather private and heated embrace, on this very couch. Apparently they had thought they were alone, as they were sure never to display that kind of affection in front of others. Charlie had to have been spying... and keeping photographic evidence. But for what? Jane immediately saw red. This confrontation could not wait. She stomped through the house until she found him in the kitchen and thrust the picture in his face.

"What is this?" Jane asked, accusatory.

His jaw dropped. "Why do you have my phone?!"

"Answer the question, asshole! What is it?"

"It's an insurance policy," Charlie snarked.

"_Excuse me?_"

"Well, clearly you're intent on ruining Maura's career, which will leave me without a job. At least I can sell that photo for a few grand, and get something out of it."

"This _photo _could ruin her career!" Jane was fuming.

"You two are cutting it too close already, it's only a matter of time before you get caught," he answered with disdain. "If I play my cards right and sell that photo just in time… let's just call it my severance pay."

"You can't do that," Jane argued.

"What do _you_ know?" he challenged. "Huh? Look lady, I've been in this business for a long time, okay? I know how things work. You? You're just an outsider. Fresh off the bus and you think you have it all figured out!" He snorted and shook his head. "You couldn't be more wrong. You have no idea what you're doing here. And you really don't know what you're doing to _her._" He snatched the phone out of Jane's hand and looked at her closely, narrowing his eyes and spitting the words with contempt. "You don't even belong here."

Stunned into silence, Jane could do nothing but watch him walk away. _Was he right?_ She jumped when Maura touched her shoulder from behind. She hadn't even heard her enter the room.

"Jane, honey, what's wrong?" Maura asked, concerned.

"Oh uh, nothing, don't worry about it." Jane waved her hand in the air dismissively.

But Maura read the anguish in her features. "No, you're upset about something, I can tell."

"You know, maybe I need some fresh air." _I need to get out of here._ _I need to think._ She felt around in her pockets for keys. "I think I'm gonna go for a drive. Are you good here?"

"Of course." Maura eyed her with worry. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I'll- I'll call you, okay?" Jane said over her shoulder, rushing out the door.

"I love you!" Maura shouted to her, watching the trail of Jane's retreat long after she'd gone. Ever since they'd returned to Los Angeles, Maura had noticed that Jane had been a bit off, but she couldn't figure out what it was exactly. _Distracted? No. Well yes, but more than that._ She just couldn't put her finger on it, and it was threatening to drive her mad. She needed to get to the bottom of it, and soon.

Jane drove across town to Elysian Park, parked her car in a lot and walked across the road, passing a white gate to follow the secluded foot trail into the solitude of nature. Here, the sound of the freeway was muted, and no one else seemed to be on the trail but her. She followed it, winding past an odd-looking rock formation that looked like a dragon, with painted eyes and a graffiti neck, and continued on the path, navigating small hills, until the trees opened up on her left. There she found a spectacular view of the Golden State Freeway, with the San Gabriel mountains standing taller than gods in the distance. She paused for a few moments to admire the beauty of it all, trying her best to commit it to memory before continuing on the narrow path, the heat of the day fading as dusk approached. After a half mile or so, she came upon a more graffiti, this time on a short wall, with a worn stony path leading up and over, which she scaled to land back on the road. She followed it west, so she could face the setting sun, walking alongside a drainage route until the path ended at an empty soccer field. She kept to the south side, where she could see the tall downtown buildings reaching into the sky, then picked up the road heading north until she saw the sign for Angel's Point. Maybe the angels would have some advice for her. The short path took her to an odd, graffitied sculpture-thing that she was sure Maura would call 'art' but just looked kind of silly to Jane. So she ventured just past the far edge of the thing to admire an unobstructed view.

Her timing was perfect. The sun was still setting, painting the sky in a million shades of oranges and yellows and reds, illuminating the enormous, incredible city that she simultaneously loved and hated. She loved it because it was Maura's city. It was where they met, where it all started. Ground zero. And she hated it because it was tearing them apart. It wasn't just the city, she knew. It wasn't just the industry, either. It wasn't 'the gay thing', or the fake boyfriend thing, and it wasn't just that she missed Boston and her family and everything about being a detective… it was all of these things, and everything in-between that couldn't be said.

As she watched the sun make its descent, taking in the unspeakable beauty, she thought long and hard about Maura, and about how they fit into each other's lives. The love was there, obviously. The love was everything, and it was _amazing_. She'd never felt anything like it. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that their relationship didn't really make sense, logically. She had been so swept up in the feeling of being with Maura - wonderful, incredible, beautiful Maura - that she had completely failed to acknowledge the obvious fact that it simply wouldn't work long-term. Their worlds were far too different. And most importantly, Jane's very presence in Maura's world was now threatening to destroy it.

She sat for a long time and thought about everything. About her life since she'd left Boston. Traveling the world. Falling in love. About who she was before, and how much she had changed. She though about her mother, her father, her brothers, and how much she missed being with her crazy family, even if she didn't want to admit it. She thought about being a homicide detective and how solving murder cases felt as natural as breathing, and simultaneously more exhilarating than the roller coaster at Six Flags. She thought about how she could describe being with Maura the exact same way, only it also felt warm and soft and like coming home to a place like heaven that she never knew existed. She thought about the way they fit together seamlessly, like they were two halves cut from the same whole. She thought about the softness of Maura's skin, her lips, and the indescribable way she tastes. She thought about the sound of her laughter, and the way her voice deepens when they're alone together in the darkness of night. The impossibly sexy way she looks when she comes undone. Her smile. Her kind heart. _She deserves the world,_ Jane thought, _and she nearly has it by the balls. And only one flaw: me._ Jane knew she would become Maura's undoing. And she couldn't bear to destroy the person she cared about most in the world, the best person she had ever known. She knew what she had to do.

The sky had long since turned dark and the moon and stars took their place above the glowing city as she said a silent goodbye and took the short route back to her car.

Sitting in the driver's seat where she'd left it, her phone flashed with missed calls and voice messages, all from her mother. She didn't bother to listen to the messages, instead just dialed Angela's number. She answered on the first ring, sobbing incoherent words into the phone. Jane tried to make out what she was saying, but it was imporssible.

"Woah, woah, woah, Ma! Slow down, okay? Take a deep breath. Breathe with me. In and out. In and out." Just like Maura had done for her. "Good. Better?"

"He's leaving me, Jane!" Angela managed to choke out.

"What?" Jane was clueless.

"Your father. He's leaving me!"

"Wh-where's he going?" Jane asked, confused.

"Florida!"

"Like, on a trip?"

"No! He's divorcing me and shackin' up with some floozy!"

"What?!" Jane was incredulous. "Ma what are you talking about?!"

"He wants a divorce! After all these years, he doesn't want me to be his wife anymore!" she sobbed. "What am I gonna do, Janie?"

Jane sighed and shook her head in disbelief. _When it rains, it pours._ "Don't worry, Ma. I'm coming home. We'll figure this out together."

* * *

Maura was sitting alone in her kitchen when Jane returned. She immediately noticed Jane's down-turned face and lethargic movements, the worry lines on her brow working overtime.

"Maura, we need to talk."

Her tone put Maura's defenses on alert. Something was very much not okay.

"Okay." Maura swallowed. "What do we need to talk about?"

Jane took a deep breath, steeling herself for the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. There were so many things she wanted to say, but knew she shouldn't. She had to be quick, and she had to be direct. No room for argument or negotiation, because Jane knew she didn't have the strength for any of that. She had to do this, for Maura.

"We can't do this anymore," Jane said simply, trying her hardest to look at Maura and not break.

Maura's heart sank at the words. It was exactly what she had feared most. Part of her had seen it coming, she had just refused to acknowledge it. Now she was left with no choice.

"And by _this,_ you mean _us_," she clarified, something between a question and a statement.

Jane nodded, unable to meet Maura's sad eyes. She knew it would destroy her. It was part of the reason she couldn't stay. "And... I'm going back to Boston."

A second blow, this one straight to the heart. While Maura had somewhat anticipated that their relationship might not survive in its current form, she hadn't allowed herself to consider the possibility of losing Jane from her life entirely. "_What?_"

"I'm moving back to Boston. I can't be here anymore, Maura. I just... I can't."

"But you don't have to leave!" Maura heard the desperation in her own voice, but was powerless to expel it. She didn't even try to hide it when her voice cracked and tears sprung to her eyes. "Let's talk about this. Jane please-"

"Maura, please don't make this harder than it already is."

"I just- I don't understand why-"

"Come on, don't act so surprised." Jane tried to appeal to Maura's logical senses. "Brilliant as you are, you had to know this couldn't actually work."

And it stung even more because Jane was right. Maura had thought about it. A lot. She'd read the studies, she'd seen the statistics. All the obstacles in their way, from fame and careers, to money and opposite social backgrounds, to the relationship itself being deemed socially inappropriate by a large - albeit ignorant - portion of society simply because of their anatomy. In her mind, her logical, information-seeking, analytical, genius mind that she had always trusted, she knew they would never have a fair chance. But something else had told her differently. Something inside her _felt_ differently. Something she could never find in a study, or even describe in words. It was the same part of her that even in that moment, that horrible, gut-wrenching moment that Jane Rizzoli, the person she loved more than anything in this world, was breaking her heart, she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her and pull her tight, because she could see that Jane's heart was breaking too. The hurt was written in her features, the way her lip trembled ever so slightly, and the uncharacteristic slump of her strong shoulders. Maura tilted her head to the side and started to walk towards her, sensing the slightest opening. "Jane-"

"Don't." Jane put up an unsteady hand, stopping Maura in her tracks. Her voice shook when she spoke. "It will only make it harder." So much she wanted to say… _I'll ruin everything if I stay... You deserve so much better... I'll never forget you... I'll never stop loving you..._ Yet she remained silent.

They stared at each other for long moments, tears starting to flow freely now, both wanting nothing greater than to hold the other, and kiss her, and tell her that nothing could ever separate them.

But instead, Maura closed her eyes.

And Jane walked away.


	16. Missing Her

After she'd returned to Boston, Jane tried her hardest to pretend like she had never left. She got her job back at BPD almost immediately, falling back into the work even better and sharper before. She used her substantial earnings from the past year to buy the Rizzoli home and save it from foreclosure, and moved into the house with her mother. They were both grieving for their lost relationships, so they made perfect companions for recovery. Jane didn't tell Angela about Maura, and if Angela noticed her frequent melancholy, she must have just assumed that Jane was taking the divorce particularly hard. She was, of course, heartbroken and missing Maura everyday. She thought about her at odd moments, about something random that she had said, or something that had made her smile. While these memories, bittersweet, were all she had left, Jane had to admit that she finally understood the thing people say about it being better to have loved and lost. It was easy for her to see now, how much better she was for having loved Maura, and for having been loved by her. Something had been awakened inside her when they were together, something beautiful, that stayed with Jane even now that they were apart. She was a calmer, more confident woman, and she no longer felt that sickening anger bubbling below the surface all the time. And while she still felt that she'd made the right decision in leaving, she continued to dream of Maura every night.

Jane made it a point not to keep tabs on Maura. She knew now that a lot of the stories in the magazines were half-truths at best anyway. She just hoped that wherever she was, whatever she was doing, that Maura was happy, and fulfilled, and maybe even loved.

But Maura wasn't happy. She was disappointed in herself for not seeing this coming, and she was devastated at the loss of her lover and best friend. She'd never really had a best friend before, until Jane came along. She'd never really fallen in love like that either, not with anyone, not even close. And she had even let herself entertain the idea of someday, maybe becoming a sort-of member of the Rizzoli family, to feel something like family again, but that dream was dead now too. She had lost so much all at once, it was hard for even a genius to even comprehend.

So she threw herself into work, picking up parts in small independent films, seeking out meatier, more complex characters that she could really lose herself in. She finished her six-month contract with Wylie and they amicably agreed to go their separate ways, though they'd still send a text message every once in a while, just to see how the other was doing. He was the closest thing Maura had to a friend that wasn't on her payroll.

Maura's only other consolation was shopping. Sometimes she'd drag Dave along with her, offering to pay him double for his time, just so she didn't have to go alone. She tried not to think about how pathetic that seemed.

"You still miss her, don't you?" Dave asked sadly, already knowing the answer. He was helping her into a yellow strapless designer dress, an attempt to brighten her up a bit, but the darkness in her features told a silent truth.

Maura just sighed. It was obvious.

"It's been over six months," Dave reminded her. "I think maybe it's time to start moving on, honey."

"I don't want to move on," she told him sincerely.

"You can't mourn her forever, Maura. And darling, you're _way_ too gorgeous to be alone!"

She looked in his eyes, kind and full of concern, and made an awful attempt at a smile. "I'm used to being alone," she replied.

"Is that what you want? To be alone?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter what I want."

He threw his hands up in the air dramatically and put some pep in his words. "Oh, this conversation is going nowhere! And you, skinny thing, you need a steak! And some drinks! And we are going dancing! Yes, that is exactly what you need!"

Maura looked in the mirror and frowned. "What about the dress?"

"Get the blue one. The rest don't do you justice."

That night she made a lame excuse to leave the club early, ignoring Dave's vehement protests, and drove out to the beach. The sound of the waves crashing along the shoreline brought her an immediate sense of calm, and the salty air seemed to open up her lungs so she could breathe. Removing her heels, she walked barefoot through the sand until she found a nice, secluded spot and lied down. She folded her hands beneath her head and stared up into the night sky, listening to the sea, counting the stars, and searching for her Perseus to come rescue her.

* * *

"And another one bites the dust," Angela said, seeing her daughter's expression as she plopped down on the couch next to her. "What was it about this one?"

"It's not him," Jane sighed. "It's not any of them, Ma. It's me." She looked down at her lap, emotionally exhausted.

"What do you mean, Jane? You're a catch! You're beautiful, smart, a decent cook-"

Jane waved her hand to stop her mother's compliments. "No, I don't mean it like that. I'm just not interested in any of them."

"Well maybe if you actually gave them a chance..."

"I don't want to Ma, that's the problem! I don't want to give any of them a chance. I only want one person and..." she let her words trail off with her thoughts.

"And what, Jane?" Angela was hanging on that 'one person' thing.

Jane sighed again. She had grown a lot closer to her mother over the course of the past year. They had both been through a lot in that time, and had come to be each other's support system, but she had never told her mother about the extent of her relationship with Maura. Maybe now was the time. "Can I tell you something, and you _promise, I mean promise_, not to tell another soul?"

"Of course, Jane."

"I mean it, Ma. You have to promise not to tell anyone."

Angela was about to squirm out of her skin with anticipation. She would have promised Jane the Hope Diamond if it meant her spilling this secret. "I promise!"

"I loved her." She smiled a tiny bit when she said it, her eyes losing focus as she started to get lost in the memories that quickly.

"Loved who, Jane?"

It had been so long since she'd said her name out loud. "Maura."

"Maura? Maura Isles?"

"Do we know another Maura?"

"Well no, it's just that... I don't know." She paused a moment. "When you say _loved_..."

"We were _in love_," Jane clarified, leaving no room for misinterpretation or doubt. "Like really, honest-to-goodness, in love."

"Jane, are you trying to tell me that you're a... lesbian?"

"I don't know if I'm a lesbian, Ma. I don't want to be with women. But I don't want to be with men, either. I just want to be with Maura. But I can't, so..." she looked away helplessly.

"Well why can't you? What happened between you and her?"

"I don't know. It was all just so much so fast. I mean, everything was perfect, and then it wasn't. And I couldn't get in the way..." She shook her head, the thoughts racing too fast to grab hold of them. "I'm not making any sense."

"No, you're not," Angela said with a small chuckle. "But love doesn't always make sense, honey." She put a supportive hand on her daughter's knee.

Jane smiled at her mother's understanding. She was grateful to be able to share this with her openly. "Los Angeles and 'the industry' as they call it, and all their stupid rules and stupid games, the paparazzi, the press... it was all just too much, I think. And Maura was dating that coyote guy-"

"I was wondering when you were going to get to that part-"

"Well they weren't really dating. It was a publicity stunt or something, whatever, I don't know. See, I don't get that stuff. And I don't get the fancy parties and the designer clothes and all of that. It's not me. It's not where I belong. And Maura," she sighed. "It's everything to Maura, it's all she knows. She was going to lose everything because of me, and I just- I couldn't do that to her."

"But what about Maura? Did you talk to her about all this?"

"No, she would have fought me on it. She would have convinced me to stay, things would have gone badly, and then it would have been all my fault."

"Well don't you think she should have gotten a say in all this? I mean, it's her life too, ya know."

"I know. But she's moved on by now, I'm sure. And she's much better off."

"Do you still love her?"

"Of course I still love her. I'm pretty sure I always will. I am still _very much in love_ with her, even after all this time. I think about her everyday. I _miss her_ everyday. I dream about her all the time... And now that I'm saying all of this out loud, it sounds like it might be really... unhealthy." She made a face.

"You and your jokes. You use them to get you out of uncomfortable situations, you know that, right?"

"What are you saying, Dr. Phil?"

"I'm saying you should call her. I've never heard you talk like this about anybody and you don't let something that special get away, Jane. You'll regret it your whole life if you do."

"I can't do that to her, Ma. That wouldn't be fair. I could ruin everything for her. She's better off without me, and I'm... learning to be okay with that." Jane shrugged. "Well, I'm trying at least."

Angela looked at her daughter with a mix of sadness and pride. "You've grown into an amazing woman, Jane Rizzoli."

Jane eyed her curiously. "Was that a compliment for me, or for yourself?"

"I can take some of the credit," Angela said, "but not all. You came back to Boston a more mature, more loving person. Even though you still keep your distance in a lot of ways, you've really opened up Jane, and that had nothing to do with me. That was all you."

Jane smiled sadly. "With a little help. But thanks Ma, that means a lot."

* * *

The next morning, when Jane came out of the shower, towels wrapped around her hair and body, she found her mother holding her phone.

"What are you doing?"

Angela quickly put the phone down on the kitchen counter and looked at Jane, then back at the phone. "Oh, uh, that's not my phone! Duh! Jane, have you seen my phone?"

Jane eyed her with heavy suspicion. "Yeah, it's right there on the counter. About two feet away from mine. With the bright pink case... which looks nothing like mine."

"Are you implying that I'm getting too old to see, Jane?" Angela asked, expertly avoiding.

"I am not-" Jane stopped and shook her head. "You're too good at this game and I'm running late. Just give me my phone, please."

Angela handed the phone to Jane, who immediately scrolled through the call log and text messages. She found nothing suspicious. If her mother had done anything unsavory, she had been smart enough to delete the evidence. With one final glare at her mother, Jane turned and headed to her room to finish getting ready for work.

* * *

It was early when Maura's phone alerted her to a text message. She was awake, but still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to remember the quickly fading details of the dream from which she'd just awoken. It was so real she could almost smell the unique scent of Jane's skin. She sighed and rolled over, picking up her phone and unlocking the screen with her finger. Her heart nearly exploded when she saw Jane's number. She opened the message.

_This is Jane's mother Angela. Jane is in the shower so I have 2 b quick. She told me everything. She misses u._

Maura's jaw dropped. She didn't know how to respond, or if she should respond, or if not responding would be rude? She sat up and swallowed her fear. This could be the chance she'd been hoping for, and she sure as hell wasn't going to pass it up. She typed quickly.

_I miss her too. So much! How is she?_

Honest and open was the only chance she had to repair what had been broken.

_She doesn't want 2 hurt u. Or ur career. But u should O NO shower quit g2g_

"What?" Maura studied the text for a moment before googling g2g and realizing that Angela had to go, apparently quickly, probably because she was in danger of getting caught using Jane's phone. Which meant that Jane didn't know Angela had sent the messages. The unfinished conversation raised a lot of questions. What exactly had Jane told her mom? Did she _say _she missed her, or was that an inference on Angela's part? Jane had previously told Maura that Angela was a meddler.

At this point, Maura realized she didn't care anymore. With just the tiniest sliver of a chance that Jane might possibly even consider giving what they had a second chance, she had to do something. And it had to be big.


	17. Facing Fear

**A/N: This is it, folks... the final chapter! (But stay tuned for a short epilogue to follow!)**

* * *

_With just the tiniest sliver of a chance that Jane might possibly even consider giving what they had a second chance, she had to do something. And it had to be big._

Twenty-four hours later, Maura sat in a backstage dressing room, wringing her hands in her lap. The day before had been stressful, and full of phone calls with film industry folks who had tried to talk her out of exactly what she was about to do. And she had fired every last one of them. She had tossed and turned all night. The doubts streamed through her mind endlessly, but only one thing mattered anymore. Her mind continually came back to one single point of focus: Jane.

"Are you ready, Miss Isles?" The production assistant's voice jarred her from her thoughts.

Maura took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She stood up. "As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

Jane was sitting at her desk, bored out of her mind with paperwork, when Angela rushed into the bullpen.

"Jane!" Angela seemed nearly out of breath.

Jane sat up and stretched, looking curiously at her mother, wondering what in the world she was up to now.

"Ma? What's up?"

"You need to come to the breakroom. I need to show you something!"

"Well, I'm kind of in the middle of something here. What is it?" she asked.

"Just come with me. Now!"

Jane looked at her mother and sighed in resignation. "Alright, alright. I'm coming," she replied, rising slowly from her chair. Angela grabbed her by the arm and pulled her hastily into the breakroom, where she immediately turned the television to... a shampoo commercial?

"_This_ is what you wanted to show me?" Jane asked, looking at the screen in confusion. "Do I have a split end problem you're trying to tell me about or something?"

Angela scowled. "No. It's just about to come on. I heard her announce it before the commercial break."

Before Jane had the chance to ask another question, the sound of audience applause flowed through the television speaker, drawing her attention to the screen. Jane looked up to watch as Ellen welcomed her next guest.

"Please welcome, Oscar-winner and star of the hit film series _Queen of the Dead_, the lovely and talented... _Maura Isles_!"

Jane gasped as she watched Maura walk onto the set, the crowd cheering for her as she swayed her hips to the beat of the music, that classic movie-star smile plastered on her beautiful face. It wasn't Maura's real smile, not the one Jane knew, but still she looked stunning.

Maura and Ellen exchanged pleasantries, and quickly got down to business.

"So Maura, I understand that you have something of an announcement you'd like to make?" Ellen prompted.

"Yes." A close-up shot showed Jane the clouds in her hazel eyes, the barely visible worry lines on her brow- this was not the happy, free Maura she would have expected to see. Jane frowned. Her plan to save Maura with her absence seemed to be failing.

After a beat, Ellen encouraged her to continue. "Please, enlighten us."

Maura took a deep breath. "I'm taking a step back, from acting."

The audience groaned in disappointment. Jane swallowed.

"But you're sort of at the height of your career, aren't you?" Ellen asked, obviously knowing the answer, but seeking to draw more information. Jane wondered how much information Maura was willing to give.

"I've been very blessed with the projects I've had the opportunity to be a part of, particularly in the last few years, yes," Maura answered sweetly. "I've played some really great characters, and been fortunate enough to work with some really talented people, but the industry is becoming increasingly difficult for me to deal with, personally. I need to step away from it, at least for a little while."

"But you've worked in the movie business for a long time, so I have to ask, what brought this on now?"

Maura took another deep breath and let it out slowly before answering. "I lost someone very special to me. Partially because of my own fears and insecurities, but a lot of it had to do with the pressure of this industry." She looked out at the audience. "A lot of people don't realize the pressure put on actors to maintain a certain image. If you want to get ahead, you have to play by the rules. I've been playing by the rules for a long time, and it has worked out well, professionally. But personally..." She looked down at her lap, her sadness apparent, then back up. "It cost me the love of my life."

Jane felt as if all the air had been sucked from her lungs. She couldn't believe her ears.

"The love of your life? That's a pretty strong statement. What happened?" Ellen continued.

Jane was hanging on every word.

A small smile tugged momentarily at Maura's lips, then faded. "I fell in love with a woman..."

Gasps erupted throughout the audience. "Oh boy!" Ellen exclaimed.

"...And that's against the rules," Maura finished.

"Unless you're a comedienne!" Ellen commented with a smirk.

The audience chuckled at Ellen's quip, and Maura gave a small smile. "Which, unfortunately, I am not," she added.

"No, you're what they call a _leading lady_. Hollywood elite."

"Everyone told me to keep quiet, that it wasn't right for my _image_. They told me that if I wanted to keep getting leading roles in studio films, I had to 'look the part', and that there aren't any parts for leading _lesbians_."

Ellen nodded her head. "Yeah, that sounds about right. I'd hoped things would have changed a lot more by now, but I was given a similar speech over a decade ago. And then I decided it wasn't worth it anymore."

"I've finally come to realize that as well," Maura agreed. "You see, I used to think my career was all I had. And then I met _her_, and everything changed… but I was still living by the same rules. And it wasn't working anymore, but I was still afraid to step outside of what I was told, afraid to risk something so important." She sighed. "Instead I ended up losing the most important thing of all."

"Who is this mystery woman?" Ellen pried.

"I'd rather not say, out of respect for her privacy."

"Fair enough. Do you still think there's a chance for you two?"

"I don't know," Maura looked up hopefully. "But I really, really hope so. With every part of me, I hope there is still a chance."

"You're willing to give it another try if she is?"

"Absolutely!"

"Is there anything you want to say to her, in case she's watching now?"

Jane held her breath and watched as Maura turned her attention to the camera, and the frame closed in on her face. She seemed to look right at her as she spoke softly.

"I miss you." Maura's voice was wet with tears and she gave a sad smile that made Jane's heart break into a million tiny pieces. "I love you. And I am so, so sorry for not knowing how to show you that before. I made a lot of mistakes, and a lot of bad choices, but I'm trying to do things right this time. I want to do things right, if you'll give me another chance. I know that I must have hurt you, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to make up for that, but if you'll let me, I'll spend every day for the rest of my life trying."

Jane didn't see or hear Ellen's conclusion of the interview, nor did she notice when another commercial flashed across the screen. Angela's voice was somewhere in the mix, saying her name, but it all seemed so far away. All Jane could think about was how Maura had gotten it all wrong- that it was _Jane_ who had made the mistakes, _Jane_ who had caused the hurt. Hurt that was supposed to have been relieved by her absence, but had somehow only compounded. How could she have gotten it so wrong yet again? Maura's voice echoed in her ears. _I miss you. I love you._

Jane turned and ran right out of the police station.

* * *

Maura sat on the front steps of the Rizzoli home, feeling more nervous than she'd ever been in her life. She knew the interview would have aired by now, and she had no idea how Jane would react. And maybe waiting at her home wasn't the best idea. It was intrusive to say the least, but Maura couldn't help herself. She had to see Jane, and she had to do everything she possibly could to increase her odds of getting her back. This was the final step of her grand gesture, her last chance to reclaim what she had lost, and there was no distance she was unwilling to go at this point. The stakes were so incredibly high.

Her wait was almost too short, her stomach a hurricane of nerves as she watched Jane's car pull into the driveway. She stood on unsteady legs to greet the distracted detective as she exited the car.

Mind still reeling, Jane didn't notice Maura until she had nearly reached the steps. She stopped short, incredulous. "Maura? What are you doing here?"

The words Maura had carefully and repeatedly practiced before suddenly vacated her mind, so she voiced the barest truth. "I needed to see you."

"I just saw you- I- I saw your interview." Jane stammered. She had no idea what to say. She was still processing.

Maura nodded her head. "That's good. I wanted you to hear all those things."

"But why did you do it? Your career, it's-"

"It's nothing compared to what you and I had together. What I think we still have, despite everything that's happened. I want to try again, Jane. Please."

Jane continued as if Maura hadn't spoken. "I never wanted you to give that up for me. I never wanted you to give up _anything_ for me."

"I didn't do it for you," Maura clarified. "I did it for _me_. Because I need to be honest about who I am, and I am a woman who is in love with another woman. _With you._ Totally and completely in love. I'm not ashamed of it, and I refuse to hide it anymore. _I love you, Jane Rizzoli!_ I never stopped loving you. Not for one second. You make me the happiest I've ever been. Please, please give _us_ another chance."

As if by pure instinct, Jane closed the distance between them and pulled Maura desperately to her, kissing her hard, fingers laced in her honey blonde hair. Maura wasted no time returning Jane's passion, as she crushed their bodies together and they began to quench their overwhelming thirst for one another.

Suddenly, Jane pulled away, leaving Maura leaning forward, every part of her feeling the loss immediately. She opened her eyes and looked at Jane's rapidly changing features, her eyes deep with an emotion Maura couldn't identify. Jane's hand covered her mouth and she started shaking her head. Disbelief? Regret?

"I'm sorry," Jane said, still shaking her head as she took two slow steps backwards, away from Maura. Everything was happening so fast. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't right. "I'm- I'm so, so sorry." It was all Jane could say.

Maura fell apart in that instant. With those words, she felt her heart, her hope, every vision of her future with Jane rapidly decay inside of her, leaving little more than an empty shell of herself. Tears burned her eyes as she looked into Jane's one last time, searching ineffectually for an answer to the question she was too afraid to ask: _why?_

"I'm sorry too," she breathed, a whisper. Yielding to her apparent fate, she turned and quickly retreated to her rental car, tears flowing more freely now as she began to fully process Jane's rejection. She had taken a chance, and she had lost. She had let herself hope, let herself believe, that their reunion could have been a joyous one, could have been a new beginning for them together, but she had been wrong once again.

"Maura, wait!"

But Maura didn't stop, quickly shutting the door and starting the engine. The ringing in her ears was so loud, she wasn't entirely sure she had heard Jane call her name. She didn't trust herself enough to believe it, and she didn't possess the strength to look behind her. Not again.

"Please! Maura!"

It pained her too much to wonder whether or not Jane had ever really loved her like she thought, so Maura put the car into drive and sped away.

Jane watched Maura's car disappear down the familiar street, feeling as though it was taking a part of her with it. A sharp anxiety rose from her stomach, a painful tingling sensation reaching throughout her body and resting in her fingertips. She knew that she had just made a huge mistake.

Moments later, Angela's car pulled into the spot Maura's rental had just vacated. Jane continued to stare blankly as her mother got out and rushed to her side.

"Jane, honey, what's wrong?" Her voice sounded distant in Jane's ears. "Why are you so upset?"

Jane just shook her head, unable to answer.

"Why don't you come inside, huh? I'll make you some tea."

Jane let her mother guide her into the house and sat down in the nearest chair. Thoughts and emotions were swirling through her at an alarming rate. The things Maura had said in that interview, _seeing_ her again, touching her skin, smelling her, kissing her… it brought back every raw emotion she'd been suppressing since the day she'd left. Her body, her _soul_ ached for Maura. So why had she reacted that way? Why had she turned away the very thing she wanted most?

Angela sat down next to her and handed her a warm cup of tea. She smelled the honey rising up in the steam, and it calmed her a little. A warm hand rubbed circles on her upper back, the same comforting gesture she'd received as a child. Angela's voice was quiet when she spoke.

"Better?"

Jane nodded and took a sip of her tea.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Angela asked hopefully.

Jane sighed. She had to talk about it. She had to work it out. She had to make it right. Somehow. "I don't know what to do, Ma."

"Tell me what happened."

"I came home to- to think, to sort all this out, you know? To figure out what to do with this new… information, and Maura- Maura was here. She-" her voice caught, and the only words she could choke out were "she's gone, Ma! I chased her away and she's gone!"

"Come here." Angela pulled Jane into her arms, stroking her hair while Jane cried out her frustration. When her tears ran dry, Jane sat up and grabbed a tissue from the end table. Angela patted her back. "It's okay baby, take your time."

Jane took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I freaked. She wanted to give up everything to be with me, and I freaked. I told her she shouldn't have done it."

"You're still in love with her, right?"

A humorless chuckle escaped Jane's lips. "Of course I am. I can't imagine ever _not_ being in love with her."

"So then you're afraid," Angela concluded.

"Afraid?" Jane snorted, offended. "I am not afraid!"

"Stop that!" Angela chastised. "You're afraid and you know it. You're afraid of hurting her. You're afraid she'll hurt you. You're afraid of what it means-"

"Okay!" Jane shouted, the uncomfortable truth making her squirm. "I'm terrified, alright?!"

"Good! Admitting it is the first step." She winked at Jane, who frowned back at her.

"I'm not an addict," Jane retorted.

Angela continued as if she hadn't spoken. "So the way I see it, if you're afraid of something, you have two options."

"Yeah?" Jane was eager for her mother's advice, for once.

"You can either face your fear, or you can run from it."

Jane considered this for a moment, puzzle pieces fitting together in her mind. "And I just ran from it."

Angela nodded, seeing that Jane was finally getting it. "Yes, you did."

"That's _so_ not me," she realized.

"That's _so_ not you," Angela agreed with a smile.

"So what do I do now?"

"You face your fear, sweetheart."

Jane nodded. "I need to find Maura." She stood up, determination taking over. "I need to fix this."

"She's staying at the Four Seasons. I wrote down the room number." Angela stood up, pulling a small slip of paper from her pocket, and handed it to Jane, who looked back at her in disbelief.

"How did you-?"

"Maura came by the house this morning after you'd left for work. She told me to have you watch that interview. She really loves you, Jane, and she wants to make sure you know it."

Jane didn't know what to say, and she didn't have time to worry about it. She took the paper gratefully and hugged her mother. "Thank you, Ma. I love you!"

"I love you too, baby. Now go get your girl!"

* * *

Irritated and red-eyed, Maura flung open the door, fully intending to unleash a fury of uncharacteristically unkind words to whomever was the cause of the insistent knocking. But when she came face to face with a wide-eyed Jane, she found herself unable to speak at all.

"Hey." It was all Jane could manage.

"Jane." Maura stared up at her in disbelief.

"Just hear me out, okay?"

Maura nodded. "Okay."

Jane took a deep breath, gathering courage, then spoke slowly. "There aren't many things I'm afraid of. I'm not afraid of getting shot. I'm not afraid of getting stabbed, or hurt, or killed. But there is one thing that really, truly scares me, more than anything else - like scares me all the way to the bone - and that's the thought of losing the people I love. It terrifies me. And sometimes it makes me do things that are..." Jane paused, looking for the right word.

"Stupid?" Maura offered.

"Yeah, stupid. And..."

"And self-destructive..."

A small smile tugged at Jane's lips. "Well I was going to move on after stupid, but if you want to keep throwing out adjectives, if it makes you feel better-"

"No, I think that's enough. You may continue."

"Thanks. Uh, where was I?"

"Stupid and self-destructive," Maura reminded her.

"Oh yeah. I just- God, I love you so much, Maura! _So_ much! And it scares the living hell out of me! But I shouldn't have run," she said, shaking her head in disappointment. "Not today, and not back in California. I shouldn't have run, and I know that I hurt you and I don't know how, or even _if, _I'll ever be able it up to you, but I want to try. I want to stop running from this, to stop running from _you_, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Maura, and I hate not having you in my life! For so long, I've just felt like there was this hole in my life, this _piece_ that's _missing_, and I had no idea what it was, or how to find it... and then you came along. And it was like, you fit just perfectly. A little Maura-shaped piece was exactly what I needed, all this time. But LA didn't feel right to me and I thought our relationship was bad for you, and I... I just..." she sighed, hanging her head. "I'm sorry for screwing this up. And I'm sorry for hurting you, more than once. And I understand if you can't forgive me."

_Silence._

Jane was afraid to look up, her fear growing with every second that passed. Finally Maura took her by the hands and spoke softly.

"Jane. Look at me."

Jane looked into the sweetest hazel eyes, shining with tears.

"Let's start over," Maura said. She cleared her throat and smiled up at Jane. "Will you have dinner with me, Jane Rizzoli?"


	18. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

**So, just in case you're wondering how our girls ended up, here's a snapshot of a few years later...**

* * *

It's Rizzoli Family Dinner Night, and Jane and Maura are arriving a little late because they… well let's just say they lost track of time. Maura has a bottle of expensive Pinot Noir in her hands, and Jane a six pack of Blue Moon. They enter without knocking, the smell of warm Italian food greeting them with the boisterous noise of family and friends.

"Hey!," the guys call out to them in unison, gathered in the living room to watch the game.

"So nice of you to join us," Frost says with a grin.

"Yeah, did you get lost on the way here from Beacon Hill or something?" Frankie jokes.

"Is that jealousy I hear, Frankie?" Jane counters playfully. "You get yourself a rich wife and you can buy a house in Beacon Hill too. We can be neighbors!"

"Too bad Maura doesn't have a sister," Tommy adds with a wink.

Maura smiles and takes the beer from Jane, allowing her to take one out of the pack. "I'll put these up and see if Angela needs help in the kitchen."

"Thanks babe," Jane kisses her cheek and sits down next to Korsak. "What's the score?"

Maura strolls into the kitchen, where Angela is busy putting the finishing touches on another lovely meal.

"Maura, darling!" Angela greets her warmly, giving her a quick hug and a kiss. "I thought I heard you girls come in. What took you so long?"

Maura blushes. "Oh, we uh, well, you know, we-"

Angela laughs. "Two years of marriage and you girls are still just like teenagers!"

"Two years tomorrow," Maura says proudly.

"Which reminds me, I have something for you both!" She grins at Maura before yelling toward the living room. "JANE! Bring me that box under the coffee table!"

A few seconds later, Jane enters with the box in her hands and four curious gentlemen in tow. "What is it, Ma?"

"It's your anniversary present!" Angela answers excitedly. "For you and Maura. Open it!"

"Ma, you didn't have to- aw!" Inside the box is a large hand-made scrapbook. Jane pulls it out and sets in on the island as Maura settles in next to her to take a look. Together, with friends and family all around, they thumb through the pages.

"Look," Jane says, pointing at the first photo. "That's right before our first dinner together here in Boston. That was a weird day, huh?" She elbows Maura lightly.

"That was quite a day," Maura agrees. "You dumped me for the second time and then told me you loved me, all before dinner."

"Yeah, well, I was pretty stupid back then," Jane says.

"And self-destructive," Maura reminds her.

"And self-destructive, yes!"

They laugh and turn the page.

"Aw," Maura coos, "That's the day we moved into our house together!"

"It's our _home_, Maura," Jane mock-scolds her.

Maura looks at her wife and smiles even wider. "Yes, it is."

"You guys are gross," Tommy jokes from somewhere behind them.

"Shut up, Tommy," Jane says. "Jealousy doesn't look good on you either."

They turn another page to see red and white roses filling the stadium at Fenway Park, the two radiant brides kissing over home plate.

"Our wedding," Jane whispers. "It was perfect. _You_ were perfect," she says to Maura.

"I think that was my happiest day," Maura tells her, earning a gentle kiss.

The next page is filled with pictures they took on their honeymoon, the largest one making everyone laugh at the look on Jane's face as she stared down into a volcano.

After that, it's a collection of candid photos of their life together. Maura smiling proudly at Jane on the day she received her promotion. Jane holding Maura's hand as she cut the ribbon on her own production company, Rizzles Pictures. Jane points to the photo and looks at her wife. "I'm still really proud of you for that."

"I love that I can still give people a voice," Maura says.

"Do you miss acting?" Korsak asks her.

She shakes her head. "Not really."

"She still gets offers, you know," Jane tells him.

"Maybe I'll accept one, if the right one comes along," Maura adds. "But I'm really happy with producing and directing right now. I get to make the kind of movies that really matter, you know? It's so fulfilling."

They turn another page, and it's blank.

"Oh, I left some room at the end," Angela says, "so you can keep adding to it. Especially when you two finally decide to give me some grandchildren!"

Jane rolls her eyes. "Ma!"

"We're still actively discussing that topic, Angela," Maura tells her sweetly.

"I think you'll both make great mothers," Korsak states. The others nod and voice their agreement.

Jane and Maura give their thanks, and they all sit down to a delicious meal, full of conversation and laughter. Looking around the table, they both know how incredibly lucky they are to be surrounded by all these amazing people and the love they share. It's scary, they've realized, having everything. Because they have everything to lose. But it's also worth it. Getting to wake up everyday next to the love of your life. Having her there to support you in every moment of fear, and to celebrate every moment of joy. Getting to make her smile, and laugh everyday. Facing challenges together and sharing hope for their future. They're a family. And it's everything they've ever hoped for, and more.

**FINIS.**

* * *

*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*R&amp;I*

* * *

**_For my dear readers, a few notes that you may or may not find interesting:_**

_*The antagonist character is named Charlie, because there always seems to be a 'Charles' trying to keep Rizzles apart! (PS- did you know the name simply means "man" or "manly"? I almost feel like the writers are just screaming PEEN!)_

_*I initially tried to incorporate JTam's name into Wylie's somehow, because of her apparent affinity for obnoxious beards, but in the end it just seemed too distracting (and a little disrespectful). Also, I unexpectedly liked his character the more I wrote... and I realized he's totally a closet gay!_

_*Dave's character, also one I like a lot, is loosely based on one of my old roommates. And I named a London makeup artist after my late sister, Kelly._

_*I started writing this story with little idea as to where it was headed, and kind of let the characters run with it. By the middle, I got very stuck (thanks, life) and had to try some new writing techniques. I always knew that I was going to have to pull our girls apart somehow, so they could find their way back to each other, but it took longer than it should have because they really didn't want to break up!_

_*I felt that they each needed to find themselves a little bit before they were truly ready for each other. They had to find out what was really important to them. Jane had to realize that being a detective and being near her family were vital to her happiness, and she had to stop running from her past. Maura had to stop holding so tightly to career, which had become a crutch for her, and realize that it actually wasn't the best or most important thing in her life. She needed to truly be herself to be happy. I think they both succeeded, and their relationship ended up stronger because of it._

_*Fear is also kind of a big element in this story. I have sort of a fixation with fear, because I think it tends to be our biggest enemy in life. Both women had to recognize and face their fears in order to earn their love._

_*So I stole the wedding idea from my own already-published fic. It's just how I always imagine these two tying the knot. (I'm not at all sorry.)_

_*During the almost-year I spent writing (and/or stressing over) this story, I got laid off from my job, totaled my car, lost a family member to death, lost a good friend to life, started a new relationship that I would have NEVER seen coming, got partially laid off from the new job (living in a seasonal working area sucks big time), and got evicted, basically becoming homeless just in time for the holidays... So it's been an interesting time! (And if you were wondering why it took me over six months to update, well there's your answer.) Don't worry about me though, I'm a pretty good couch-surfer ;)_

_*I learned SO MUCH random stuff doing research for this story! I read first-person accounts by former Hollywood bodyguards (written under pseudonyms, of course); I read articles written from both viewpoints about whether or not coming out as gay is actually harmful to actor's career; I learned about highly-publicized Hollywood relationships being faked by studios to increase public interest in their film (Dirty, dirty tricks, those Hollywooders play! Almost as bad as politicians!); I read about weapons laws in Europe as opposed to the US; I took virtual tours of fancy European hotel suites and used Google Maps to walk around foreign cities I've never been to; I learned about breathing techniques for reducing anxiety; I found out about a real hiking trail in LA that I vow to take when I move back to California; the list goes on and on! (I also learned how to write sober- how about that!)_

_*This was my first multi-chapter fic, and it will be my last for awhile. I have some really exciting original projects that I have largely been putting off in order to finish this for you all (okay, and for me too!), and I'm finally ready to dive head first into these more personal works. Working on this fic has helped stretch my creative writing and thinking skills, so I owe a lot of gratitude to you for keeping me going! If anyone is ever interested in any of my personal, original work, things that are all still a work-in-progress, feel free to PM me! I'd like to get a group of trusted readers and writers with whom I can bounce around ideas and share work as it evolves. Y'all have been such an amazing source of encouragement, and I honestly would not have finished this thing without you!_

_**From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!**_


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